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Who ate all the pies

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Pies’ headline of the day! Leo Beenhakker, the Dutch coach of Poland’s national team, apologised yesterday after a Polish tabloid newspaper, Super Express, published a mocked-up image of him holding the severed heads of Michael Ballack and German coach Joachim Low, along with a headline demanding the slaughter of Germany at Euro 2008: “Leo, give […]

Another Euro-themed quiz to get your brains around 1. Career path Trelleborg, Juventus, Djurgarden, Rennes, Man City (current) 2. Multiple choice What are Euro 2008′s two mascots called? a) Zagi & Zigi, b) Flitz & Bitz, c) Trix & Flix, d) Flitz & Flix 3. Picture round Name this Euro 2008 player… 4. Team-mates How […]

We profile the young players set to shine in Austria & Switzerland 1. Mario Gomez (Striker, Germany) Just 22, although he looks older, Gomez has been tipped by many as a dark horse to win the Golden Shoe at Euro ’08. He’s tall, quick, powerful and has good feet, plus he knows where the goal […]

Without Zidane, can they escape the Group of Death? FRANCE (Group C) Group mates Romania (9 June, Zurich), Netherlands (13 June, Bern), Italy (17 June, Zurich) Three most valuable players 1) Franck Ribery A revelation for Bayern this season, and will be expected to take over from Zinedine Zidane as France’s creator-in-chief. Potentially the star […]

If you’re planning to play a Euro 2008 fantasy football game, here’s our tips for a winning XI… We allowed ourselves just two players from each nation, and in a 4-4-2 formation: GOALKEEPER Igor Akinfeev (Russia) Under Guus Hiddink, the Russian are very well-organised, and don’t tend to ship many goals. Plus, they’re in a […]

Following on from yesterday’s Top 15 Ugliest Players, today Pies brings you the Top 15 Sexiest Players, as chosen by a select panel of female fans (and my gay friend Nick). 15. Alessandro del Piero (Italy)

Spanish midfielder rescues win with lovely solo goal Spain beat USA 1-0 in Santander last night, thanks to this super goal by Barcelona star Xavi. The result saw Spain stretch its unbeaten run to 16 games.

German fans get their own anthem If you watch this video enough times, the chorus will get stuck in your brain, and not in a good way. I’m sure there’s a sly dig at the English not qualifying in there too, but my German is too rusty to figure out what it is exactly. Hit […]

The lowdown on the hard-to-pronounce Poles POLAND (Group B) Group mates Germany (8 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (12 June, Vienna), Croatia (16 June, Klagenfurt) Three most valuable players 1) Artur Borac Poland’s No.1 keeper is one of the most underrated in Europe; his back-ups, Tomasz Kuszczak and Lukasz Fabianski, are very good too. 2) Ebi Smolarek […]

They may be good at football, but look at the state of them… 15. Jakub Wawrzyniak (Poland)

With no England to back, which team will you cheer in Austria & Switzerland? Which team will you support at Euro 2008 ( polls)

Another four minutes of Euro trash Apparently, this is the “Official Song” of Euro 2008. Which means there are two official songs for the tournament: this, and Shaggy’s Like a Superstar, which we posted up yesterday. No idea why. Hit or Miss? It’s catchy in a euphoric, Euro-dance way, but it’s no World In Motion. […]

Meet the tournament favourites GERMANY (Group B) Group mates Poland (8 June, Klagenfurt), Croatia (12 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (16 June, Vienna) Three most valuable players 1) Michael Ballack An undeniable world-class act, and in fine form for his club in the last couple of months. Having missed the 2006 World Cup final in his homeland, […]

A couple of vids from Jose’s first press conference in the Inter hot seat “I don’t want to be the Special One any longer…” More below…

The first of several songs for the Euros This is just one of the official songs for Euro 2008. It’s slightly less annoying than Crazy Frog, but that’s about the highest praise we can give it. Pure Euro disco nonsense. Hit or miss? A huge, sliced miss into Row Z.

Italian captain injures ankle ligaments, will miss Euros Cannavaro, who led Italy to World Cup victory in 2006, has been ruled out of Euro 2008. The central defender will have surgery on his left ankle in Vienna so he can remain with Italy at the team’s training camp in Austria. It’s a big blow for […]

Do Jose’s job for him If you’ve just come back from a trip to the moon, you may not know that Jose Mourinho is Inter’s new manager. It’s good to see Jose back in football, although we’d have preferred it if he’d chosen to return to the Premier League – still, can’t wait for the […]

Can England’s conquerors go all the way? CROATIA (Group B) Group mates Austria (8 June, Vienna), Germany (12 June, Klagenfurt), Poland (16 June, Klagenfurt) Three most valuable players 1) Luka Modric Tottenham’s next saviour is a wonderfully gifted playmaker, with a fine eye for a pass. 2) Niko Kranjcar Had a fine season at Portsmouth. […]

Our favourite goals from the Euro finals 1. Marco van Basten, Holland vs Russia, 1988 Pure technique, pure brilliance – and in the final too. The undisputed No.1.

Monday’s best football stories 1. Karim Benzema to Man Utd Fergie is preparing a £30m mega bid for the very highly rated Lyon striker. God help the rest of the league if the United boss gets his man. [Manchester Evening News] 2. Jose Mourinho to Inter Milan This is more than mere rumour now, it […]

The best snaps from yesterday’s friendly in Port of Spain T&T’s fans: prettier than England’s fans.

Pompey defender, putting the loon into pantaloons Here’s Sol in holiday mode, strolling along the French Riviera with his WAG Fiona Barratt, an interior designer to the stars. The white t-shirt is fine, the sandals are fine, the gold chain is fine (just about), the trousers are… sweet holy Jesus, look at the size of […]

The worst team in the Euros? Almost certainly AUSTRIA (Group B) Group mates Croatia (8 June, Vienna), Poland (12 June, Vienna), Germany (16 June, Vienna) Three most valuable players 1) Emanuel Pogatetz Middlesbrough’s Mad Dog is back in favour, after falling out with Austria’s management before the 2006 World Cup. His brand of tenacious defending […]

Blast from the past, via Phoenix from the Flames Fair play to Houghton for subjecting himself – and his country – to utter, total humiliation. This clip didn’t go down to well in Ireland at the time it was shown – something to do with the relentless stereotypes, I guess. England, fresh from defeat to […]