The gang at 101Greatgoals has tracked down footage of some of the greatest spankings in the history of the Champions League. Viva Youtube! 1 Juventus 7-0 Olympiakos (10 December, 2003) David Trezeguet bags a brace as Juve thrash the helpless Greeks.

1 Manchester United v Roma and Valencia v Chelsea: two excellent matches in very different ways. I decided to watch Manchester United first half and Chelsea second half – a good call I reckon! 2 United were absolutely unstoppable. The pace and verve of their attacking play was out of this world. Cristiano Ronaldo was [...]

Just think how much less interesting the Premiership would be without Jose. 1 ‘Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’ The quote that started it all, uttered not long after Mourinho had arrived at Chelsea, in 2004. 2 ‘If I wanted to have an easy job… [...]

1 Alan Mahon, Watford v Portsmouth Hit with his weaker left foot. Hate to see what he could do with his good foot. Unstoppable.

Reigning champs Houston Dynamo couldn’t score against Becks’ LA Galaxy on opening weekend of the new MLS season. But neither could the Galaxy, so honours even for two of the league’s bigger names. Elsewhere, new boys Toronto flopped, suffering a 2-0 defeat at the hands of CD Chivas, while Chicago Fire downed New England Revolution [...]

1 There are few sights in football as beautiful as a confident Peter Crouch doing his thing. It’s like watching an excitable baby giraffe taking its first steps. 2 Nicely bobbling ball, 25 yards out: John Arne Riise is the man you want! 3 We stuck our necks out after the last round and said [...]

Forbes has just released its list of the top ten best-paid footballers in the world. The list runs as follows: 1 Ronaldinho (Barcelona) Total earning: £16m The toothy Brazilian has overtaken David Beckham as football’s top earner. 2 David Beckham (Real Madrid) Total earning: £15.8m It’s been a long time since Becks occupied anything other [...]

The always-excellent Kickette alerts us to the fact that Frank Lampard has his own blog, sponsored by Orange. It’s generally very bland but it does occasionally reveal some mildly interesting stuff about the World’s Second-best Player. Here are the top five pearls of wisdom from the pen of Super Frank (who incidentally is fit to [...]

Here’s the second part of our Ten Greatest Football Books list. You can read part one here. My Father and Other Working-class Football Heroes, by Gary ImlachLike Nick Hornby’s Fever Pitch, My Father… is more of a memoir than a straight football book. Imlach, whose face you may know from his time presenting TV coverage [...]

1 He is not Steve McClaren.2 Even after a dull 0-0 bore draw with Israel, Ollie would still entertain us with his post-match interview. Whereas McClaren… 3 Ian Holloway could motivate a stone (although whether this is a big a feat as motivating a bunch of overpaid egotists is up for debate!)4 Ollie is happily [...]

Why waste your money on dull, cliché-ridden, ghost-written autobiographies by the likes of Fat Frank & Stevie G, when you could invest in a proper football book. Like this brilliant lot (in no particular order): Fever Pitch, by Nick HornbyI’m no Arsenal fan, but I still remember the first time I read Hornby’s brilliant and [...]

Not a vintage weekend for Prem goals. Here are the five best… 1 Wayne Rooney, Man Utd v Bolton WanderersWonderful interplay between Messrs Ronaldo & Rooney, with a cheeky finish to boot. ManUtd_Bolton_2-0_768K_StreamUploaded by zamalektv

Some players have faces that are crying out to be hit with a fierce jab-cross-uppercut combination, rather than the usual girly slaps dished out on the pitch. Here is our list of Premiership players who we’d like to slap down. 1 El-Hadji Diouf Bolton’s spitting striker is truly the king of slappable (is that even [...]

1 Ugo Ehiogu, Celtic v RangersIs that really Ugo Ehiogu? If so, where did he find the skill to manage this finish? Most out of character.

1 Dimitar Berbatov, West Ham v SpursA lovely, lovely free-kick from one of the Prem’s most stylish forwards. Even Paul ‘Kryten’ Konchesky couldn’t use his massive Skeletor head to keep it out of the net.

This compilation selects some of the best goals from around the world from January. Any favourites, Pies fans? [Via 101Greatgoals, Rob Parker]

1 I should have switched the TV off after the first three minutes. England’s exciting attacking play stopped shortly after this. 2 The new England kit really is awful.3 Peter Crouch cannot play up front by himself. He was impressive in holding the ball up but England’s attacks were too slow and predictable as a [...]

As Graeme Souness bids to buy Wolverhampton Wanderers, Pies celebrates some of English football’s more unusual and colourful owners.

The poor sound quality on this video from Baddiel and Skinner‘s Fantasy Football is worth putting up with to see some excellent funny football moments, including a goalkeeper’s goal to put even Rogerio Ceni to shame. [Rob Parker]

The beauty of Who Ate All The Pies compared to straight football news websites is that we can post a picture like the one below with no sign of an accompanying story purely because it’s funny! So while we will always keep you updated with our slant on all the latest football news, you can [...]

1 When you are as good as Wayne Rooney, you don’t just lose the ability to score goals overnight.2 Sometimes a couple of underrated Englishmen are better than two superstar Argentinians. Step forward Teddy Sheringham and Hayden Mullins.3 Sticking nine men in your penalty area and defending for dear life can be an effective method [...]

After a bit of a mix-up yesterday, Pies’ 100 Greatest Premiership Players is firmly back on course. Today we bring you Nos. 60-51, which means we’re exactly halfway through our countdown. If you haven’t yet checked them out, here’s the list so far: 100-91, 90-81, 80-71, 70-61.

Another day, another ten Premiership greats for you to investigate. Thirty down (check out Nos 100-91, 90-81 & 80-71), 70 to go. Still no sign of the great Brian Deane though… Titus Bramble and Jean-Alain Boumsong, if you’re reading this, we can put you out of your misery now – you’ve not made the cut. [...]

Thanks to a small clerical error, yesterday we published Nos. 70-61, rather than 80-71. So today we’re publishing the real 80-71. Yesterday’s post has been amended, so now you can check out the real 70-61. In other words, the ten players we listed yesterday are slightly greater than the ten we’re about to list below. [...]

We are not ones for scaremongering here at Pies. Oh wait, yes we are. Click the link below to find out which clubs’ fans should be very, very afraid of what the not-too-distant future may hold.