By Ollie Irish

“Did I leave the oven on?”

“No, I didn’t.”

Waist up: plenty of win.

Waist down: Stevie Wonder + scissors.

By Ollie Irish

Sunderland 4-0 Bolton, Premier League

At last! With this spanking of Bolton, Sunderland claimed their first three points of the new year and ended a run of 14 games without a victory. Darren Bent scored a hat-trick, after Fraizer Campbell had scored the quickest Prem goal of the season (41 seconds in), and Steve Bruce let out a rather large sigh of relief.

Sunderland move above Bolton into 13th, but still only six points above the relegation zone. Both teams have work to do before they reach safety, but I can’t see either going down – there are too many shit teams below them for that.

The best photos from the Stadium of Light:

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Sunderland's Fraizer Campbell (2nd right) is congratulated by his team mates after scoring the first goal of the game, after just 41 seconds

For a so-called friendly, this was a needlessly excessive tackle by De Jong, who afterwards shrugged it off, saying: “Such offences are part of football. I went for the ball and got the opponent at the end.”

Yes you did, and there was absolutely no need to get the opponent in this case. I like De Jong but this is a black mark for him.

Tough break for Holden, who will be out for up to two months with a fractured right fibula, and also for his club Bolton Wanderers, who could really use the young American in the Prem run-in.

By Chris Wright

The gossip is all a bit Liverpool heavy this morning. Here’s the round up…

It takes a real man to go sleeveless

Rumour No. 1: Inter Milan are to launch another bid for Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, but only once Jose Mourinho has renewed his contract at the San Siro.

Inter President Massimo Moratti is eager for ‘The Special One’ to extend his deal from 2012 to 2013 (with a €2 million pay rise), and Moratti will offer an extra incentive by making the necessary funds available to strengthen the squad however Mourinho sees fit – with the acquisition of the England man being his top priority.

Gerrard has repeatedly stated his reluctance to leave his beloved hometown club, but the prospect of a Champions League-less season next term may force him to reconsider his future at Anfield.

“Look to the east when the sun rises on the third day”

Rumour No. 2: Liverpool’s talismanic striker Fernando Torres has admitted in an interview with Sport magazine that he ‘couldn’t play for another club in England’ after enjoying such a successful time at Anfield – good news so far for ‘Pool fans…

However, he is also quoted as saying that the only club he could see himself leaving Merseyside for is Barcelona. Ah.

The Best of the Rest: Manchester City are on ‘red alert’ because Gonzalo Higuain has reportedly rejected the offer of a new contract at Real Madrid.

Nani has urged Manchester United to sign his compatriot and former team-mate at Sporting Lisbon, Miguel Veloso.

Italian giants AC Milan and Roma are monitoring William Gallas‘ continuing contract dispute at Arsenal.

Speaking of Arsenal, The Gunners are apparently still tracking Felipe Melo, who joined Juventus in the summer after snubbing a move to The Emirates.

Everton have joined the race for West Brom midfielder Graham Dorrans.

Birmingham City are to make a fresh £8.5 million bid for Estudiantes striker Mauro Boselli.

Wigan and Stoke are sniffing round Serbian defender Dusko Tosic, who is a free agent after being released by Portsmouth.

Wolves are planning to pinch Man City striker Benjani from under the noses of Sunderland (where the Zimbabwean is currently on loan) and West Ham in the summer.

Bolton boss Owen Coyle is keen to make American midfielder Stuart Holden’s loan move into a permanent one.

By Ollie Irish

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Bolton Wanderers' Ivan Klasnic (left) battles for the ball with Tottenham Hotspurs' Michael Dawson (right) and Wilson Palacios

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If 4-0 looks like a drubbing, it’s deceptive – Bolton had lots of chances, played well but couldn’t finish for toffee. Spurs were simply more clinical in front of goal, particularly Roman Pavlyuchenko.

Maybe Pav isn’t such a donkey after all? The Russian bagged his second double in four days to help his side earn a quarter-final tie at Fulham. His attitude seems to be much more positive of late, but I still worry that one bad game and he’ll be back to his sulking worst. I still think Harry Redknapp doesn’t fancy him, or trust him to change his spots permanently – and Arry sees him on a day-to-day basis, so he should know – but for now the Russian is a more-than-useful weapon in Spurs’ armoury. Can he do it in the Prem though? Remains to be seen.

By Chris Wright.

