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Who ate all the pies

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Chelsea

Chelsea: All the latest Chelsea flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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Just look at the state of poor Petr Cech. He has been a pretty forlorn character ever since his horrific collision with Stephen Hunt forced him to wear his protective cap. But looking like the kid in PE class with the overprotective mum still hasn’t keep him out of trouble. Despite his training ground clash with Tal Ben Haim, with Carlo Cudicini also injured Cech has been rushed back to action to avoid Portuguese keeper Hilneverbegoodenoughfortoplayio being left to his own devices.

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It ain’t going to be Avram Grant, and that is fo’ sho’. As Chelsea’s form dips once again, it seems likely that this summer Roman Abramovich will present the Israeli with a shiny new badge saying ‘director of football’, or ‘general manager’, or ‘general manager of club shop’. While Grant is unlikely to be given the sack – Abramovich’s pride probably wouldn’t allow for that – a new man will probably be brought in to take over the first-team reigns. The question is, who will it be?

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Premier League and Champions League football is a high-pressured workplace for any player. If you are not accustomed to the rigours of first-team action it can come as a shock to the system. Chelsea’s serial benchwarmer, Carlo Cudicini, has been thrown in at the deep end with a run in the Chelsea first-team which must have taken its toll. It looks like the news that Petr Cech is out for the rest of the season has tipped Carlo over the edge. Look at him! He has flipped out! Crazy!

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Some excellent Horror Hair potential in the first leg of the FA Youth Cup final last night. Chelsea youngster Miroslav Stoch presumably went into his barber and asked for a long back and short sides. His nouveau mullet puts ‘Nando Torres’ to shame. The 18-year-old Slovakian is rumoured to be on the verge of a first-team appearance.

Arsenal vs Liverpool (7.45pm BST)
The battle of Britain commences with the first of three games in succession between these two teams. Arsenal will have to decide whether to move Eboue back into defence in place of the injured Bacary Sagna while Liverpool will continue with their latest system of using Gerrard in the hole behind the in-form Fernando Torres.

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Meet professional Ashley Cole lookalike Leon Knight. Last time we checked Leon Knight was a Wycombe Wanderers striker who began his career with Chelsea. But this Leon Knight’s only connection with the Blues is the fact that he is paid to impersonate Ashley Cole.

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Four-goal Frank Lampard is getting a bit too big for his boots and Didier Drogba doesn’t like it one bit. What he needs is a good shove in the back to bring his Messiah-like celebrations to an abrupt end and leave him flat on his face (or at least flat on his belly with his face hanging dangerously close to the pitch).

You are England so you have to speak English.” No wonder Lassana Diarra couldn’t wait to quit Chelsea. Just look at this relentless bullying. Apparently Geremi is Diarra’s father!

untitledcup.bmpChas and / or Dave have been crooning, Chelsea pensioners have been medal polishing and about 90,000 fans have been squeezed through Wembley Park’s slightly sticky tube station. Yes, after weeks of arguing on the dirty, jellied eel stinking streets of Landaaan Taan, the Carling Cup Final is upon us at last.
And for those of us who haven’t been able to make the match today, you can follow the big game right here through Chelsea Pies and Spurs Pies. If you need to rant anger about how your team are performing at Wembley, don’t just shout at the cat – shout at our writers / other Chelsea and Spurs fans. So get a cold beer, slap on the TV and enjoy a good moan about the match.
Click here to head to the Chelsea LIVE match debate, or here to follow the LIVE Spurs blog. Enjoy the game!

Thanks to Pies reader nahim1989 for this fine submission. I have never watched Naruto: Shippuden, but according to Nahim it is ‘wildy popular’.

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Frank Lampard scored his 100th goal for Chelsea during their FA Cup win over Huddersfield. First and foremost, that vest must be minging because his 99th goal came back in December. Secondly, who was Frank making the dedication to?

This morning’s top football stories… John Terry (pictured) thinks he’s fully recovered from his foot injury. Avram Grant, he say ‘No, no, no!’ The Sun Global opposition to the Premier League’s ‘international round’ is growing so fast that North America now looks to be the only region that will embrace the beleaguered project. Mail Five […]

It is shocking that Liverpool’s Javier Mascherano was not sent-off for savagely wiping out Mike Riley yesterday. The referee took a tumble dying swan style during the dull 0-0 draw between the Reds and Chelsea after somehow getting his legs all tangled up in Mascherano’s pass.

Some of the most interesting football stories doing the rounds today: 1. Korean players are deliberately dislocating their own shoulders to avoid national service. Ouch. The Offside 2. Sepp Blatter wants a vote on quotas for home-grown players to take place in May. Under Blatter’s proposal, club sides would be forced to field a minimum […]

It’s clear that Ivory Coast are by far the strongest team at the Africa Cup of Nations. They destroyed Guinea 5-0 in the quarter finals, and will surely get past either Angola or Egypt in the semis. The only man who can stop them from lifting the trophy is… Michael Essien. He has dragged Ghana […]

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

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West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

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Spotted on 101GreatGoals.

Joe Cole scores the only goal of the Carling Cup semi Final, second-leg match between Everton and Chelsea at Goodison Park. Everton have not beaten Chelsea since November 2000, a hoodoo of Arsenal vs Spurs proportions. Incidentally, Petr Cech played last night despite his wife giving birth to their first child – who said the […]

The facts: Avram Grant has stormed to 21 wins in his first 28 games in charge of Chelsea. Grant has been without the services of injured captain John Terry. Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba have missed plenty of games too. After Chelsea reached the Carling Cup final, with a 1-0 win at Everton last night […]

Daily Club Pies 18/01/08

January 18th, 2008

The votes are in:Gooners want Arsene Wenger to sign cover for Kolo Toure Arsenal Pies Branislav Ivanovic’s wife is not as sexy as this Chelsea Pies Steven Gerrard named in Uefa’s Team of the Year. Liverpool Pies How well would a Man Yoo Old Boys XI do in the Prem? Man Utd Pies Does Tottenham’s […]

The hottest five football stories doing the rounds this morning… 1. Kevin Keegan to be unveiled at St James’ Park today, but not in front of the Toon Army. BBC Sport 2. Rio Ferdinand: ‘I’d love to be England captain, innit. I’d merk that job.’ Sky Sports 3. Shaun Wright-Phillips and Jermain Defoe issue ‘come […]

Daily Club Pies 16/01/08

January 17th, 2008

Arsenal Pies Will Mathieu Flamini join Claudio ‘The Tinkerman’ Ranieri at Juventus? Chelsea Pies Will Shaun-Wright Phillips be Kevin Keegan’s No.1 transfer target at Newcastle? Liverpool Pies Dubai Investment Capital are willing and able to buy out Tom Hicks’ stake in Liverpool. Troubling times ahead at Anfield? Man Utd Pies Five weeks and counting until […]

This hilarious video shows Jose Mourinho forging a new career as the Special presenter of Setanta Sports phone-in I’m On Setanta Sports. No cabbage. Bring back Special One.