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Who ate all the pies

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Chelsea

Chelsea: All the latest Chelsea flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

CHELSEA Petr Cech Solid until Ryan Babel’s late late goal, which he really should have saved. 6 Michael Essien Started at right-back, but got involved in all areas of the pitch. An immense performance. 8 John Terry Not always convincing, but didn’t do too much wrong. 7 Ricardo Carvalho Like Terry, Liverpool’s attack gave him […]

The Drog showed off his masterful range of “look at me!” gestures during last night’s CL semi. A man-of-the-match performance: “What’s that? You’ll have to speak up, I can’t hear you because I’m so much richer than you and my ears are stuffed with £50 notes…” More poses after the break…

Highlights of last night’s barnstorming semi, the best European game ever contested between these two teams, which usually cancel each other out: Great game, and you have to say the right team won. And I bet Sir Alex Ferguson was loving the fact that Chelsea were forced to play extra time.

The cheeky young scamp. You should respect your elders. Don’t you know he’s got an MBE? Shame on you. This young Chelsea fan pretends he wants to shake hands with the Liverpool skipper, but has no intention of going through with it…

This clip from French TV shows at least part of the already infamous Battle of the Bridge in which Manchester United players got into a scuffle with Chelsea ground staff after Saturday’s match. It is difficult to see what started the incident (especially as it was allegedly something said by one of the groundstaff). Patrice Evra seems to charge at a groundsman who swings for the left-back, knocking a steward over in the process. Why not sit in a darkened room behind Venetian blinds and make your own judgement on the video for that authentic FA experience?

Michael Ballack had his best game in a Chelsea shirt on Saturday against Man Utd, and I believe it’s no coincidence that Frank Lampard was not playing alongside him. The Englishman, who was absent due to the sad, untimely death of his mother Pat, is a fine player but in my opinion he is a […]

No doubting the big game this weekend. The title will all but be decided at Stamford Bridge tomorrow lunchtime as Chelsea take on Man Yoo in what Sky Sports may or may not be calling the Battle for the Universe in an action-packed commercial set to the Star Wars theme. Anyway, here is a classic moment sent in by Pies reader Mr E Dunphy, of Dublin.

Didn’t get a chance to post this up yesterday. For the seven people in England who heven’t yet seen it, here’s Jon Arne Riise’s tragi-comic own goal: Oops. You have to laugh (unless you’re a Liverpool fan).

The Champions League semi-final picture is no clearer after the first legs. Both games ended in draws, with little to choose between either set of teams. Chelsea probably have the edge after Riise’s late own goal, but it’s way too early to write off Liverpool, who outplayed the Blues for most of the first leg […]

On the left is Tom Hicks Jr, son of Liverpool co-owner Tom Hicks (funny that). On the right is Foster Gillett, son of Liverpool co-owner George. Both heirs attended last night’s Champions League semi final at Anfield; both men were seen wearing a Liverpool scarf – Hicks Jr even waved his about like a proper […]

Good to see that Thommo, an ex-Liverpool stalwart, is professional enough to retain his composure when things don’t go his way… If this childish petulance represents the level of punditry in this country, we’re in serious trouble. Desperate stuff. Chaps, you’re not down the pub.

LIVERPOOL Jose Reina Had little to do. Some decent distribution out of hand, and could do nothing about Riise’s own goal 6/10 Alvaro Arbeloa Not one of his best games. Sloppy in possession. 5 Jamie Carragher A typically committed performance from a player who thrives on nights like this. Not pretty, but very effective. 7 […]

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1 If John Arne Riise had a sensible haircut he probably wouldn’t have diverted Salomon Kalou’s cross into his net.

Pies’ gang of “experts” (cough) calls tonight’s CL semi: Ollie, Pies Ed. “The red team will score first, then the blue team will equalise. Either that, or it will happen the other way around. This is a nailed-on 1-1 draw. Again.” Prediction 1-1 Lee, Chelsea Pies Ed. “Nothing (literally nothing) will happen for 60 minutes, […]

God, who apparently is like “the referee on life’s big pitch”, has not revealed the correct score of this Chelsea vs Liverpool encounter. At least not to this preaching loon, who seems a little startled when a Chelsea fans confronts him. The fence-sitting Jesus freak, as I believe they are called, goes for a 2-2 […]

Ooh… erm… let me see. There must be something – they’ve played four Champions League semi-finals matches against each other in the past three years. Surely this series of matches must have generated at least one memorable moment. Well, erm… did Steven Gerrard have a shot at some point? I can’t remember – I think I was must have drifted off at that point. Oh! There was Luis Garcia’s goal, but then again that wasn’t really a goal… Hmm… what about Stephen Warnock’s chewing gum prank on John Arne Riise.

Chelsea’s Frank Lampard and Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard should both be fit for tomorrow night’s Champions League semi-final at Anfield. Which is nice. F365 Jose Mourinho has finally agreed to manage Inter Milan. Not only that, but he wants to snatch Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba from Chelsea. The traitor. The Sun Striker Samuel Eto’o […]

Sir Alex Ferguson is getting on, Arsene Wenger hasn’t won anything for three seasons, Rafa Benitez seems pissed off at the whole Hicks vs Gillett/Parry circus (can you blame him?) and Avram Grant can do no right, even when he does no wrong. So which of the big four’s gaffers do you think will leave […]

Liverpool must repay £31.5 million to banking institutions in little more than a year or risk having to sell Fernando Torres and Ryan Babel! Yeah, can’t see that happening. The Times Avram Grant gives the silent treatment to newspaper journalists after Chelsea’s win at Everton. Daily Mail Hicks vs Gillett, round 1,268: George Gillett issued […]

EVERTON 0-1 CHELSEA Chelsea goal Essien 41 The title race is still alive, thanks to a gritty performance by Chelsea. Winning at Everton is no easy feat, so Avram Grant’s team deserves a lot of credit for scratching out a result, especially without Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack or Frank Lampard in the line-up. Everton, for […]

How will Manchester United win the Premier League title? Just like that. Avram Grant was coming over a bit Tommy Cooper on the touchline last night as Chelsea picked up three points with a 0-1 win at Everton.

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If you believe the newspapers, Roman Abramovich has set aside a £100m transfer fund to bring in new players in the summer. That can buy at least five or six world-class talents (or one Cristiano Ronaldo). Which players should Avram Grant (or Frank Rijkaard, or whoever’s in charge of Chelsea then) have at the top […]

The crime ‘Heyyyyyyyy! It’s me, Frankie Boy!’ Here’s Lamps, strolling through the set of West Side Story Fulham, clad in black leather jacket – with collar up, naturally – and 1980s shades. He also seems to be rocking a hideous, XXL-sized watch with yellow (yellow!) strap. The punishment Being forced to watch every single episode […]

Today’s top football stories… Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra (pictured) will conduct a review of the club as speculation mounts about manager Sven-Goran Eriksson’s future. Thaksin has revealed he is unhappy with City’s showing in the second half of the Premier League season. BBC Sport David Villa is ready to snub Chelsea and move to […]