Tell me on a Sunday. Here’s the round up…

The new ‘ginger ninja’?

Rumour No. 1: Manchester United are keen on recruiting Bolton’s Mark Davies as a replacement for their aging maestro, Paul Scholes. Davies has produced some eye catching displays of energy and endeavour for The Trotters this season and Sir Alex Ferguson is keen to beat Liverpool, who are also rumoured to be interested, to the 21 year old’s signature.

‘Ha! U Nude Moon’

Rumour No. 2: Everton are to make a £4 million offer for Manchester City’s Nedum Onuoha. David Moyes is a long-term admirer of the versatile defender and will make his move in July.

The Best of the Rest: Manchester United centre back Nemanja Vidic will leave the club in the summer, joining either Real Madrid (possible) or Manchester City (no…just…no) in a £20 million deal.

The sizeable hole left by Vidic in the heart of United’s defence will be filled by (here comes that bloody name again) Simon Kjaer who will arrive at Old Trafford from Palermo for a fee of around £10 million.

Man Utd will also use some of the left-over Vidic cash to fund a £18 million move for Real Madrid misfit Karim Benzema.

Manchester City will make a €35 million bid for Inter Milan full back Maicon during the close season.

Chelsea are planning a ridiculously large £9 million swoop for Newcastle centre back Steven Taylor in the summer.

Barcelona are reportedly budgeting for a huge £60 million move for ‘Cesc Fabergas after the World Cup.

AC Milan hope to sign Arsenal’s William Gallas on a free when his contract runs out at the end of the current season.

West Ham midfielder Valon Behrami looks set to join Palermo in July.

Blackburn Rover’s are to try and pinch Benjani from Sunderland when the striker’s loan deal at The Stadium of Light ends in five months time.

Blackburn are also monitoring Standard Liege striker Dieumerci (‘Thank You God’) Mbokani.

Good to see that Hull City are setting their sights high. The Tigers are planning a raid on Derby County for right back Nicky Hunt (currently on loan from Bolton) and midfielder Paul Green.

By Ollie Irish

Another very predictable result; Eastlands is a fortress, Bolton suck away from home. You do the maths.

A goal in each half was enough for City to stay in the hunt for fourth place. Carlos Tevez banged in a penalty after Paul Robinson felled new signing Adam Johnson, then Emmanuel Adebayor thrashed home a volley from close range. Job done, but not a match that will live long in the memory, though I thought Johnson looked sharp and comfortable at this level.

Photos from Eastlands:

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Manchester City's Emmanuel Adebayor attempts an overhead kick

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By Chris Wright

Busy, busy, busy. Here’s the round up…

Decisions decisions

Rumour No. 1: Gianfranco Zola has confirmed that Benni McCarthy will be a West Ham player by the end of the transfer window and that he is also keen to add one more name to his roster of forward options.

West Ham have reportedly held talks with four strikers, with St. Etienne’s Brazilian striker Ilan, Lyon’s Frederic Piquionne (currently on loan at Portsmouth), Reggiana’s Daniele Cacia and Tottenham’s Robbie Keane all on The Hammer’s deadline day shopping list.

UPDATE: Make that five! West Ham have reportedly opened talks with Mateja Kezman as well. The Serbian striker is currently on loan at Zenit St. Petersburg from Paris Saint-Germain.

UPDATE: Make that six! Egyptian striker Mido is currently at Upton Park discussing a six month loan move from Middlesbrough. I could be totally off the mark here but I reckon West Ham might be on the look out for a centre forward.

Stefano’s a fantastic dribbler, all down the front of his shirt

Rumour No. 2: AS Roma’s young striker Stefano Okaka has joined Fulham on a six month deal. Okaka signed off in style at the Stadio Olimpico after coming off the bench to score a cheeky winning goal at Siena last night, before flying to London to finalise his loan move to The Cottagers.

The Best of the Rest: Fulham are also looking to secure Aston Villa’s Nicky Shorey on a six month loan deal.

Sunderland have ended their interest in Habib Beye and switched their sights to signing Tottenham right back Alan Hutton on loan.

Wolves have made an absolutely, positively final bid of £5 million for Hull’s Stephen Hunt. Mick McCarthy is also keen to sign James Vaughan on loan from Everton.

Stoke City are trying to hijack Tottenham’s bid for Portsmouth keeper Asmir Begovic. It’s thought that The Potter’s offer of a first team place will sway the Bosnian stopper toward The Britannia.

