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Who ate all the pies

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Chelsea

Chelsea: All the latest Chelsea flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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Again, whilst looking for something completely unrelated, I stumbled across this peculiar snap of Petr ÄŒech spread eagled in front of a camera man on the hollowed Wembley turf. What’s being said here do you reckon? “Come on Pete… this is the money shot…” or what? Chuck your version of events in the comments as usual Pieheads.

Just for the record, you know, to clear things up, Chelsea have NOT offered the manager’s job to Marco Van Basten. And the Dutch FA says the same thing. Got that? Because I wouldn’t want you to think otherwise… Avram Grant is going NOWHERE. You heard it here first (well, second or third). More on […]

Is Roman Abramovich paranoid?

September 26th, 2007

abramov.jpgIs it me or is Roman Abramovich getting a bit paranoid? When Chelsea face Hull City tonight, the Russian billionaire will be guarded by ten bodyguards this evening in the Directors’ Box. Including himself, that makes a weird starting XI. Hull’s chairman, Paul Duffen, told The Daily Mail: “His security people have been in touch for the past couple of weeks and 10 of the 24 tickets we offer visiting directors will be taken up by security.”…

76174664.jpgDoes anyone else think that it’s funny that the British press seemingly wants Sven Goran Eriksson as the new Chelsea boss? It seems a little more than ironic that the same press who dragged the Swede over the coals for his drab tactics and dour approach whilst at the helm of the England side, seemingly feel that he’s the man to keep Roman Abramovich happy with beautiful free flowing football in the demise of Jose Mourinho’s tenure….

76967757.jpgIt doesn’t make much sense to me that Man Utd would complain about Avram Grant being granted dispensation to manage Chelsea without a Uefa pro licence, as reported by BBC Sport. If I was involved with Man Utd, I’d want Avram Grant to remain as Chelsea manager for as long as possible – rather that than they bring in a world-class manager like Guus Hiddink, surely? It all seems a bit silly, given that Grant has already managed the Israeli national team.

I always thought Steven Gerrard should have been made captain of England, and John Terry’s increasingly shameful behaviour only reinforces that opinion. When JT tried to snatch the red card from ref Mike Dean’s hand during Sunday’s showdown between Man Utd and Chelsea at Old Trafford, he crossed the line. Terry deserves at least a […]

Cheers to Chris Wright for this lookalike.

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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The Sun today revealed that ‘Chelsea stars spent a boozy session in a local pub just hours before [Jose] Mourinho left… Captain John Terry, Frank Lampard, Ashley Cole, team staff and groundsmen crammed in to the Old Plough in Cobham, Surrey, near Chelsea’s training ground.’ The paper continues: ‘They spent 4½ hours downing pints of […]

Thanks to, er, me, for spotting this Shit Lookalike. New Chelski boss Avram and Boss Nass, who appeared in tragically rubbish Star Wars prequel, The Phantom Menace, could be long-lost brothers, no? Incidentally, Boss Nass was voiced by the great Brian Blessed, which is by far the most interesting thing about him. I’ve just noticed […]

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The BBC Sport website’s Mourinho Leaves Chelsea section, which relegated any other stories to Other Football News got me thinking: which other managers would command such domination of the website in the days following their departure? Fergie, probably. Arsene Wenger, maybe. But I doubt even that long-standing and successful duo would receive the same coverage as everyone’s favourite cocky Portuguese.

76892365.jpg“Chelsea Football Club and José Mourinho have agreed to part company today (Thursday) by mutual consent” There it is. Chelsea official statement on the departure of their talismanic manager José Mourinho. Get the feeling it took them by surprise as much as it did to us…

1 The Shaddap Your Face song Just a great impression from Gift Grub. Always makes me smile.

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Granted he may have been at that age when his looks would start to go a bit when he took over as Chelsea manager, but Jose Mourino’s one-man crusades against referees, opposition managers and, well, pretty much anyone daft enough to get in his way have certainly accelerated the ageing process.

‘What a shocking end of an era. Who would have thought that the words “mutual consent” would ever cause heartbreak? And the timing couldn’t have been worse… Abramovich wanted fantasy football, but Jose was never going to fit into that mould. Trophies weren’t enough for the big boss.’ Chelsea Pies ‘You win the league twice […]

Why are Chelsea’s fans so crap?

September 19th, 2007

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Last night saw Chelsea’s first Champions League game of the season at Stamford Bridge (capacity: 42,055). Worryingly for Roman Abramovich, Jose Mourinho and all concerned, just 24, 973 fans attended the 1-1 draw with Rosenborg, a frankly pathetic turn-out for a club that claims to be one of the biggest in Europe.

Is that the sound of wheels coming off at Stamford Bridge? Not exactly, but I really expected Chelsea to win this game with relative ease. Ironically, but somehow predictably, it was misfit Andriy Shevchenko who saved face, with an equaliser early in the second half. If we learned one thing from last night’s game, it’s that Chelsea are half the team without Dider Drogba and Frank Lampard.

Chelsea vs Rosenborg, Tues 18 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST) With no Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard in the team, you have to wonder where the goals will come from for Chelski. Andriy Shevchenko has scored 46 times in the Champions League, but only three of those goals have been in a blue Chelsea shirt. Jose […]

When we told you that Didier Drogba was to sing a song on the big stage, it got you Pies readers thinking. Pies regular, Chringle thought that he might ‘Live and Let Dive’, ‘Fall At Your Feet’, ‘Going Down In A Blaze Of Glory’ or ‘Get Up, Stand Up’ (much funnier than anything we could […]

Thanks to Stacy S for sending in this top quality Shit Lookalike. One’s a bald-headed goon who is part of a dysfunctional family… and the other – you’ve guessed it – is Uncle Fester (groan).

Here’s the first of our daily round-ups of some of the best posts on our excellent array of club sites dedicated to the big five (don’t laugh, but the big five does include Spurs), as well as Kickster, our new blog devoted to women’s football: Gunners rolling in cash (not unlike Demi Moore in Indecent […]

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Against Blackburn at the weekend, Chelsea forward Salomon Kalou had a perfectly fair goal disallowed by a linesman (Peter Kirkup) who didn’t seem to realise you can’t be offside if you are behind the ball.

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There was a lot to frighten a football fan at Stamford Bridge this weekend. Flying boots leaving players hospitalised? Check! Ranting Portugueser? Check! Shocking linesman? Check! Shevchenko playing like a Rushden & Diamonds part timer? Check check check!
All frightening, but what the hell spooked Robbie Savage here? Let us know what you think, and we’ll post some kind of answer just as soon as Mr Savage’s agent picks up his phone…


It was with much sadness that the yellow breaking news Sky Sports scrolly thing delivered us the news that Ian Porterfield had died last night. The double-hard Scotsman was probably best known for his time as a player at Sunderland, but he was also an international and Premier League manager.
Here, then as a mini tribute to the chap, are his top 10 sporting achievements as we see it. If you have any memories of Porterfield’s reign at your particular club / country please let us know…