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  • Carrick crocked before season start August 6th, 2006 Man Utd

    It’s a shame for poor old Man Urinal aint it? First off, they could be missing Paul Scholes and his deft subtle touches and Wayne Rooney (about as subtle as a dogshit in your jeans pocket) after their sendings off in a ‘friendly’. Then of course there is injuries to Rio Ferdinand and John O’Shea. […]

  • Robinho showreel of skills August 3rd, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Watch. Watch Robinho. No wonder Thomas Gravesen ended up punching him in the face. How else can you stop him? Mof Gimmers

  • Gravesen punches Robinho and is probably on his way out of Madrid August 3rd, 2006 Newcastle Utd

    Thomas Gravesen is a thug isn’t he? He used to chop Premiership players down for fun. Now in Spain, at the most famous club in the world, it would seem that he can’t catch those quick and nimble Galacticos, and is settling for a good old smack in the mouth. With Boro and Newcastle looking […]

  • New Man City away kit with added six pack August 3rd, 2006 Man City

    What do you do when half of your supprt are fat pie muching knackers? Do you introduce a healthy option to the half time snack kiosk? Or maybe you encourage them to walk to the ground instead of driving? Naaah… sod all that… just stick a six-pack in the weave of your away shirt! If […]

  • Liverpool who? Says Jose Mourinho August 2nd, 2006 Chelsea

    John Terry recently stated that he was convinced Liverpool would be in the race for the title. Jose Mourinho doesn’t seem to agree, thinking Man Urinal and A’nal will be the ones pushing his side all the way. He said "I still believe that Man United and Arsenal will be the biggest threat, in spite […]

  • Footballing Fisticuffs August 2nd, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Handbags at ten paces is a phrase often coined during football matches these days. I wonder what phrase you’d apply to this brutal fist-a-thon? Mof Gimmers

  • Vieira switches to Inter August 2nd, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Well, it’s come as a bit of a shock to me that Patrick Vieira has chosen to move to Milan giants, Inter, as opposed to a move back to the Premiership with Man United. The Frenchman has been sold for a paltry £6.5million. The announcement was made by Juventus this morning through the Italian stock […]

  • Patrick Viera and Roy Keane go head-to-head in the Highbury tunnel August 1st, 2006 Arsenal

    With reports that Patrick Viera is set for a return to the Premiership with Man Urinals, its worth recalling this tender moment between Paddy V and Roy Keane in the tunnel at Highbury. A big girly Roy Keane didn’t like big scary Patrick ‘shoutin’ his f**kin’ mouth off at Gary Neville", so they had a […]

  • Aston Villa step up bid for Martin O’Neill August 1st, 2006 Aston Villa

    If reports are true, then Martin O’Neill must be either the stupidest or most optimistic man on the planet. Aston Villa are stepping up their attempts in the move to land O’Neill at Villa Park, but the club insist reports that a new appointment will be made in the next 24 hours are well wide […]

  • World Cup Diving Video August 1st, 2006 Miscellaneous

    The football season is getting really close now… and I can barely contain my excitement! The new season will probably be coloured with some of what was seen in the World Cup. Fly away balls, sweaty Puma shirts, Wayne Rooney standing on people’s spuds… and of course… diving. Mof Gimmers technorati tags Football World Cup […]

  • Hasselbaink faces rap from FA July 31st, 2006 Arsenal

    Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is finding himself in a bit of bother after he made claims that players received illegal payments after a 2004 Champions League win over Arsenal. JFH will get done for ‘bringing the game into disrepute’ and ‘improper conduct’ if his claims are unsubstantiated. The now Charlton player made 156 appearances for Chelsea […]

  • Player celebrates, loses finger, gets booked. July 31st, 2006 Miscellaneous

    So, you celebrate your side scoring a goal… you run to your adoring fans to share the joy. You jump up onto the fence, and the fans go bananas! You then realise that your wedding ring got caught on the fence and ripped your finger off. Then you get booked whilst your mangled hand loses […]