Stoke may also make a surprise bid for Jermaine Pennant who is currently at Real Zaragoza.

Birmingham City have now targeted FC Basel’s Marco Streller in their desperate search for a striker.

Blackburn Rovers are working hard to sign a replacement for Benni McCarthy and have set thier sights on either Stoke’s James Beattie, Man City’s Benjani or Lens’ Aruna Dindane.

Portsmouth are trying to sign Sunderland’s Nyron Nosworthy on loan but have Bolton’s Danny Shittu lined up as an alternative should The Black Cats spurn their advances.

Newcastle are nearing a deal to sign Leon Best from Coventry City.

Ipswich boss Roy Keane is to raid his former club Sunderland for striker Daryl Murphy.

Celtic have signed Diomansy Kamara from Fulham until the end of the season.

By Chris Wright

I’ll be your private dancer, dancing for rumours. Here’s the round up…

Loic would be a ‘Nice’ addition to the Arsenal squad

Rumour No. 1: Arsenal are going to have to wait until the summer if they want to sign £13m-rated Nice striker Loic Remy. The Gunners had initially planned to make a bid for the Frenchman during January but the 23 year old forward has stated his desire to finish the season at his current club.

After being snubbed by Remy, Arsene Wenger has turned his attention back to Bordeaux’s Marouane Chamakh. The Arsenal boss is desperately trying to tie the Moroccan striker to a £50,000-a-week pre-contract agreement as the search for a new striker intensifies at The Emirates. Can’t help but feel you’ve left it a little late Arsene!

A definite done Dindane deal? Doubt it

Rumour No. 2: Birmingham City have pulled out of their deal to sign Aruna Dindane from Lens. The transfer has fallen through due to Birmingham only wanting to take the Ivorian striker on loan, but Lens only willing to agree to a £4.5 million permanent deal.

Brum’s search for a striker during January has been fruitless so far, and it looks set to remain that way as Alex McLeish has seen yet another bid for Roman Pavlyuchenko (£9 million) and a fresh enquiry for Ryan Babel both rejected this morning.

The Best of the Rest: Stoke have entered the race to sign highly rated Portsmouth keeper Asmir Begovic. The Bosnian stopper has been heavily linked with a move to Tottenham recently.

Tottenham are reportedly willing to let Robbie Keane join Sunderland on loan, as Spurs try to make room for new boy Eidur Gudjohnsen.

Spurs have also admitted that out-of-favour full back Alan Hutton is attracting interest from ‘a number’ of Premier League clubs.

Man Utd midfielder Anderson’s stupidly high wages may price him out of a switch to Ligue 1 giants Lyon.

Wolves are mulling over a £2 million move for Blackburn Rovers striker Jason Roberts.

Blackburn themselves are desperate to replace outbound striker Benni McCarthy with Stoke’s James Beattie.

Burnley have signed Celtic left back Danny Fox on a permanent deal.

Arsenal whipper-snapper Jack Wilshere has finally joined Bolton on loan.

Nottingham Forest are to launch a late bid for Swansea midfielder Darren Pratley.

By Chris Wright

Rumours, like the corners of my mind. Here’s the round up…

Standing on a drawing pin is the worst pain known to man

Rumour No. 1: Manchester City have seen their latest bid for Middlesbrough winglet (winger + starlet) Adam Johnson turned down as the England U21 man has apparently vowed to stay at ‘Boro and help get them back into the Premier League.

City have already seen a bid of £4 million for Johnson rebuffed by The Teeside club earlier in January and it is though that their latest offer is nearer the £6 million mark.

TRIO! TRI-I-O! I wanna trio and I want one now!

Rumour No. 2: Spurs are featuring fairly heavily in the gossip columns this morning. It has been reported that ‘Arry Redknapp is desperate to bring in some goalkeeping cover and has targeted a trio of The Football League’s leading lights as potential cover for Heurelho Gomes.

Coventry’s Keiren Westwood, Watford’s Scott Loach and Peterborough’s Joe Lewis are all said to be high on the Tottenham manager’s wish list.

The Best of the Rest: Arsenal youngster Jack Wilshere is on the verge of finally completing his loan move to Bolton.

Vasco De Gama have distanced themselves from speculation linking AWOL Man Utd midfielder Anderson with a move to the Brazilian club.

