Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Manchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

The big kick-off is nigh and we don’t have a thing to wear. Well, we do now. This is part one of a bumper Kit Parade Special from Pies.
Arsenal
This looks a little familiar… wait a cotton picking minute! Yes, Arsenal have retained last season’s home kit for a further season. It makes my job a bit harder because you have all seen it before, but I’d be delighted if I was a Gooner. Comiserations to the parents of young Arsenal fans who will have to think a bit harder about birthday presents this year! Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

‘I never think about yesterday,’ says Thierry. That will please Arsenal fans no end.

[Via The Beautiful Game]

Apparently Chelsea’s new fluorescent away kit is supposed to give them some sort of edge on the pitch, although Pies would have to question the logic of having Jose Mourinho’s tactics printed on the kit for opposition managers and players to see.

Pies celebrates to truly appalling kits from the Premiership years.
1 Nottingham Forest’s yellow and black away kit

The Daily Record reports today that Barcelona star Ronaldinho was presented with a kilt beach towel during the recent tour of Scotland. The ‘bemused’ Brazilian received the gift from a Scottish fan. The Instakilt is apparently a way for Scots to assert their national identity while holidaying in sunnier climes.

TShirts365 celebrate Tony Soprano-alike Tottenham manager Martin Jol with this gangster-themed effort. Capiche? Menacing Martin sits atop his pistol in this spoof of the Channel 4 drama series The Sopranos. Click here to buy the t-shirt for £14.99.

One thing Pies loves about RetroFootballTshirts’ range is that you will often come across a shirt in honour of a player who doesn’t tend to cross your mind very often. And you can’t beat a bit of nostalgia! One such player is Dan Petrescu.

I always, without fail, used to sign Olisadebe for my Master League team. In his PES prime (he was very good in PES2 and PES3, as I recall), the Polish striker (via Nigeria) was terrifyingly quick, skillful, cheap to buy and deadly in front of goal. He was my own cult hero and I used to decimate opposing defences with him. Ah, happy days.

FC United – the Manchester United breakaway club founded after the Glazer takeover – have unveiled their kit for the new season. This retro number does resemble the current Wales strip ever so slightly but with a collar over the v-neck. The shirt was designed by a fan as part of a competition organised by the club and doesn’t feature a sponsor, which probably reminds FCUM fans why they are supporting the club in the first place.

Fans of Pro Evo, you may appreciate this Kahn own goal, found on YouTube… or you may not. I always find it amusing when a keeper does something maverick (unless it’s my keeper) like this. That Kahn, he’s a loose cannon…

Konami has announced it has secured the services of Michael Owen, who will now appear on the packaging of Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 (I am, although as an Xbox owner I was very, very disappointed with the latest Pro Evo; hopefully the new one will be a lot better).

The Champions League: the greatest stage for elite players or a haven for overpaid wimps who wouldn’t know real football if it nutmegged them? If your opinion is the latter, this could be the t-shirt for you. This Champions League Is Gay from Stolli Clothing is as bold, brash and in-your-face as a Uefa official. It will set you back £11.99, but then you should have the money to spare if you are not flitting all over Europe to watch your club in the Champions League!

Arsenal’s new third kit, a stripey affair (in ‘redcurrant and obsidian’, or, for plain-speaking folk, ‘dark red and blue-black’), that puts me in mind of the classic Barcelona kit, is launched on August 9th, although you can pre-order it now from Arsenal’s online shop.

Calm down, calm down. TShirts365 have come up with this offering which is guaranteed to look good under even the most flammable of polyester shell-suits. In Spain the Kid is called El Nino, but on Merseyside he’s just La’ like everyone else! The Rafa-lution is a hotbed for t-shirt designs it seems!

Now you can piss and score a ‘goal’ at the same time, thanks to this ‘football urinal sieve’. The ball even changes colour if you hit the target. Nice touch. According to the website that markets this wonderful invention, Klokicker (for that is it’s name) ‘will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan’. Whatever that means.

Yes, it’s not some elaborate wind-up, David Beckham really is going to Los Angeles to play for one of MLS’s weakest teams. Yay! And here’s a pic of him in the Galaxy’s new home kit, which looks not unlike the kit he wore for several seasons in Madrid. Not too late to back out though Dave…

This raunchy t-shirt from Goalhanger leaves Arsenal fans in doubt as to who is the man behind their sexy football. Apparently Cesc ‘Haribo Kid’ Fabregas is equipped to provide A Gourmet Guide To Midfielding. The t-shirt cost £16 and you can buy it by clicking here.

Yes, it’s an advert for Nike iD, but Ronnie seems genuinely happy to have designed his own sneaks. In cream and orange though dude? Seriously. And stop it with the hairband already.

Continuing on a games theme, check out Scotland’s famous victory against the world champions in 1967, recreated here via the medium of Subbuteo…

This guy – I assume it’s a guy – has way too much time on his hands. But he would kick my ass at foosball…

Oh, say can you see this star-spangled away kit sported by the USA national team in 1994. It is one of many gems to be found on the excellent ClassicFootballShirts site.

This is the sequel to the eminently playable Mario Smash Football on the Nintendo GameCube and it will be one of the first ever Wii games to be fully playable online. Mario and co take to the pitch for some frantic five-a-side action, with loads of special moves galore and Mario Kart-style power-ups. For example, each captain has his or her own set of skills and super abilities, as well as the ability to perform special shots called Mega Strikes, where the iron ball splits into five balls and flies at the goal. The defending player must use the Wii Remote to target and aim at and shoot these balls out of the air before conceding a goal.

Summer is here (allegedly) and that often means football fans reaching for their Brazil shirt and heading for the nearest beach for a kickabout. Unless you’re very lucky, the beach in question is unlikely to be the Copacabana and the shirt needn’t be the Brazilian national team jersey.