Franck Ribery is smiling on the outside, but inside he is surely thinking, ‘Why the hell did I sign for Bayern Munich?’
Oh my sweet lord, I didn’t think it was possible for Ribery, who is without any doubt the World’s Ugliest Professional Footballer, to look any worse than he normally does, but put him in traditional Bavarian dress and he does – Christ, he looks really terrible, as if he should be a film extra, specifically in the part of one of the ‘angry village mob’ in some old Dracula B-movie. Those short leather trousers and clunky shoes do nothing for him. All he needs is a sharpened pitchfork to complete the agricultural look, but instead he’s got lovely wife Wahiba by his side. Hmm, she certainly didn’t marry Francky Boy for his looks, did she?
More amusing pics of Bayern players (with lovely WAGs by their side) dressed like goons after the jump…

Jan Schlaudraff somehow doesn’t look that much of a buffoon in his outfit, but that’s probably because when I look at this photo, all I see is his lovely girlfriend Susann.

Daniel van Buyten and girlfriend Celine force smiles out for the camera. Van Buyten looks slightly retarded here, whilst his sunbed-loving missus, who looks like a reject from Atomic Kitten or some other shit girl group, is clearly not impressed with what she has been forced to wear. They probably had a massive argument when they were getting dressed to go out.

Miroslav Klose’s wife Sylwia rocks this look. It suits her. It doesn’t, however, suit her less-than-handsome husband, who obviously wishes that heart-shaped balloon was much, much bigger.

Luca Toni and his girlfriend Marta Cecchetto are both very good looking and so they manage to pull the whole Bavarian idiot thing off and still look hot. He looks like some hunky woodcutter from a fairy story, and she looks, well, hot – and tall – in her cowboy boots. (Marta is a model though, so looking hot comes fairly naturally to her.)

If you saw this couple in the street, you’d think ‘What in the name of Beelzebub is a smoking-hot Amazon chick doing with a homeless man?’ But since Oliver Kahn is a professional footballer, he has no difficulty in pulling a girl of this quality. For the record, her name is Verena Kerth and she’s, ooh, quite a bit younger than Oliver. And pull your socks up man.

Philipp Lahm looks about 12 here, and so his girlfriend Nicola looks more like his mum. Is it wrong to be turned on by that? (Answer: yes, it is)
Photos Bongarts/Getty Images

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