  • Transfer gossip heats up with Cole, Carrick and Downing July 31st, 2006 Arsenal

    Bloody hell. It’s all hotting up. Aside from Chelsea, it’s all seemed a bit quiet in transfer land, until now! Carrick has gone to Man Urinal, with the club apparently shelling out £18.6 million on him (phew!). So what will Jol spend his money on? Well, it would seem he’s after Gareth Barry (who’d blame […]

  • When is tapping up not tapping up? The Ashley Cole Saga continues… July 28th, 2006 Arsenal

    Ashley Cole goes for a meal with ‘the special one’. They get caught and the FA smack their legs. Tut tut. ‘Naughty Chelsea. You may well be the richest in the playground, but you can’t go around offering more sweets to the greedy bugger over there.’ And then Cole signs for Chelsea. It certainly seems […]

  • Andriy Shevchenko, Goal Machine July 28th, 2006 Chelsea

    Chelski have spent loads of money this summer and everyone hates them. They’ve bought Andriy Shevchenko merely as a trophy to parade. Really? Watch this video and beware. He’s great with his bonce AND both feet. Mof Gimmers

  • Tight-fisted Spurs asked Chelsea to pay Duff’s wages July 27th, 2006 Chelsea

    How daft are Spurs? You try and convince everyone that you’re a big club with ambition, and then, whilst trying to land a big player (like Damien Duff), you ask a proper big club (like Chelsea) to help out with his wages. Spurs have a wage structure that is seemingly pretty strict. No-one at Spurs […]

  • Goalkeeper takes penalty, then comes undone July 27th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    In football, sometimes justice is done. A smug goalie taking a penalty, and scoring… then lapping it up with his team-mates and fans… then… well, just watch it. Mof Gimmers

  • Fingerskillz show off their footballing …er… finger skills July 26th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    This aint real. Surely it aint. If it is, hats off… but… it isn’t. This is an ace little video showing how creative you can be with an scrunched up bit of paper and a drawn on Wayne Rooney lookalike. Mof Gimmers

  • The latest scandal in Italian football July 26th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Okay. How do you teach Italian football giants a lesson? Seemingly, you offer up a just punishment, and then go all soft and resort to a wrist slap. The extraordinary tale that has slackjawed football fans all over the world has included wire tapped phones, illicit meetings and locking refs in dressing rooms. Lazio and […]

  • Max Clifford climbs aboard the Steve McClaren England bus July 26th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    Steve McClaren is brown nosing pretty much everyone in the world at the moment. He’s been sniffing around Alan Shearer’s rear for a while, and cocking a leg up with Terry Venables. The newest bezzie of Stevie Mac is… well… Max Clifford. Clifford, usually the scourge of footballers and their private lives has presumably been […]

  • 10 Great Premiership Goals July 25th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    I’m getting far too excited thinking about the amazing goals that are going to be scored next season. So to celebrate this, here’s a vid to get your whistle wetter than wet. Mof Gimmers

  • Money! It’s ruining football apparently July 25th, 2006 Miscellaneous

    So, with Chelski’s cash card being flashed around to melting point again (about £50 million and counting), all and sundry are crying and weeping on street corners, claiming that the end of football is nigh. Fans are also being priced out of the game, and players are becoming spoiled little oiks. Is that really true?

  • Rumour Tuesday July 24th, 2006 Bolton Wanderers

    One of the most surprising bits of gossip today is the apparently successful £2.5million bid for Juan Pablo Sorin by Bolton. However, Pompey and Inter are still in the hunt for the Argentina skipper. Glenn Roeder is hopeful of signing German hitman Miroslav Klose, but fears their lack of European football next season will put […]

  • Cleveland Browns’ owner Randy Lerner linked with Aston Villa July 24th, 2006 Aston Villa

    Aston Villa, who are the biggest joke in football at present, are hopefully going to be even more amusing to all now. When Doug Ellis returns from his holiday, he’ll find an offer from the tremendously named Randy Lerner. When Randy isn’t being laughed at over his name, he’s the stupidly wealthy owner of the […]