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Horror Hair

Horror Hair: Every so often a hairstyle comes along that is worthy of note and/or scorn. Mostly scorn. This way for a comprehensive run-down of the most baffling follicular arrangements ever attempted by professional footballers.

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These pictures show Paul Scholes and David Beckham in (left to right) 1998, 2000, 2002, 2004, 2006 and 2008. While Becks changes his hair as often as he changes his designer socks, modest professional Paul Scholes has stuck with the same combed forward ginger hair for the past decade (and probably longer than that). Unless… wait a cotton pickin’ minute – is that an application of hair gel on Mr Scholes’ 2006 photograph? That flash so and so…

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Colorado Rapids goalkeeper Justin Hughes has truly terrible hair. He looks like a poodle in a headband. Looking at Hughes’ curly barnet for too long might also make you want to start humming the theme tune to Jonathan Creek!

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Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor has been branded Samson by The Sun because he has lost his goalscoring powers since having his haircut. The Togolese forward ditched his trademark beaded hairstyle last month and has not scored a Premier League goal.

Horror Hair – Glen Johnson

March 11th, 2008
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The Horror Hair afro is back, folks! Emmanuel Adebayor was featured on Pies a couple of weeks ago, and now we are showcasing the beautifully burgeoning afro of Portsmouth’s Glen Johnson.

Horror Hair – Emmanuel Adebayor

February 25th, 2008

Maybe the Arsenal strikers glaring headed miss in front of goal against AC Milan convinced him that his hair was the problem. So, it’s out with the Bo Derek style plaits and in with the new mini ‘fro – hair do or hair don’t?
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June 1994 Alexi Lalas shows off a hand-drawn gift received from a fan after the USA’s World Cup victory over Colombia at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. The U.S. won the game 2-1. Photo Mike Powell /Allsport

xavier.JPGQ. Does Abel Xavier’s hair get better with time?
A. No.
LA Galaxy’s other ex-Prem man turned up for pre-season training sporting what appears to be a conehead. There is also something distinctly Tina Turner about this look.

Check out some of the horrific coiffs on Italian journeyman defender Milanese, who played for QPR not so long ago. He prefers a variation on a single theme – and that theme is: ‘my hair is indisputedly shit’. Thanks to Zekky for the heads-up.

Herr Ballack (or should that be Herr Lip) donned this moustache for a Mercedes ad, in which he was cast in the role of intrepid adventurer. Not the first time that Germany’s captain has taken the corporate dollar. Watch the making of the Mercedes ad after the click…

Clash of the white afros alert! You just don’t see players with this much hair today, which is a shame – Rio Ferdinand sported the look in pre-season a couple of years ago, but he didn’t have the balls to keep it for the real season. Breitner (he’s the one with the scary wolfman beard) […]

Horror Hair: Jermain Defoe

January 10th, 2008

Jermain Defoe played in Tottenham’s Carling Cup semi-final against Arsenal last night sporting some kind of cranial G-string. Pies is not sure what is more shocking, the haircut or the fact that Defoe played a game. Dressing up as the planet Saturn is one way of attracting the attention of other clubs during the transfer window, I suppose.
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Back in July we alerted you to the Latin American mullet of FC Dallas’s Juan Carlos Toja. The Colombian’s hair – his tribute to Doors singer Jim Morrison – is so popular with his team-mates that they all want to copy him. That is why the players made sure they had a Toja wig on hand while recording their player introductions for ESPN2!

This American youngster has been banned from playing for his high school football team for getting a mohawk haircut (and not a very good one). Apparently the soccer field is not the place for individuality.

Marvel at the versatility of David’s tresses. Via The Offside

Horror Hair: Alan Smith

December 3rd, 2007

What’s all this about then? It was one thing for Big Sam Allardyce to insist on playing a striker in midfield, but now he appears to have taken to playing a porcupine in midfield. Alan Smith has rekindled his love affair with peroxide. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough left in his last bottle to do a full head of hair.

horror%20hair%20veloso.JPGSporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso was one player especially hoping to catch Sir Alex Ferguson’s eye when he played against Manchester United last night, and he certainly picked a haircut to do just that. The 21-year-old holding player is reportedly a target for Fergie who wants to add him to the Old Trafford Portuguese contingent before next season.

Copa%20Classic%20Hair%20t-shirt.JPGPies’ love of Horror Hair is well-documented, so what better for Santa to bring us than this cool t-shirt dedicated to some of the beautiful game’s most infamous barnets.

Horror Hair: Ronaldo

November 20th, 2007

77979972.jpgI though that Ronaldo was bald by default rather than choice, but that was before dude grew a ‘fro. It seems that the rotund one has hit the bottle and resorted to hair regrowth products.

We first noticed something different about Gallas’ bonce last week but couldn’t be sure. It’s not even conclusive in this picture but we think that the Frenchman has gone all punk with a mohican – is he trying to act the trendy dad to Arsenal’s young stars?
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Two sets of ginger locks blowing in the breeze. Two pairs of ginger eyebrows and puffy eyes beneath them. One is Irish, the other is German. One plays in the red-and-white of Sunderland, the other played surrounded by the red-and-white of strawberries and cream!
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Horror Hair: Gavin McCann

November 12th, 2007

76772182.jpgBolton midfielder Gavin McCann favours the balding badger look these days, so much so that he only just made it into the Horror Hair category and was almost a Shit Lookalike for Pepe Le Pew! He has always had a receding hairline, but it has now receded so far that it is practically in-growing. Against Middlesbrough yesterday, McCann was shamed into covering his hair in a bandage (OK, the clash of heads might have influenced his decision slightly).

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A slight variation on our usual Horror hair theme but Dean Leacock’s ghetto fabulous attempt makes him look more like a boy ‘in a hood’ – we only hope that what’s underneath is even worse.

Spurs self-styled ‘Ghetto Kid’ made his debut at the weekend but had a bit of a stinker – not least for his Pepe Le Pew haircut.
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Horror Hair: Pape Diakhate

October 24th, 2007

The Dynamo Kiev defender has obviously attended the Didier Drogba school of style – step away from the straighteners!
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