1 English side dominates against international opposition before losing on penalties. In the words of Morrissey: “Stop me if you think that you’ve. Heard this one before.” I have been talking Phil Jagielka up for an England call-up and it looks like his penalty-taking is already at the required level.
There has been no better time to be a Football League player given the number of Championship clubs through to the FA Cup semi-finals. Here is Pies run down on XI of the best players outside the Premier League.
Chelseaâ€™s John Terry and assistant coach, Henk Ten Cate, are said to have had been involved in a bout of training ground fisticuffs before the Carling Cup Final, which any pundit will no doubt tell you, â€œhappens all the time at every club in the countryâ€.
You’d think that they would save their agression for the opposition but here is our list of top ten fights between team mates from the training ground to the pitch.
With The Sun reporting that Wayne Rooney is ditching his guitar to take up the drums because he is finding the guitar too difficult, here are 10 songs we reckon Wazza should master before flogging his instrument. 1 Stick In The Middle With Roo
The abortive 2006 World Cup song in his honour. 2 Bohemian Rhapsody
The unofficial soundtrack to Wayne’s World. 3 All Together Now
Everton’s 1995 FA Cup final song.
Pies analyses possible reasons why Arsenal captain William Gallas chose to hold a sit down protest in the centre circle after the draw with Birmingham at the weekend. 1 Laziness
It could just be that he was worn out after the match 2 World peace
An old favourite. Lennon may play for Spurs, but Willie Gallas can still do his bit. 3 Campaign for comfier football pitches
Gallas raises awareness that Premier League football pitches are not very comfortable to sit on. Maybe more players would enjoy a nice sit down at full-time if the pitches were more cushioned.
With Eduardo now beginning his long road to recovery from the broken leg he sustained against Birmingham at the weekend, Pies gives you 10 of the nastiest broken legs to have been seen on the football field (or at least to have been seen on YouTube!).
1 Losing to a Championship side is the perfect way to get your team prepared to play one of the best team’s in Europe.
2 Although it does help if they play most of the match with 10 men. Marco Materazzi’s first yellow was perhaps a little harsh but having picked it up he cannot complain about his second.
3 The referee hadn’t really intended to send Materazzi off. His body language as it dawned on him that this was Matrix’s second bookable offence was hilarious. “Oops, I already
Pies puts out a team of Premier League pension dodgers. Old heads might come in handy in the dressing room, but this lot have a combined age of 392! Jens Lehmann (Arsenal, aged 38)
The Gunners old timer spends lots of his time sitting on benches and loves nothing better than a good moan.
Welcome to Who Ate All the Pies’ list of the best 20 teenage footballers in the world. You will have heard of some of them, but watch out for all these kids â€“ they have the world at their feetâ€¦ 20. Sadick Adams
Nationality: Ghanaian, Club: Atletico Madrid, Age: 18
Ghana is now producing some of the finest football talent in the world, and Sadick Adams is one of its most exciting Black Starlets. He was snapped up by Atletico Madrid after his impressive showing for Ghana at the Fifa U17 World Cup last year, when he scored four goals in the tournament, including one against Spain in their semi final. He’s a striker blessed with explosive pace and remarkable athleticism, although his lack of height (he’s 5ft 6in) may put off the biggest clubs.
The rest of the list after the clickâ€¦
Frank Lampard scored his 100th goal for Chelsea during their FA Cup win over Huddersfield. First and foremost, that vest must be minging because his 99th goal came back in December. Secondly, who was Frank making the dedication to?
While weâ€™re still debating over whether to use technology as simple as goal line cameras, there could be far more revolutionary changes to the game in the next ten or twenty years according to The Orange Future of Football Report.
Pies finds alternative careers for the Premier League’s gaffers. Arsene Wenger – Paediatrician
Studious, unflappable and doesn’t mind working with youngsters. Martin O’Neill – Film director Alex McLeish – Airport taxi driver
Has already dropped from international to Birmingham City once.
1. Fergie chewed gum throughout the minute’s silence. Classy guy. 2. Man Utd’s sponsorless kit looked really great – made me yearn for the days when all kits were that simple. 3. For all their talents, Man Utd are sorely lacking a) an incisive striker, and b) a decent right-back to replace Gary Neville. With […]
With the news that some Premier League matches could be played abroad from 2011, Pies finds suitable home venues for the 20 current incumbents.
Arsenal – Paris
For years people have been saying that Arsene Wenger has been running a French Embassy at the Gunners so why not pitch up at the Stade de France? Aston Villa – Rome
Tom Hanks: “What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?” Birmingham – Memphis
Home of the Blues
1. The England Supporters Band. The first time I heard them play ‘The Great Escape’, it was mildly amusing – with the emphasis on ‘mildly’. Now it’s one of the most annoying things in the world. It’s the football equivalent of morris dancing, or real-ale pubs – tragically uncool and tin-pot and embarrassing. Please get […]
1 England again have a ‘DB’ wearing number 7 who could make the shirt his own for years.
2 This was in many ways the perfect result. It was a victory, a decent performance, but nothing too flashy. Certainly no 5-0 win to get overexcited about.
3 The England players wanted to impress. There weren’t too many egos going through the motions at Wembley last night. Don Fabio wouldn’t stand for it.
Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.