Wigan boss Roberto Martinez has confirmed that the club have received ‘insulting’ offers for Honduran full back Maynor Figueroa.

Dirk Kuyt’s agent has dismissed claims that the Liverpool forward will be joining Juventus in the summer.

West Ham are preparing a big money bid to sign both David Bentley and Alan Hutton from Tottenham.

Inter Milan’s Luis Jimenez has ended his loan at West Ham and returned to Italy. The Chilean has immediately been loaned out again to Parma.

Portsmouth have made Spartak Moscow winger Quincy Owusu-Abeyie their first signing after the club’s transfer embargo was lifted. The former Arsenal and Birmingham man has joined Pompey on loan until the end of the season.

Birmingham City have confirmed that defender Martin Taylor is in talks with Newcastle United over a possible loan switch.

FC Basle striker Marco Streller has told Swiss media that he has rejected a £6 million move to Fulham.

Reported Liverpool target Jeremy Menez (currently at Roma) is mulling over a move to Zenit St. Petersburg that would see him reunited with former Giallorossi coach Luciano Spaletti.

By Ollie Irish

Which manager fills you with confidence? Clue: it’s not the man who looks like an insurance salesman

Burnley fans gave Owen Coyle a predictably ‘Judasy’ reception at the Reebok, but for all the banners and pantomime jeering, it was Coyle and his new team that laughed last. Chung-Yong Lee’s winning goal, scored in the 35th minute, earned the home team a vital three points; Coyle’s replacement at Turf Moor, Brian Laws, is still looking for his first victory. Uh-oh. Already, there seems to be a gathering gloom at Burnley in the post-Coyle era – the Scot is a winner, Laws less so.

Photos from the Reebok:

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Burnley fans show there disapproval towards former Burnley manager Owen Coyle

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By Chris Wright

Rumour, rumour, rumour, rumour, rumour chameleon. Here lies today’s round up…

Don’t worry, it’s not that Sissoko

Rumour No. 1: The Daily Mail is reporting today that Manchester United are preparing a huge £18 million bid for Toulouse midfielder Moussa Sissoko. The 20 year old is to be bought in as a direct replacement for Anderson with Alex Ferguson keen to offload the under-performing Brazilian.

The French international was strongly linked with Tottenham in the summer but, even after Spurs made a bid of £15 million, Toulouse declared that the young star wasn’t for sale. United are now hoping to entice the Ligue 1 team into letting Sissoko move on by wafting an even bigger wad of cash under their noses.

Robinho tries to ’seal’ a deal

Rumour No. 2: A story in The Sun this morning is suggesting that Brazilian club Santos have made an approach to resign Manchester City winger Robinho on loan until the end of the season. The report goes as far as to say that City’s FA Cup clash at Scunthorpe tomorrow will be Robinho’s last game for the club, should the forward even feature.

The Best of the Rest: Man City have seen their bids for Crystal Palace’s Victor Moses (£2 million) and Racing Santander’s Sergio Canales (£5.5 million) both turned down.

Fiorentina striker Adrian Mutu has also snubbed a move to Eastlands. 

Blackburn Rovers are in advanced talks to bring Monaco forward Eidur Gudjohnsen back to the Premier League on loan. Rovers are also working to sign Stuttgart midfielder Yildiray Bastürk during January.

However, Morten Gamst Pedersen may be a player on his way out of Ewood Park. Fenerbache have been strongly linked with the Norwegian midfielder.

Birmingham City have secured the signature of Aston Villa midfielder Craig Gardner for £3 million – subject to passing a medical.

Another player who looks to be on his way out of Villa Park is Habib Beye, with Sunderland said to be ‘very keen’ on the Senegalese right back.

Fulham have bid £6 million for FC Basle striker Marco Streller. The 6′ 5” target man would presumably be bought in as cover for the injured Bobby Zamora.

Bolton and West Ham have both been linked with a cut price move for Burnley centre half Clarke Carlisle.

The Hammers are also trying to tie up an 18 month loan deal for Blackburn striker Benni McCarthy, to get round some tricky work permit issues.

Inter Milan journey man Ricardo Quaresma looks like he may be moving on again, with his former club Sporting Lisbon willing to take the out-of-form winger back to Portugal.

By Chris Wright

Weiss he on the toilet?

It has just been made official that Manchester City’s Slovakian starlet Vladimir Weiss has joined Bolton Wanderers on loan for the rest of the season.

