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Ouch: Getafe’s Alexis Suffers Broken Veins In Testicle vs Barcelona, Bruised Bollock Swells To ‘Size Of A Handball’

By Chris Wright

Spain Soccer Copa del Rey

While Neymar was busy mincing around with a mere sprained ankle, it was Getafe defender Alexis Ruano who suffered the worst injury of the evening when they met Barcelona in the Copa Del Rey on Thursday evening – with MARCA reporting this morning that the centre-half broke several veins in one of his testicles after colliding with a Barca player, with his bruised bollock later swelling up to the ‘size of a handball’.

Macedonia Handball Champions League

*Shudder*

Scott Dann sympathises.

In an article subtly headlined “Alexis’ Testicle Swells Like a Balloon”, MARCA provide us with a transcript of a portion of Getafe manager Luis Garcia’s post-match press conference in which he details Alexis’ little ‘downstairs catastrophe’ in a wonderfully demonstrative way:

“One of Alexis’s testicles was like this”[Garcia] said, holding up his hands to show a handball-sized ball. “He has broken some veins. It’s nothing serious.”

“The swelling has already gone down, he should be fine for Sunday. I was shocked when I went into the dressing room, but it’s not serious.”

“I’d never seen anything like it”, he admitted.

Yeesh. Apologies if you’ve gone a bit weak at the crotch all of a sudden.

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By Chris on January 18th, 2014 in Barcelona, Hardmen, Injuries, Newsnow. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
comments

2 Responses to “Ouch: Getafe’s Alexis Suffers Broken Veins In Testicle vs Barcelona, Bruised Bollock Swells To ‘Size Of A Handball’”

  1. Jarren says:

    Consider legs firmly crossed.

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