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Who ate all the pies

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Arsenal

Arsenal: All the latest Arsenal flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Before: After: Take one picture of Manuel Almunia conceding a goal. Open Photoshop, change the position of the ball (not a crucial detail, after all), change the kit, erase the hoarding sponsor, and – ta-dah! – you have one shiny, on-brand ad for Arsenal’s new goalkeeping kit. The truth? Screw the truth. ‘By the way, […]

Did Arsenal get Arshavin to replicate his famous goal celebration for a photo shoot for the Gunners’ new third kit, or is this just a very good bit of Photoshopping? Either way, Arsenal’s new third kit is rather smart, even if some Gooners have complained that it looks a bit too much like Tottenham’s classic […]

Carla Suarez Navarro of is Spain’s hottest female tennis talent. Samir Nasri… well, you know exactly who he is. Now this is what I call a first-class Shit Lookalike. They don’t really look much like each other, but at the same time I see exactly what Paul Beatty (the reader who suggested it) means. Good […]

… According to Spanish rag Marca, anyway - but then Marca is the mouthpiece of Real Madrid, so it’s pretty much what you’d expect to hear. But I have to say Marca sounds very confident that the deal is already done (for around €35m), and also that it will be announced in the next 24 hours. […]

Probably the most bullshit-flavoured transfer talk I’ve seen The Sun trot out so far this summer. Arshavin’s quote - if he even said it – carries about as much weight as me saying “I would quite like to sleep with Adriana Lima one day… she’s very attractive.” [Image and more quality ranting @ Arseblog]

After spending much of last summer talking out of turn about a possible transfer to Milan, it seems Emmanuel Adebayor has learned absolutely nothing. The player’s agent, Stephane Courbis, has been mouthing off again, on his client’s behalf. In an interview with Calciomercato.it, Courbis talked about Adebayor’s future: “As of today, I have not even […]

The opening round of group games continues with a couple of peaches… Nemanja Vidic v Didier Drogba (Group G) They should put this match-up in a caged “Octagon”. I’d pay to see that. But you’re not voting on who’s the hardest (I take Vidic, every time; The Drog is all bark and no bite), you’re […]

Arsenal could really use Felipe Melo. The 25-year-old Brazilian had a great season with Fiorentina in 08/09, and he’s playing well for his country right now at the Confederations Cup (he scored against the USA). Melo is the perfect type of player to protect Cesc Fabregas at the heart of Arsenal’s midfield. He reminds me […]

After a wee break, the Best Player in the World World Cup is back. We kick off again with the opening ties in Group F. First up, an all-Prem, all-midfield tie: Chelsea’s Frank Lampard takes on Liverpool’s Javier Mascherano. A tough one for Lampsy, this…

Badly Photoshopped football scenes you’ll never see, No.1354 The Current Bun claims today that Arsenal’s Robin van Persie is a transfer target for Manchester Utd: “Sir Alex Ferguson is aware the £20million-rated striker is yet to commit to a new contract at The Emirates. “And the United chief’s interest has intensified after Van Persie admitted […]

Getting a footballer to sign a photo, then revealing it’s a photo of that player missing a penalty: priceless. I’m glad these Gooners got so much enjoyment from such a lame stunt. They’re easily pleased, clearly. Watch the reveal, if you care.

Arthur Lemarcus Banks III (aka Marcus Banks) plays basketball in the NBA for Toronto Raptors. He does indeed look a bit like Billy Gallas. That is all. Thanks to Pies reader Ben for sending in this SL. Good spot, sir. Think you can do better than Ben? Email Pies with your unlikely lookalikes.

This is how the Fair Play table looked at the end of the 08/09 season (click to enlarge). It’s judged on the following criteria: R/Y = Red/Yellow cards (three pts for a red, one for a yellow), max. of 10 pts per match P/P = Positive Play, max. 10 pts per match R/O = Respect […]

Arshavin: “Pick me, pick me!” Fabregas: “Shut up, you’ve only been here for five minutes…” Tis the season for buying and selling, so I thought I’d ask you, who’s the last player at your club you’d sell? Arsenal fans, you start us off (seeing as how you’re first in the Prem alphabet and all)… It’s […]

Arsenal are close to signing Thomas Vermaelen for around £10m. But will the highly rated Ajax centre-back turn out to be the new Tony Adams, or the next Philippe Senderos? From what I’ve seen of the 23-year-old Belgian (on YouTube mostly) he can’t properly be compared to either Adams or Senderos. Vermaelen is a much […]

Um, no “Why Arsene Wenger may decide to cash in on Cesc Fabregas this summer.” Or, why the Mirror will write any old tosh to bait Gooners (ah, there’s a paper after Pies’ cold heart). A Mirror hack called Steve Stammers (seriously?) penned an article about how Arsene Wenger might consider selling Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal’s […]

Cesc is lonely, crying out for Xabi Alonso “Attractive, slim Spanish guy seeks partner for weekend strolls in the park. Must be world-class, have GSOH.” Neither Abou Diaby, Alex Song nor Denilson are good enough - yet, at least - to partner Cesc Fabregas at the heart of Arsenal’s midfield. I’m sure that’s the view of Cesc […]

Who didn’t last the course? Deco (Chelsea) It all started as planned: Deco scored a screamer on his Chelsea debut, at home to Pompey in the August sunshine, but it was quickly downhill after that. The Ronnie Corbett-faced Brazilian has been unlucky with a string of niggling injuries, but in no way can he be […]

Sartorial excellence? Hmm, no Look at the fancy Gooners! They may be rubbish at winning silver, trophy-shaped things, but they’re at the cutting-egde when it comes to announcing their new kit, as this embedded video shows. (And I didn’t realise Arshavin was so much shorter than Fabregas.) We put up a leaked photo of the […]

Mmm-hmm, that is a tasty burger As spotted by ITV’s Clive Tyldesley, I think, during the commentary on one of Arsenal’s Champions League matches this season. More Shit Lookalikes

Madrid already in talks to make Wenger their new boss According to Guillem Balague’s website, Real Madrid have “set wheels in motion” to sign Arsene Wenger as their new manager. Balague writes: “An alternative source claims that Wenger has spoken personally with Florentino Perez last week, possibly by telephone: with further conversations set to take […]

Gender equality yet to reach Russia, clearly “If my wife’s car drive into group of gypsies, will there be any damage to car? Very nice!” God love Andrey Arshavin and his old-school, Borat-esque sexism. In an interview with the Daily Mail this week, the Russian refused an opportunity to at least pretend that he thinks […]

Ouch, that is nasty This is a leaked photo (montage) of Arsenal’s away kit for the 2009/10 season. First thing you notice… it’s blue, like the sort of blue worn by bitter rivals Spurs. Second thing you notice, it looks cheap and nasty. That’s what I think, anyway. Some of you might dig the colour and […]

Arsenal lose again, Chelsea bounce back In the wake of Tom Henning Ovrebo-Gate, I thought Chelsea might suffer more when it came to this battle of the Champions League losers, but I was way wrong. Guus Hiddink’s team came to north London and stuffed Arsenal on their own patch, to cap a truly crappy week […]