The WAG Files: Top 10 footballers who are punching above their weight

Ollie Irish

18th, June 2009


Bastian Schweinsteiger
In the real world, the uber-hot Sarah Brandtner wouldn’t even look once at the German winger. But in a world where footballers attract the sort of women who would normally be way out of their league, the pig farmer shoots and scores.

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Wayne Rooney
Coleen isn’t exactly smoking hot, but there’s no doubt that if Wazza worked as an electrician, he’d have to settle for less.
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Alberto Aquilani
The wonky-faced Roma midfielder has used his status to get stuck into several exceedingly beautiful ladeeez, including former Miss Italia Francesca Chillemi (pictured) and actress Michela Quattrociocche.
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Jamie O’Hara
What does glamour model Danielle Lloyd sees in the crater-faced Spurs squad player? We have no clue either. Perhaps he’s hung like Dion Dublin.
Franck Ribery
Well done Franck. You lead the way when it comes to showing that being a very rich footballer makes you at least 100% more attractive.
Dino Drpic
Nives Celsius is only with the Croatian so she can get easy access to the centre circle.
Andrey Arshavin
Arshavin looks like a pale little frog. His wife Julia looks normal and lovely – a bit like Jennifer Aniston, you might say.
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Peter Crouch
Crouchy looks like Lurch’s son, bless him. He was asked once what he’d have been if he wasn’t a professional footballer. “A virgin,” he replied. Ah, women love a good sense of humour, and Abigail Clancey is no different, clearly.
Fabian Assmann
The awesomely named goalkeeper, who has been linked with a summer move to Chelsea, is very fortunate (he looks like this) to share a bed with Melina Pitra, an Argentine model who is rather scorching. Fabian lives up to his surname then.
Diego Forlan
The ex-Man Utd striker looks like an animated witch, but that hasn’t stopped him pulling women of the calibre of Argentina model Zaira Nara (pictured).

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  1. sparky29 says:

    Agree with most of em except Ribery,
    If you have seen pictures of his missus when he signed for Galatasaray and before any male over, she looked like she just walked off the set of Drag me to Hell.
    Will try find the image somewhere:×300.jpg

  2. Ollie says:

    Ha, nice movie reference.

  3. Arthur says:

    Rooney was out with Collen when they were kids.
    If he hadn’t been a footballer – she is exactly what he would have got.
    It would have been a scally and his Mrs on a scouse council estate

  4. K says:

    Don’t agree with Danielle Lloyd. Wouldn’t wish her on anyone.
    You never know what you might catch from her, poor Jamie.

  5. leon Renold says:

    Arthur with a name like that well we can only imagine that you are either over 50 or your parents must have thought you look old at birth either way your comments on Danielle Lloyd are unfair and unjustified as you have no idea who she has slept with or supposed to have slept with and lets face it she doesnt need to go with a football player for money when she makes more than them in one shoot that they can earn in a week! so lets face it Jamie is young but sensible, he is not a top premiere league player but he may become one and what young lad or man would say no to having Danielle Lloyd on their arm? oh only you who probably is that friggin pig ugly you have no chance of scoring between the sheets with jessica Rabbit never mind a very beautiful Model! I speak for everyone in my office which has over 5k people worldwide who all support Danielle not that she is a glamour model but as she was Miss England and Miss Great Britain and she won those competitions as she was the most beautiful girl in the competition and of course she is a normal down to earth girl who gets bad press as she is supposed to have dated millions of football players! well all I can say is watch out postman, binman, delivery man, policeman, traffic warden or anyone else who happens to stop and talk to Danielle it will be in the paper that you are having an affair with her! grow up Arthur and get yourself a life, or maybe go and raise 135k for cancer charities like Danielle did.

  6. graham says:

    so it is a lie, then, that she has “dated” seven or eight former or current english premier league players (basically all from Tottenham, plus who now? Fabregas?)? Football players aren’t really known for being very faithful men or very smart about using protection (care to count illegitimate children of them?), so maybe, Leon, its more of a comment on the men that she is with, and less on Ms. Lloyd, who may be as lovely as you suggest. Just remember, you’re only as good as your company.

  7. K says:

    Calm down, Leon.
    No, you’re right, I don’t know Danielle Lloyd. And I don’t want to know her either. Like it’s been pointed out, she has actually dated pretty much all of Spurs openly so on the sly at least HALF of the premiership must have been in Miss Lloyd’s knickers at some point.
    but you know what? I actually don’t care, and unlike you, won’t spend my evening writing out a 4 paragraph reply :)

  8. D says:

    Hmmmm, some interesting ponits there K. Although didn’t she win those competitions because she was doinking one of the judges. One Mr Sheringham no less!

  9. val says:

    colleen would have probably moved up to some one better looking how many people marry their child hood sweet heart or how many ugly people mare their better looking child hood sweet hearts. When he started to show potential that was it imagine a regular guy cheating on his girlfriend talk less of an ugly one and she not walking

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  12. paolo says:

    Ok ribery is ugly but his wife also is ugly.French girls..yak.

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  15. deckard says:

    all gorgeous russian women are with ugly russian men because in russia there are so many of both.

  16. AutorisFaggot says:

    This Girls use a lot of make-up so this is why they look nice. Without make-up they look unattractive or ugly. I think Olly Irish looks not better and is jealous.

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