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Who ate all the pies

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Chelsea

Chelsea: All the latest Chelsea flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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Marseille 1-2 Liverpool I agree with Alan Hansen that Liverpool will sneak the win they need to qualify for the next stage.

78133848.jpgChelesa win Group B with this mightily impressive away victory. Many experts thought there could be a shock on the cards in Norway, but that never looked like happening, as Avram Grant’s team cruised to a 4-0 win.
No.1 What was up with Rosenborg? Most of their players started as if they had been on the lash the night before. The league season is now over in Norway, so perhaps that had something to do with the fact that Rosenborg were so jaded and lacking in sharpness.

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Who’s the best and who should be left back in the changing room?

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There were some great goals scored at the weekend – Fernando Torres touch of class from the sub’s bench and Ronaldo’s finish from an exquisite Tevez pass come to mind – but we’re suckers for an overhead kick.

Nike’s Put It Where You Want It bandwagon has rolled on a long way since we showed you Wayne Rooney defacing a camera with his marker pen back in July. The latest stop for TV daredevils Dirty Sanchez on the Put It Where You Want tour is paying a visit to Chelsea and France winger Florent Malouda.

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Both of these mercenary strikers have been making unsubtle noises about leaving their respective clubs when the going got tough.

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1. Despite all the claims of a new brand of football, Avram Grant can do a good Jose Mourinho impression when he wants
2. Chelsea’s fluorescent yellow away kit was the brightest move they made last night

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Chelsea avoided defeat by the skin of the post’s paintwork as they weathered a storm of Schalke attacks last night, although they still only need one win from two to qualify.

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Schalke v Chelsea, Tues 6 November (ko 7.45pm BST)
Prediction Schalke 0-2 Chelsea

I used to think Ashley was such a nice boy when he was making his way at Arsenal – the sort of polite young man you could take to meet your parents. Then, something happened to him. He went over to the Dark Side, for what reason I don’t know exactly. It all started with […]

The sports minister, Gerry Sutcliffe, has branded John Terry’s salary ‘obscene’. Sutcliffe also attacked Chelski’s general attitude to cash. He said: ‘Good luck to John Terry but I think it is obscene to be on £150,000 a week,’ said Sutcliffe. ‘People in the street cannot understand salaries like that. Chelsea are £250m in the red […]

When was the last time Steven Gerrard scored a hat-trick? Exactly. Three goals by Captain Lamps and one from Andriy Shevchenko (a fine finish too) were enough – just – to see off a spirited Leicester side in what was a cracking, see-saw match. Chelsea did look shit at the back though, although they are […]

76780358.jpgIt’s been quite a year for Gareth Barry, he’s gone from international occasional to England’s most consistent performer and now there are rumours that Chelsea are preparing a £15m bid to bring him to the Bridge.

HEROES Rob Green Saved a last-gasp penalty (pictured) to snatch a point for West Ham at Pompey. Surely Green now has to be taken seriously for England’s No.1 shirt instead of Paul Robinson? Cesc Fabregas Showed off the full extent of his freakish maturity and talent with a wonderfully authoritative performance at Anfield. Stevie G […]

75417670.jpgIt seems they’ve tried everything but bionic body parts to try and restore Andriy Shevchenko to his former glory at Stamford Bridge – including enlisting the help of former athlete, Darren Campbell, to remind him how to run.

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The party line when Roman Abramovich decided to solve a problem like Mourinho was that he wanted his team to play more attractive football – but several games down the line under new management, is there really any difference?

73869663.jpgWhy’s it always strikers who throw their toys out of the pram first when things go wrong at a club?
Should clubs be taking a tougher stance with despondent players, whether they are scoring or not?

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Chelsea’s have rediscovered their form since beating Valencia in their previous match in this competition and Stamford Bridge has long been considered a fortress under Mourinho.

Didier Drogba and former England rugby union captain Martin Johnson pose at Stamford Bridge in NFL uniforms to promote the match between the NY Giants and Miami Dolphins, which will be played at Wembley Stadium on October 28th. Hmm, there must be a good caption or two in there… Photo Christopher Lee/Getty Images

Today’s most interesting/ridiculous/made-up in the pub football stories: Spurs have lined up Blackburn boss Mark Hughes to replace Martin Jol, if the struggling North Londoners fail to win at home against Rovers on Sunday. Will it happen? Not a chance. There’s no way Rovers will let Sparky go to Spurs – and I’m confident Hughes […]

The first in a Top Trumps-style series of Head to Heads pitches Mad Jens against the Drog. The category in question? Arrogance, which would obviously be the strongest suit of both players. So, who do you think is the more arrogant player (vote below)? Lehmann clearly thinks the sun shines out of every orifice of […]

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With Chelsea struggling to keep their stars happy while they supposedly attempt to change their style of play with an unproven manager, there’s a chance that another club could make it into the Big Four.

I miss Jose, and this is just one reason why. Puyol is one of those players who needs a slap, and The Special One duly obliges, in the tunnel before one of those ‘don’t come much bigger than this’ (Clive Tyldesley©) Chelsea vs Barcelona Champions League nights. Thanks Jose, from all of us.

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“Have you heard the one about the Englishman, Portuguese and Russian?”