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Who ate all the pies

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Top 10s & lists

Top 10s: Everybody loves a list. Footballing conclusions, opinions, ratings and run-downs all presented in a handy numerical ordering system.

Here’s how I see the best bits of business conducted in the January transfer window…
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1. Jermain Defoe (Spurs to Portsmouth) Did Spurs sell the wrong striker? I think they should have kept Defoe and ditched Darren Bent, but Juande Ramos is a successful football manager, and I am not, so I’ll trust him on this one. Defoe is a terrific addition to a deceptively strong Pompey squad.
2. Alan Hutton (Rangers to Spurs) Some Scottish grit is just what Tottenham’s defence needed. Hutton offers that, and more – he has been compared with Cafu, Brazil’s Duracell bunny, and loves to bomb forward. At 23 he can only get better.
3. Nicolas Anelka (Bolton to Chelsea) I wasn’t sure how Anelka would find life at Stamford Bridge – does he play his best surrounded by stars or journeymen? – but he looks happy there, so far anyway. There’s no doubting Anelka’s class. Defenders will not look forward to the prospect of facing an Anelka/Drogba strike force.
4. Manucho (Petro Luanda to Man Utd) Based on his dynamic performances for Angola at the Africa Cup of Nations, Fergie (or his scouts) has unearthed another star of the future. Manucho is a tall, rangy striker with enough skill to play out wide. He’s being shipped out to Panathinaikos for the rest of the season to gain experience. One to watch.

I have to agree with Ronaldo that his free-kick against Pompey last night is the best goal he’s ever scored (watch it here). It’s rare to see a ball struck so viciously, so accurately and so purely. Here’s a video compilation of 10 of his best goals. None of them is as good as the […]

Master Ronaldo isn’t the only one with magic in his boots… 1. Roberto Carlos, Brazil vs France Still the greatest free-kick I’ve ever seen, even if it was a glorious fluke.

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Pies gives you the lowdown on XI players with a good engine.

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With the news that Manchester City players were the victims of a dressing room theft during their FA Cup defeat to Sheffield United, Pies looks at XI other footballers who have been the victims of crime.

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HEROES
Richard Pacquette The Havant & Waterlooville striker became the first school caretaker to open the scoring at Anfield for a while.

The XI – Get a proper job

January 25th, 2008

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Pies puts together a team of players who sound like they could be implementing their income with a spot of moonlighting.

1. Germany can’t win it. 2. Argentina can’t win it. 3. Italy can’t win it. 4. Players feel free to shoot from everywhere on the pitch, probably because the standard of goalkeeping is slightly below that seen in the Women’s World Cup. 5. Moaning prats like Emmanuel Eboue, Didier Drogba and Obi-Wan Mikel have to […]

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HEROES
Emmanuel Adebayor The Arsenal man was in sparkling form as he grabbed a brace to help defeat Fulham.

These are players that I think Newcastle & Keegan have a realistic chance of signing and who would improve the NUFC squad – rather than cloud-cuckooland signings like Kaka or Lionel Messi, which, let’s be honest, aren’t going to happen.
400x400_MichaelCarrickNew.jpg1. Michael Carrick (Man Utd)
Carrick was born in the north-east and I imagine he would be warmly welcomed by Newcastle fans. He is also talented enough to be the midfield conductor of King Kev’s new, attack-minded team. Carrick hasn’t been an unqualified success at Old Trafford, and could leave for the right price. He and Newcastle would make a good fit.

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The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

We all know about Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto’o and Michael Essien, but there are more than three players worth watching at the Africa Cup of Nations, which starts on 20th January. Courtesy of the good people from World Cup Blog (who’ll be covering the tournament in depth), here’s a quick run-down of 10 players worth […]

79005504.jpg1. Have you ever seen Glenn Roeder smile? I mean really, really smile? The sort of sincere smile where your eyes go all twinkly. I can’t remember it ever happening. Not that Glenn had much to smile about, after his Norwich City side were knocked out by Bury last night, but still. Even thinking about him depresses me :(
2. 500 games in a Liverpool shirt for Jamie Carragher – whatever you think of Mad Dog Carra, that’s some achievement for the ultimate one-club man.

The ‘can I go back now?’ XI

January 16th, 2008

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Pies puts together a team of players who must be wishing they had stayed at their former club rather than seeking out pastures new.

I meant to put this team up when we were 19 games (i.e. exactly halfway through the season) into the Prem campaign. Still, better slightly late than never… here, for you to peruse/violently disagree with, is Pies’ Premier League team of the season, at the halfway stage (it will be interesting to see how much […]

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HEROES
Kieran Richardson The ex-Man Utd whinger winger put in a classy display and scored a brace to earn Sunderland a priceless three points against Portsmouth.

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HEROES
Michael Mifsud The Coventry striker led the Sky Blues to an incredible 1-4 victory at Blackburn with two goals.

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A team of giantkilling heroes to inspire the minnows in this weekend’s FA Cup third-round ties.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Pies sends to you eleven Gazza’s piping…
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On the ninth day of Christmas, Pies sends to you nine Tevez’s dancing…

HAPPY NEW YEAR, PIES FANS!
On the eighth day of Christmas, Pies sends to you eight Bruce Grobbelaar’s a-milking…
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On the seventh day of Christmas, Pies sends to you seven Svens a-swimming…

On the sixth day of Christmas, Pies sends to you six geezers playing…
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[Harry Redknapp, Terry Venables, Joe Cole, Paul Merson, John Terry and Vinnie Jones]

On the fifth day of Christmas, Pies sends to you five old wings… [Garrincha, Stanley Matthews, Tom Finney, George Best and Jimmy Johnstone]