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Who ate all the pies

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Top 10s & lists

Top 10s: Everybody loves a list. Footballing conclusions, opinions, ratings and run-downs all presented in a handy numerical ordering system.

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While we’re still debating over whether to use technology as simple as goal line cameras, there could be far more revolutionary changes to the game in the next ten or twenty years according to The Orange Future of Football Report.

Pies finds alternative careers for the Premier League’s gaffers.
Arsene Wenger – Paediatrician
Studious, unflappable and doesn’t mind working with youngsters.
Martin O’Neill – Film director
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Alex McLeish – Airport taxi driver
Has already dropped from international to Birmingham City once.

1. Fergie chewed gum throughout the minute’s silence. Classy guy. 2. Man Utd’s sponsorless kit looked really great – made me yearn for the days when all kits were that simple. 3. For all their talents, Man Utd are sorely lacking a) an incisive striker, and b) a decent right-back to replace Gary Neville. With […]

utd%20fans.JPGWith the news that some Premier League matches could be played abroad from 2011, Pies finds suitable home venues for the 20 current incumbents.
Arsenal – Paris

For years people have been saying that Arsene Wenger has been running a French Embassy at the Gunners so why not pitch up at the Stade de France?
Aston Villa – Rome
Tom Hanks: “What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?”
Birmingham – Memphis
Home of the Blues

1. The England Supporters Band. The first time I heard them play ‘The Great Escape’, it was mildly amusing – with the emphasis on ‘mildly’. Now it’s one of the most annoying things in the world. It’s the football equivalent of morris dancing, or real-ale pubs – tragically uncool and tin-pot and embarrassing. Please get […]

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1 England again have a ‘DB’ wearing number 7 who could make the shirt his own for years.
2 This was in many ways the perfect result. It was a victory, a decent performance, but nothing too flashy. Certainly no 5-0 win to get overexcited about.
3 The England players wanted to impress. There weren’t too many egos going through the motions at Wembley last night. Don Fabio wouldn’t stand for it.

Pies compiles a team of players who are Shit Lookalikes of the FA Cup.
1 Richard Wright
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That is one way for a keeper to make sure he can reach the top corner.

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

Earlier, I posted the 10 best signings in the Jan. transfer window. Here are the 10 worst… 1. Jari Litmanen (to Fulham) What is ‘Woy’ Hodgson on? Litmanen is almost 37, without a club (until now), and I strongly doubt if he’s ready for a full-on relegation scrap. He may give Fulham fans 10 minutes […]

Here’s how I see the best bits of business conducted in the January transfer window…
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1. Jermain Defoe (Spurs to Portsmouth) Did Spurs sell the wrong striker? I think they should have kept Defoe and ditched Darren Bent, but Juande Ramos is a successful football manager, and I am not, so I’ll trust him on this one. Defoe is a terrific addition to a deceptively strong Pompey squad.
2. Alan Hutton (Rangers to Spurs) Some Scottish grit is just what Tottenham’s defence needed. Hutton offers that, and more – he has been compared with Cafu, Brazil’s Duracell bunny, and loves to bomb forward. At 23 he can only get better.
3. Nicolas Anelka (Bolton to Chelsea) I wasn’t sure how Anelka would find life at Stamford Bridge – does he play his best surrounded by stars or journeymen? – but he looks happy there, so far anyway. There’s no doubting Anelka’s class. Defenders will not look forward to the prospect of facing an Anelka/Drogba strike force.
4. Manucho (Petro Luanda to Man Utd) Based on his dynamic performances for Angola at the Africa Cup of Nations, Fergie (or his scouts) has unearthed another star of the future. Manucho is a tall, rangy striker with enough skill to play out wide. He’s being shipped out to Panathinaikos for the rest of the season to gain experience. One to watch.

I have to agree with Ronaldo that his free-kick against Pompey last night is the best goal he’s ever scored (watch it here). It’s rare to see a ball struck so viciously, so accurately and so purely. Here’s a video compilation of 10 of his best goals. None of them is as good as the […]

Master Ronaldo isn’t the only one with magic in his boots… 1. Roberto Carlos, Brazil vs France Still the greatest free-kick I’ve ever seen, even if it was a glorious fluke.

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Pies gives you the lowdown on XI players with a good engine.

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With the news that Manchester City players were the victims of a dressing room theft during their FA Cup defeat to Sheffield United, Pies looks at XI other footballers who have been the victims of crime.

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HEROES
Richard Pacquette The Havant & Waterlooville striker became the first school caretaker to open the scoring at Anfield for a while.

The XI – Get a proper job

January 25th, 2008

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Pies puts together a team of players who sound like they could be implementing their income with a spot of moonlighting.

1. Germany can’t win it. 2. Argentina can’t win it. 3. Italy can’t win it. 4. Players feel free to shoot from everywhere on the pitch, probably because the standard of goalkeeping is slightly below that seen in the Women’s World Cup. 5. Moaning prats like Emmanuel Eboue, Didier Drogba and Obi-Wan Mikel have to […]

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HEROES
Emmanuel Adebayor The Arsenal man was in sparkling form as he grabbed a brace to help defeat Fulham.

These are players that I think Newcastle & Keegan have a realistic chance of signing and who would improve the NUFC squad – rather than cloud-cuckooland signings like Kaka or Lionel Messi, which, let’s be honest, aren’t going to happen.
400x400_MichaelCarrickNew.jpg1. Michael Carrick (Man Utd)
Carrick was born in the north-east and I imagine he would be warmly welcomed by Newcastle fans. He is also talented enough to be the midfield conductor of King Kev’s new, attack-minded team. Carrick hasn’t been an unqualified success at Old Trafford, and could leave for the right price. He and Newcastle would make a good fit.

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The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

We all know about Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto’o and Michael Essien, but there are more than three players worth watching at the Africa Cup of Nations, which starts on 20th January. Courtesy of the good people from World Cup Blog (who’ll be covering the tournament in depth), here’s a quick run-down of 10 players worth […]

79005504.jpg1. Have you ever seen Glenn Roeder smile? I mean really, really smile? The sort of sincere smile where your eyes go all twinkly. I can’t remember it ever happening. Not that Glenn had much to smile about, after his Norwich City side were knocked out by Bury last night, but still. Even thinking about him depresses me :(
2. 500 games in a Liverpool shirt for Jamie Carragher – whatever you think of Mad Dog Carra, that’s some achievement for the ultimate one-club man.

The ‘can I go back now?’ XI

January 16th, 2008

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Pies puts together a team of players who must be wishing they had stayed at their former club rather than seeking out pastures new.

I meant to put this team up when we were 19 games (i.e. exactly halfway through the season) into the Prem campaign. Still, better slightly late than never… here, for you to peruse/violently disagree with, is Pies’ Premier League team of the season, at the halfway stage (it will be interesting to see how much […]