In the real world, the uber-hot Sarah Brandtner wouldn’t even look once at the German winger. But in a world where footballers attract the sort of women who would normally be way out of their league, the pig farmer shoots and scores.
Coleen isn’t exactly smoking hot, but there’s no doubt that if Wazza worked as an electrician, he’d have to settle for less.
The wonky-faced Roma midfielder has used his status to get stuck into several exceedingly beautiful ladeeez, including former Miss Italia Francesca Chillemi (pictured) and actress Michela Quattrociocche.
What does glamour model Danielle Lloyd sees in the crater-faced Spurs squad player? We have no clue either. Perhaps he’s hung like Dion Dublin.
Well done Franck. You lead the way when it comes to showing that being a very rich footballer makes you at least 100% more attractive.
Nives Celsius is only with the Croatian so she can get easy access to the centre circle.
Arshavin looks like a pale little frog. His wife Julia looks normal and lovely – a bit like Jennifer Aniston, you might say.
Crouchy looks like Lurch’s son, bless him. He was asked once what he’d have been if he wasn’t a professional footballer. “A virgin,” he replied. Ah, women love a good sense of humour, and Abigail Clancey is no different, clearly.
The awesomely named goalkeeper, who has been linked with a summer move to Chelsea, is very fortunate (he looks like this) to share a bed with Melina Pitra, an Argentine model who is rather scorching. Fabian lives up to his surname then.
The ex-Man Utd striker looks like an animated witch, but that hasn’t stopped him pulling women of the calibre of Argentina model Zaira Nara (pictured).