Top of the morning to you… West Ham reject Tottenham’s £15m offer for Dean Ashton. Spurs dodged a bullet there [Guardian] The C-Ron saga is finally over, says Fergie. The boy’s staying [BBC] The long-term future of Man City is in doubt after it emerged that owner Thaksin Shinawatra has explored the possibility of selling [...]

Thursday’s loveliest links WIll Ferrell hearts Chelsea The American funny man was spotted on Jon Stewart’s Daily Show (there to promote new movie Step Brothers) wearing a Chelsea shirt. Go figure. [Unprofessional Foul] Safe soccer Some Cape Town footballers are putting condoms on their feet, so that their socks can stay up longer during matches. [...]

Today’s hottest news, rumours and lies have a three-chilli rating Aston Villa are very close (medical permitting) to signing Chelsea misfit Steve Sidwell (pictured) for £5m, as direct replacement for outgoing captain Gareth Barry. Who wants to point out to Martin O’Neill that Sidwell is nowhere near as good as Barry… [BBC] More after the [...]

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good [...]

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Transfer truths or sneaky speculation from bored hacks? You decide.

1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger has launched an £11 million bid to bring the new Zidane to the Emirates. Nasri wants to make the move and the only stumbling block is Marseille’s masterplan that they might get Hatem Ben Arfa in a swap deal if they sell to Lyon instead.

An ugly, but practical kit. This Everton away strip was safe to leave on the washing line in Liverpool because nobody would want to nick it. The season does hold some fond memories for Everton fans as they won the FA Cup. It also heralded the arrival of Joe Royle, Duncan Ferguson and Daniel Amokachi. I doubt very much if there are many Everton fans still getting wear out of this shirt.

Six rumours, but which is most likely to materialise?

1. Wayne Bridge to Juventus
Claudio Ranieri is eager to sign Wayne Bridge for the second time in his career to rescue him from playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. The Turin giants will battle a host of English clubs for Bridge’s signature and have made an official approach to Chelsea. [Daily Mail]

Pies rates each Premier League team based on the 07/08 campaign Arsenal (3rd) Played some quite beautiful football at times but faded badly in the last quarter of the season, after leading the pack – Arsene Wenger should have added to his squad in January. Still, to finish just two points behind Chelsea and four [...]

EVERTON 0-1 CHELSEA Chelsea goal Essien 41 The title race is still alive, thanks to a gritty performance by Chelsea. Winning at Everton is no easy feat, so Avram Grant’s team deserves a lot of credit for scratching out a result, especially without Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack or Frank Lampard in the line-up. Everton, for [...]

Well, it is probably not forgotten by any Evertonians over the age of 20, but the rest of us might need to have our memories refreshed. Graeme Sharp scored this beaut for Everton against Liverpool at Anfield – which makes it just about the perfect Everton goal. Sharp brings the ball down and creates some space with one touch of his left foot before firing home with his right.

Roma tried to take a very cheeky corner against AC Milan on Saturday. David Pizarro taps the ball with his foot as he places the ball and therefore takes the corner. Pizarro then pretends he doesn’t fancy taking the corner anymore and jogs off into the penalty area. Simone Perrotta runs over to the ball and, knowing the corner has already been taken, starts dribbling the ball towards the box. Very crafty, but unfortunately it was so sneaky that even the linesman missed it and Roma were pulled up!

Surely up there with the shittest of our Shit Lookalikes? One is bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the world, the other is a bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the midfield.

1 English side dominates against international opposition before losing on penalties. In the words of Morrissey: “Stop me if you think that you’ve. Heard this one before.” I have been talking Phil Jagielka up for an England call-up and it looks like his penalty-taking is already at the required level.

HEROES
Benjani Mwaruwari Scoring the winning goal in the Manchester derby is not a bad debut in anyone’s books, even if you are only there for the money!

Have you seen Yakubu? Because his club Everton haven’t. The Nigerian striker should have returned to training on Wednesday, but he hasn’t showed up. Team-mate Joseph Yobo did make it back in one piece, which makes Yakubu’s mysterious absence look even worse. Yakubu will reportedly be fined £80,000, the maximum permitted under PFA rules, when [...]

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

Joe Cole scores the only goal of the Carling Cup semi Final, second-leg match between Everton and Chelsea at Goodison Park. Everton have not beaten Chelsea since November 2000, a hoodoo of Arsenal vs Spurs proportions. Incidentally, Petr Cech played last night despite his wife giving birth to their first child – who said the [...]

Has a ball ever been struck more sweetly? Perhaps not. Big Al’s greatest goal in a black-and-white shirt (and there are a few to choose from). More wonder goals

Not only did G. Neville last 45 minutes for Man Utd’s reserves against Everton last night, before being replaced at half-time, but he also scored a goal! Most un-Neville like behaviour, although it wasn’t exactly a wonder goal by all accounts, involving at least two deflections. Still, it is good to see the miserable old [...]

John Obi Mikel is sent off by referee Peter Walton after a wild, studs-up challenge on Phil Neville during the Carling Cup semi final 1st leg between Chelsea and Everton at Stamford Bridge on January 8, 2008 in London, England. Photo Phil Cole/Getty Images

Everton have named 16-year-old defender Jack Rodwell in their squad to face AZ Alkmaar in the Uefa Cup tonight. The former England under 16s skipper, who can also play in midfield, is tipped to become the next Rio Ferdinand (a backhanded compliment you might say). The youngster is said to be strong, quick and have excellent composure on the ball.

There were some great goals scored at the weekend – Fernando Torres touch of class from the sub’s bench and Ronaldo’s finish from an exquisite Tevez pass come to mind – but we’re suckers for an overhead kick.

As requested, here’s Roo’s wonder goal that announced him to the world. He was just a few days shy of his 17th birthday at the time – scary. I didn’t think Clive Tyldesley’s voice could go any higher, but it goes off the scale here, like some parodic, Spitting Image version of himself.