Top 10s: Everybody loves a list. Footballing conclusions, opinions, ratings and run-downs all presented in a handy numerical ordering system.
It would have been too easy to go for the entire Romanian 1998 World Cup squad, so here is Pies blond bombshell collective.
He’s daft as a brush but Canizares gets the nod for the Bottle Blond XI. Impressive for Spain and Valencia over the years, Santi went peroxide circa 2002. We’ll put it down to a mid-life crisis.
With a combined cost of around Â£250m, even Romanâ€™s roubles would be stretched to afford this team consisting of the most expensive players (in their position) in the Premier League.
No, we are not advocating FIFA introducing another needless competition with a name like the European Inter-League Champions Toto Mickey Mouse Under 21 Cup, but following the under 21 European Championshups this summer Pies has but together a dream team outfit featuring the pick of the Premier League’s youngsters.
With Leroy Lita resting up after his nasty bed-stretching incident, Pies looks at some equally slapstick injuries that footballers have picked up over the years. Meet the team so unlucky with injuries that they would be tempted to hire Jonathan Woodgate as a fitness coach: it’s the Pies Silly Injuries XI.
This week’s Tuesday 10 celebrates footballers who thought extra time was the outcome of a bad parole hearing. This list comes a bit too soon for Mr Joseph Barton, but he faces a maximum of five years banged up if he is convicted of assaulting former Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo.
1 Chelsea’s reserves have pretty much got their league sewn-up already.
2 Thomas Kuszczak and Ben Foster (when he is fit again) will have their work cut out ousting Edwin van der Sar.
3 Wayne Rooney is back! Was he ever away? Anyway, Fergie has predicted a big season from the England star and he made a promising start as he ran at defenders in a way he didn’t seem confident enough to do at times last season.
1 The annual ‘will this be Liverpool’s year?’ discussions. It never is and this year is no exception.
2 Every pundit predicts that the three promoted teams will go straight back down. It hasn’t happened since 1998.
3 Alan Hansen maxes out his quote of Liverpool players/old boys for his Telegraph fantasy football team.
There’s obviously no way you’ll agree with every selection, but I’d still be interested to hear your thoughts on this XI, comprised of players who I think are playing at a level above themâ€¦
Paul Robinson (Spurs) If Spurs aspire to be a top-four, title-challenging club, they simply must find a better keeper than Robinson. His positioning is frequently awful and he often seems lead-footed. Yes, he makes the odd good save, but so does every keeper in his division.
Should be playing forâ€¦ Any lower-table Prem team. Derby or Fulham, say.
With clubs including Liverpool, Portsmouth and Fulham heading to China to take part in pre-season friendlies, Pies looks at players who have moved in the opposite direction to ply their trade in England and Scotland. It is pretty easy to pick out those who had the ability to make their mark in England and those who had the ability to shift a few replica shirts.
1 Sun Jihai
Arguably the most successful Chinese player to date. He initially played for Crystal Palace in 1998. When he returned to England with Manchester City from Dalian Shide in 2002 he cost Â£2 million. He became the first Chinese Premier League goalscorer when he netted against Everton in October that year. Still with City, he is of course the subject of the stroke of terrace genius: “Singing aye aye yippy Sun Jihai, aye aye Sun Jihai, singing aye aye yippy, his dad owns a chippy, aye aye yippy Sun Jihai.”
Well, instead of playing knock down ginger weâ€™ve put together a list of the top ten ginger footballers who have ignored the taunts and become role models for red heads everywhere:
With Fergie refusing Liverpool’s Â£6.8m bid for Gabriel Heinze and claiming United would ‘never’ sell to their bitterest rivals, we take a look at a few transfers that have taken place between clubs with a history of hatred.
1 In a word, wow.
More goals below…
As you might imagine, since the raids on Newcastle, Rangers and Portsmouth the forums and blogs have been buzzing with jokes at their expense. Here is just a small selection. Feel free to add your own as a comment.
1 Anti-corruption police have raided Newcastle United. Apparently the Magpies have no defence.
Wo-oah, I’m an alien, I’m an illegal alien, I’m an Englishman in New York. Or so sang Sting. Well, Pies has compiled a list of Englishmen, Scotsmen and Welshmen who have been sighted in various locations around the USA. Here are the Brits who made their mark on the MLS before David Beckham had arrived.
There are bound to be a few more twists to this year’s transfer season, especially if someone remembers where they put Carlos Tevez’s ownership papers, but new TV money and the arrival of more glory hunting billionaires means there’s been plenty of action.
Here’s what we think are the ten best deals done so far:
1 Robbie Fowler to Everton
It would certainly interesting to see the childhood Evertonian lining up in a Merseyside derby against the club where he is known as God. Fowler is available on a free transfer, but a drop down to the Championship or a move to Australia or the States seem more likely than a move to Goodison Park.
As spotted on 101GreatGoals. Good to see an Englishman at No.1. Makes us proudâ€¦