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Who ate all the pies

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Top 10s & lists

Top 10s: Everybody loves a list. Footballing conclusions, opinions, ratings and run-downs all presented in a handy numerical ordering system.

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Pies analyses possible reasons why Arsenal captain William Gallas chose to hold a sit down protest in the centre circle after the draw with Birmingham at the weekend.
1 Laziness
It could just be that he was worn out after the match
2 World peace
An old favourite. Lennon may play for Spurs, but Willie Gallas can still do his bit.
3 Campaign for comfier football pitches
Gallas raises awareness that Premier League football pitches are not very comfortable to sit on. Maybe more players would enjoy a nice sit down at full-time if the pitches were more cushioned.

With Eduardo now beginning his long road to recovery from the broken leg he sustained against Birmingham at the weekend, Pies gives you 10 of the nastiest broken legs to have been seen on the football field (or at least to have been seen on YouTube!).

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HEROES
Juande Ramos Few Spurs fans were expecting silverware when the Spaniard took the reigns from Martin Jol.

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1 Losing to a Championship side is the perfect way to get your team prepared to play one of the best team’s in Europe.
2 Although it does help if they play most of the match with 10 men. Marco Materazzi’s first yellow was perhaps a little harsh but having picked it up he cannot complain about his second.
3 The referee hadn’t really intended to send Materazzi off. His body language as it dawned on him that this was Matrix’s second bookable offence was hilarious. “Oops, I already

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Pies puts out a team of Premier League pension dodgers. Old heads might come in handy in the dressing room, but this lot have a combined age of 392!
Jens Lehmann (Arsenal, aged 38)
The Gunners old timer spends lots of his time sitting on benches and loves nothing better than a good moan.

Welcome to Who Ate All the Pies’ list of the best 20 teenage footballers in the world. You will have heard of some of them, but watch out for all these kids – they have the world at their feet…
20. Sadick Adams
Nationality: Ghanaian, Club: Atletico Madrid, Age: 18


Ghana is now producing some of the finest football talent in the world, and Sadick Adams is one of its most exciting Black Starlets. He was snapped up by Atletico Madrid after his impressive showing for Ghana at the Fifa U17 World Cup last year, when he scored four goals in the tournament, including one against Spain in their semi final. He’s a striker blessed with explosive pace and remarkable athleticism, although his lack of height (he’s 5ft 6in) may put off the biggest clubs.
The rest of the list after the click…

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Frank Lampard scored his 100th goal for Chelsea during their FA Cup win over Huddersfield. First and foremost, that vest must be minging because his 99th goal came back in December. Secondly, who was Frank making the dedication to?

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HEROES
Brian Howard The Barnsley skipper’s late winner gave his side a shock 1-2 win against Liverpool at Anfield (in case you hadn’t heard).

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While we’re still debating over whether to use technology as simple as goal line cameras, there could be far more revolutionary changes to the game in the next ten or twenty years according to The Orange Future of Football Report.

Pies finds alternative careers for the Premier League’s gaffers.
Arsene Wenger – Paediatrician
Studious, unflappable and doesn’t mind working with youngsters.
Martin O’Neill – Film director
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Alex McLeish – Airport taxi driver
Has already dropped from international to Birmingham City once.

1. Fergie chewed gum throughout the minute’s silence. Classy guy. 2. Man Utd’s sponsorless kit looked really great – made me yearn for the days when all kits were that simple. 3. For all their talents, Man Utd are sorely lacking a) an incisive striker, and b) a decent right-back to replace Gary Neville. With […]

utd%20fans.JPGWith the news that some Premier League matches could be played abroad from 2011, Pies finds suitable home venues for the 20 current incumbents.
Arsenal – Paris

For years people have been saying that Arsene Wenger has been running a French Embassy at the Gunners so why not pitch up at the Stade de France?
Aston Villa – Rome
Tom Hanks: “What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?”
Birmingham – Memphis
Home of the Blues

1. The England Supporters Band. The first time I heard them play ‘The Great Escape’, it was mildly amusing – with the emphasis on ‘mildly’. Now it’s one of the most annoying things in the world. It’s the football equivalent of morris dancing, or real-ale pubs – tragically uncool and tin-pot and embarrassing. Please get […]

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1 England again have a ‘DB’ wearing number 7 who could make the shirt his own for years.
2 This was in many ways the perfect result. It was a victory, a decent performance, but nothing too flashy. Certainly no 5-0 win to get overexcited about.
3 The England players wanted to impress. There weren’t too many egos going through the motions at Wembley last night. Don Fabio wouldn’t stand for it.

Pies compiles a team of players who are Shit Lookalikes of the FA Cup.
1 Richard Wright
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That is one way for a keeper to make sure he can reach the top corner.

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

Earlier, I posted the 10 best signings in the Jan. transfer window. Here are the 10 worst… 1. Jari Litmanen (to Fulham) What is ‘Woy’ Hodgson on? Litmanen is almost 37, without a club (until now), and I strongly doubt if he’s ready for a full-on relegation scrap. He may give Fulham fans 10 minutes […]

Here’s how I see the best bits of business conducted in the January transfer window…
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1. Jermain Defoe (Spurs to Portsmouth) Did Spurs sell the wrong striker? I think they should have kept Defoe and ditched Darren Bent, but Juande Ramos is a successful football manager, and I am not, so I’ll trust him on this one. Defoe is a terrific addition to a deceptively strong Pompey squad.
2. Alan Hutton (Rangers to Spurs) Some Scottish grit is just what Tottenham’s defence needed. Hutton offers that, and more – he has been compared with Cafu, Brazil’s Duracell bunny, and loves to bomb forward. At 23 he can only get better.
3. Nicolas Anelka (Bolton to Chelsea) I wasn’t sure how Anelka would find life at Stamford Bridge – does he play his best surrounded by stars or journeymen? – but he looks happy there, so far anyway. There’s no doubting Anelka’s class. Defenders will not look forward to the prospect of facing an Anelka/Drogba strike force.
4. Manucho (Petro Luanda to Man Utd) Based on his dynamic performances for Angola at the Africa Cup of Nations, Fergie (or his scouts) has unearthed another star of the future. Manucho is a tall, rangy striker with enough skill to play out wide. He’s being shipped out to Panathinaikos for the rest of the season to gain experience. One to watch.

I have to agree with Ronaldo that his free-kick against Pompey last night is the best goal he’s ever scored (watch it here). It’s rare to see a ball struck so viciously, so accurately and so purely. Here’s a video compilation of 10 of his best goals. None of them is as good as the […]

Master Ronaldo isn’t the only one with magic in his boots… 1. Roberto Carlos, Brazil vs France Still the greatest free-kick I’ve ever seen, even if it was a glorious fluke.

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Pies gives you the lowdown on XI players with a good engine.

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With the news that Manchester City players were the victims of a dressing room theft during their FA Cup defeat to Sheffield United, Pies looks at XI other footballers who have been the victims of crime.

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HEROES
Richard Pacquette The Havant & Waterlooville striker became the first school caretaker to open the scoring at Anfield for a while.

The XI – Get a proper job

January 25th, 2008

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Pies puts together a team of players who sound like they could be implementing their income with a spot of moonlighting.