The 20 year old winger has struggled to force his way into the first team at Eastlands this season despite some decent performances in The Carling Cup, and has gone out on loan to keep himself sharp with the World Cup in mind.

By Ollie Irish

Boo!

Arsenal are top of the league. There, I said it. That wasn’t easy. I’m off for a hot shower, using a wire brush to clean myself…

… Okay, I’m back. As I said, Arsenal are top of the Prem. What does this mean? It means they haven’t missed Robin van Persie anything like as much as I thought they would – mainly because Cesc Fabregas has picked up the slack and played like a demon. He has added steel and grit to his game, which in turn seems to have rubbed off on the whole team – that’s the way leadership works (see Roy Keane).

Thanks mostly to Cesc, the 09/10 vintage appears to have more self-belief than any Arsenal squad since The Invincibles. Whether or not that means they can win the title… who knows? My money would still be on Chelsea, with Arsenal second and Man Utd third.

That’s just my opinion – the thing is, Arsenal have proved to the doubters that they CAN win the title. Interesting times. In a perverse way – perverse because I’m a Spud – I’d rather Arsenal won it than Man Yoo or Chelsea, if only for the change. Time for another shower…

The other talking point from last night’s game was Billy Gallas’s nasty tackle on Mark Davies, which Owen Coyle has since branded an “assault“. Gallas is not a particularly nasty player (sly maybe), but it was a bad challenge. At least Arsene Wenger apologised for it. And, as Arseblog points out, “Bolton complaining about fair play is a bit like a burglar who tries to sue you when you clatter him across the head with a baseball bat when you find him in your house.” (I laughed.)

Still, Gallas should have been sent off, but he wasn’t, and Davies is still walking, so let’s move on. Owen Coyle, for one, will be delighted to see the back of Arsenal.

Pics from the Emirates below:

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The Arsenal team pause for a minute's silence to remember the victims of the earthquake in Haiti

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By Chris Wright

Some people call me The Gangster of Rumours, some people call me Maurice…

…Here’s the round up.

Could be Gago, could be a tiny Argentinian girl

Rumour No. 1: Manchester City are to sign Real Madrid midfielder Fernando Gago as well as Mathieu Flamini. The Madrid man as been quoted as saying that he may possibly be looking for a move away from the Bernabeu and The Premier League seems to be his preferred destination.

City boss, Roberto Mancini is apparently keen to employ a fifteen man midfield and sees Gago slotting in perfectly as one of his six holding players.

Kenwyne pokes Steve Bruce’s nose with an invisible fishing rod

Rumour No. 2: One of the most boringly drawn out rumours of the window has resurfaced yet again today. Liverpool have once more been linked with a move for Sunderland’s Kenwyne Jones.

The story has an added blockbuster twist this morning though! Apparently a loan deal (with the view to a permanent move in the summer) would mean that any monetary impact the transfer may have would be carried into the next financial year – in other words, Liverpool are looking for a tax dodge.

The fact that Steve Bruce has repeatedly said that he won’t let Jones leave for a penny less than £14 million is apparently a moot point.

The Best of the Rest: Chelsea utility man Juliano Belleti has admitted he is ‘in the dark’ regarding rumours of a January switch to Flamengo.

Man City have also been linked to CSKA Moscow’s promising winger Milos Krasic. The Serbian has been interesting the likes of Manchester United, Arsenal and Inter Milan after some eye-catching performances in The Champions League.

The Citizens also remain hopeful of signing Rubin Kazan’s Argentinian full back Cristian Ansaldi.

Everton may sell striker James Vaughan during January, presumably to make way for Jermaine Beckford.

Stoke City, Burnley and Middlesbrough are all keen on signing Portsmouth’s Hayden Mullins.

Fulham have entered the race to sign James Beattie from Stoke.

Bolton Wanderers want to sign Jamie O’Hara from Tottenham but the move would need a special FIFA sanction as O’Hara has already appeared for two clubs (Spurs and Portsmouth) this season.

Wolves have signed Geoffrey Mujangi-Bia from Belgian club Charleroi on loan until the end of the season.

Hull City are hoping to sign David Healy on loan but the Sunderland striker has said that he wouldn’t be averse to dropping down to The Championship for regular game time, which has alerted Newcastle United and West Brom.

Derby County want to sign Arsenal youngster Gilles Sunu on loan and Millwall left back Dave Martin for £125,000.