Crazy Sepp Blatter wants a quota on foreign players in European teams; each club would only be allowed to have five foreign players in its starting XI. Blatter sees this as the solution to encouraging home-grown talent, but, honestly, we’re too far down the line to go back to such a quota system, and anyway [...]

There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.

With Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov increasing his stake in Arsenal today (looks like his chef has been steadily increasing his steak for some time, by the way) this t-shirt is as timely as ever for Gooners.

Perhaps ominously for Gooners who are quite content with the status quo, podgy Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov has increased his stake in Arsenal to 23%, just a week after saying he wanted at least a 25% share in the club. If Usmanov, who frankly looks not very much like Harold Bishop from Neighbours, gets to [...]

As Alisher Usmanov draws ever closer to an Arsenal takeover, so does the sound of a distant Antipodean tuba. That’s right… pudgy face… bad specs… receding hairline… it’s Harold Bishop from Neighbours…

Arsene Wenger has serious fears for the future of English football, believing that the domestic game is in danger of being severely damaged by mass media coverage and new club ownership…

For all their attractive football and their dominance of the 2004-05 season, you have been able to discount Arsenal as genuine title-contenders for the last couple of seasons. Thierry Henry ‘s exit this summer didn’t look like improving things. And yet the Gunners are top-of-the-table with a game in hand.

Every Tuesday throughout the season, Pies will publish its Player Power Rankings, a top 10 list of the hottest footballers in the Premier League, based on form, influence and subjective stuff like, er, how much we like their hair.
Here’s how the rankings table looks in its second week (with last week’s position in brackets)…

1 Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal (1)
Yep, Cesc Fabregas is still the most powerful player in the Premier League – and look how delighted he is to discover the news! He topped the Power Rankings last week, and after another string-pulling performance against Derby, he’s still the main man – and, unlike last season, he just can’t stop scoring. Who can knock him off his lofty perch?

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.

A surprisingly comfortable win for Arsenal against one of Europe’s most dangerous sides. The real Sevilla never really showed up, and they had no answer for the guile of Cesc Fabregas and the power of Emmanuel Adebayor. Fabregas was lucky to open the scoring with a deflected shot, but overall the Spanish team didn’t deserve anything from the game.

Arsenal vs Sevilla, Wed 19 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST)
These two clubs have never met in Europe, but they both play attractive, progressive football, so this could be a cracker for the neutral to watch. Sevilla are still recovering from the shocking death of Antonio Puerta, but they have notched two wins from two in the Primera Liga, so it seems Puerta’s death has, if anything, galvanised the club.

Here’s the first of our daily round-ups of some of the best posts on our excellent array of club sites dedicated to the big five (don’t laugh, but the big five does include Spurs), as well as Kickster, our new blog devoted to women’s football: Gunners rolling in cash (not unlike Demi Moore in Indecent [...]

This has to be one of my favourite Shit Lookalikes for a while, so many thanks to Dave Harris (who edits his own fine Fulham blog, The Hammy End Chronicle) for sending it in. For younger readers, DeBarge is an RnB singer who was big in the 80s. If DeBarge played football, he’d also be a shoo-in for his own Horror Hair entry.

You know the drill – one kick to hit the bar from the centre circle while you’re teammates goad you from behind, especially if they’re William Gallas.

Cesc Fabregas starred again for Arsenal in their 3-1 win over Portsmouth on Sunday. He’s only 20 but the young Spaniard is showing the sort of match-winning maturity that could see his dream of one day captaining the side come true.

So there are six (count ‘em!) clubs in the group stages of this season’s Champions League: the big four in England, plus Celtic and Rangers. The English clubs can’t meet each other, because they are all amongst the top eight seeds, but there’s a very strong chance that we’ll see another so-called ‘Battle of Britain’, [...]

Arsenal would probably do better to shove Flea in goal right now, given Mad Jens’s shocking start to the season – Manuel Almunia played in goal for Arsenal against Sparta Prague last night, with Jens sulking at home in Germany, supposedly injured.

Photo Getty Images Smiles all round at the Emirates, as Arsenal breezed past a distinctly average Praha side. Eduardo da Silva (seen here being shown position one of the Kama Sutra by team-mate Emmanuel Adebayor) scored for the first time this season, to add to earlier goals by Tomas Rosicky and Cesc Fabregas, and looked [...]

Our latest Shit Lookalike comes courtesy of Pies reader Daniel Budden. He quite rightly pointed out that Arsenal’s man from Minsk, Alexander Hleb, is a dead ringer for a young Kevin Bacon, which is a coincidence because he also saved Arsene Wenger’s bacon against Fulham a couple of weeks back.

At last someone has posted the hilarious footage of Jens Lehmann’s pre-match warm-up against England last week. Here is Mad Jens showing the Wembley turf his best moves (for anyone who missed it, this went out live on primetime BBC One!).

[Via Bundesliga Offside]

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

‘Mad Jens’ Lehman literally handed Blackburn the equaliser at Ewood Park on Sunday with his second goalkeeping gaffe in as many games.

The big kick-off is nigh and we don’t have a thing to wear. Well, we do now. This is part one of a bumper Kit Parade Special from Pies.
Arsenal
This looks a little familiar… wait a cotton picking minute! Yes, Arsenal have retained last season’s home kit for a further season. It makes my job a bit harder because you have all seen it before, but I’d be delighted if I was a Gooner. Comiserations to the parents of young Arsenal fans who will have to think a bit harder about birthday presents this year! Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

Chelsea’s squad for last weekend’s Community Shield match was so bare that they played without a recognised striker for most of the match. And it looks like they’ll have to make up the numbers when their Premier League kicks off on Sunday.