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Who ate all the pies

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This is how the Swiss roll (lame pun alert)… SWITZERLAND (Group A) Group-mates Czech Rep. (7 June, Basel), Turkey (11 June, Basel), Portugal (15 June, Basel) Three most valuable players 1) Alexander Frei Recently became his country’s leading all-time scorer. The Swiss rely massively on his goals, but he rarely lets them down. Frei seems […]

John Terry is “always on the England team”, apparently Legend. That is all. [Via our friends at The Spoiler] Watch the full interview after the click…

Fiendishness with a European flavour1. Career path Boavista, Benfica, Fiorentina, Benfica (current) 2. Multiple choice Euro 2012 will be hosted by which two countries? a) Poland & Hungary, b) Poland & Ukraine, c) Poland & Latvia, d) Poland & Belarus 3. Picture round Who’s wearing shades? 4. Team-mates Roland Linz, Martin Harnik and Ronald Gercaliu […]

Make money whilst enjoying the Euros, with Pies’s top tips… (prices correct at time of posting) 1. Lukas Podolski to be top goalscorer: 25/1 (Blue Square) Germany will surely go far in Austria & Switzerland (it’ll be like a home event for them) and they have always been great bullies of lesser teams. L-Pod scored […]

Dennis Pennis creator Paul Kaye on top form, as ever Give Paul Kaye a knighthood now. Or an OBE, at least. More Paul Kaye football vids… Kaye as Labian Quest, football chant composer Kaye gives hooligan lessons in self-defence (classic)

Pies tells you almost all you need to know about the Brazil of Europe PORTUGAL (Group A) Group-mates Turkey (7 June, Geneva), Czech Rep. (11 June, Geneva), Switzerland (15 June, Basel) Three most valuable players 1) Cristiano Ronaldo After Lionel Messi C-Ron is the most dangerous attacking force in football. If he wants to be […]

Long-haired Czech shows great Euro vision This goal has just been voted the best individual effort in the history of the Euros. And I have to admit that it is a lovely, lovely solo goal, and one that helped the Czechs overcome Portugal in the quarter finals; they made it all the way to the […]

The best bits (i.e. the goals) from England’s win against the lame Yanks Gerrard’s goal was by far the best thing about the game: lovely pass by Barry, lovely finish by Stevie G. Bonus vid of France’s defeat of Ecuador after the break. Well worth watching to see the first of Bafetimbi Gomis’s two goals.

Pies’ essential lowdown on the bouncy Czechs Group-mates Switzerland (7 June, Basel), Portugal (11 June, Geneva), Turkey (15 June, Geneva) Three most valuable players 1) Petr Cech, Chelsea’s imposing goalie 2) Jan Koller, veteran striker still capable of striking fear into defenders’ hearts 3) Jaroslav Plasil, a wide midfielder who always seems to raise his […]

AC Milan’s new signing not good enough for France, apparently France coach Raymond Domenech obviously disagrees with the judgment of Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger. Mathieu Flamini, much coveted by Wenger, has been left out of France’s 23-man squad for Euro 2008, whereas Lassana Diarra, let go by Wenger, has been included. So, a Portsmouth player […]

Irish chart botherers to serenade Roo’s missus Westlife will perform at the wedding of Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin. Westlife are apparently Coleen’s favourite band. How vomit-inducing sweet. The couple are getting married on 14 June in Italy and are rumoured to be spending £3m on the bash, thanks mostly to OK! magazine. God knows […]

Italy’s Euro 08 training session interrupted by streakers You get a higher class of streaker in Italy, clearly.

David James A spectator for most of the match. Made one save of note, keeping out a weak Freddy Adu shot. 7 Wes Brown Usually appears less confident for England than his club, and this was no exception. Fine at the back, less so going forward. 5 Rio Ferdinand Perfectly assured, never looked in trouble. […]

Burger King viral ad is great… for 40 seconds anyway This (mostly) enjoyable video has been made to promote Burger King’s new “Football Your Way” campaign, which aims to take a pop at the prawn sandwich brigade.

Big names who won’t be in Austria/Switzerland next month (from nations that have qualified) Raul (Spain) The Real Madrid captain failed to make the Spanish squad after falling out with head coach Luis Aragones following the 3-2 loss to Northern Ireland in 2006, during the Euro 2008 qualifying campaign. Will Spain miss him? Probably not, […]

The race to become Chelsea’s new boss… Some very big names are reportedly on the shortlist to replace Avram Grant as Chelea’s new manager: including ex-Inter boss Roberto Mancini, Felipe Scolari, Mark Hughes and – surprise surprise – Jose Mourinho. Didier Deschamps also claims to be on the list, but I can’t see that happening, […]

Fergie makes £6m on Spanish defender – but should he have kept him? Barcelona have just re-signed Gerard Pique from Man Utd, for a fee reported to be around £6m. Pique is only 21 and he failed to break into United’s first team – not a great surprise, given the stellar form of Rio Ferdinand […]

Is this what Arsenal will be wearing next season? This is a “leaked” photo of Arsenal’s new home and away kits for the 2008/09 campaign. It’s been floating around the web for a while now, but I’m still suspicious of the photos’ authenticity. To my eyes, the kits look unfinished, amateurish even – especially for […]

Another meaningless friendly international? You bet! David Beckham, talking to sleeve, stretching groin.

Van der Sar and team-mates muddy-up for Dutch newspaper Scared? I was, when I saw this photo of Edwin van der Sar, taken for AD’s Euro 2008 supplement. When the photographer, Erwin Olaf, was asked how he described the shoot to the players, he said: “…they would be portrayed as lust objects, that there were […]

Remembering the poor man’s Makelele THEN In his time at Chelsea (1990-99), Newton earned a reputation as a reliable squad player, best utilised in a defensive midfield role. In many ways, he can now be viewed as the poor man’s Claude Makelele. He graduated to Chelsea’s senior squad from the club’s youth system, and enjoyed […]

Which central defender deserves the England armband? Don Capello has chosen JT to skipper England for their next game, a meaningless friendly against the USA, presumably as a consolation prize for spunking the CL final up the wall. But is Terry the best long-term candidate? Let’s see… JOHN TERRY Strengths Indestructible, fearless, passionate, great in […]

Ticket-text.com, Europe’s leading mobile ticketing company, has teamed up with Pies to offer readers the chance to watch the Republic of Ireland v Colombia international match at Craven Cottage on Thursday May 29th. It’s the perfect opportunity for football fans to watch a cracking friendly while also experiencing the latest in ticketing technology with two […]

Boro’s forgotten star versus Jeff Daniels’ retard Thanks to Pies reader Dan Chubb for this one. More Shit Lookalikes