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Who ate all the pies

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WAGs & Babes

WAGs & Babes: An in-depth scientific examination of the lovely ladies that pepper the modern game.

Hot babes wearing underwear playing football in the mud? Makes the FA Cup final seem redundant somehow…

[Spotted on The Offside]

72587790.jpgName Danielle Lloyd
Nationality British
WAG of… Danielle used to go out with Edward Sheringham, but her dubious behaviour on Celeb Big Brother resulted in Teddy dumping her. She’s now dating Charlton’s Marcus Bent, although I read today that she’s dumped him too. Who knows which footballer she’ll end up with next?

Ah, the Swiss – neutral and sexy, a knockout combination (especially the girl who’s gnawing on a rubber chicken).

Women’s football – dignity + hot pants = this video.

57488652.jpgApropos of nothing (although it’s always nice to us the word ‘apropos’ when talking about glamour models), here’s an image from The Sun’s campaign to promote its 2006 World Cup single, Who Do You Think You Are Kidding, Jurgen Klinsmann (which you can watch after the click). Nicole T(appenden), the better half of West Ham pot-shot taker Bobby Zamora and newly minted C-list starlet, is wearing the red t-shirt. Her glamorous assistant is Page Three ‘stunna’ Nikkala Stott – crazy spelling of Nicola you’ve got there Nikkala.

logo.gifA whole blog dedicated to WAGs. What is the world coming to? A good portion of this blog was given over to covering ITV reality series WAGs Boutique, but that’s finished now, so it’s back to scouring the tabloids for morsels of WAG-related news – I say news, but I’m not sure that the fact that Steven Gerrard and his missus Alex Curran have set a date for their wedding constitutes hard news.

Cheryl_Tweedy.jpgWhen Girls Aloud were invited to dine at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant during filming for a new series of The F Word (which starts tonight on Channel 4, 9pm), they found the abrasive superchef to be on fine form. Firstly, Gordon slagged off the whole group for being stick-thin: ‘You do realise this is a cooking show? By looking at how skinny you are, you don’t eat food.’

73742176.jpgName Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham
Nationality British
WAG of… you have to ask? Okay, David Beckham, the most recognisable footballer on the planet.
Fame ranking 10/10 Victoria is the undisputed Queen of the WAGs and she loves it. Will turn up to the opening of an envelope if it means she gets the chance to show off her latest designer outfit.
Babe ranking 4/10 Pies much preferred her back when she was Posh Spice and had a bit of meat on her bones. She’s way too thin now although we concede she does have a cute smile.

Um, this is plain wrong. Cheryl Tweedy, good wife of Cashley Cole, has admitted she has a soft spot for Jose Mourinho, Cashley’s boss. It’s a sugar daddy thing, clearly

If there are any real women out there, can they confirm or deny this statement? You can buy this – and a few other designs – from MatchFitCouture for £19.99.

If any German Pies readers can explain what’s going on here, I’d be very grateful. I recognise Owen Hargreaves (looking happy to be sandwiched between a couple of honeys), Phillip Lahm (looking about 12 years old) and Roque Sante Cruz (looking tall, dark and handsome), but who are the women?

The big shock to me is that Ashley Cole comes across as marginally less wooden than his Geordie missus. The way she says ‘We’re engaged’, you’d think she doesn’t have a clue what ‘We’re engaged’ means. At least the glint in Cole’s eye makes him look like he’s semi-aware of the ridiculousness of the celebrity […]

Come in Victoria Beckham, your time is up. The harsh truth is that footballers’ wives are only news-worthy if their blokes are performing on the pitch… David Beckham’s star is fading and so will interest in his missus. Carly Zucker, on the other hand, is on the way up. Zucker, a 24-year-old personal trainer, is […]