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Who ate all the pies

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Liverpool

Liverpool: All the latest Liverpool flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Merseyside Police were called to the Hillsborough memorial garden in Port Sunlight, Liverpool, early this morning to investigate reports of vandalism. They arrived to find paving slabs lifted up and stone balustrades knocked down and smashed. I doubt the “youths” (it’s always youths, isn’t it) who committed this unbelivably crass act will ever be caught, […]

Ooh, that hits the spot Sylvinho’s contract with Barcelona ran out at the end of last month, and the club decided not to re-sign him – so the veteran full-back, 35, is now a free agent. Which means Barca need a new left-sided defender as back up for first-choice LB, Eric Abidal. Sport.es claims that […]

Liverpool fan sizes up his captain This is what all “real” football fans look like, of course. In other words, they look like shit: overweight, bald and with a hint of special needs around the eyes. I guess Adidas were going for the “ordinary bloke in the Kop” look but went a bit too far. […]

The famous Scouse sense of humour Well worth watching for a couple of terrific air-shots, plus the best chant of the season, aimed at Alan Shearer (who takes it in good spirit): “You should have stayed on the telly!”

Great Teacher Onizuka is a famous manga character. He’s great and he’s a teacher. And his name is Eikichi Onizuka. What can I tell you? And he makes a very shit lookalike for Senor Nando Torres. Got any shit lookalikes you’ve seen lately? The shitter, the better. Email Pies with your suggestion. More lookalikes

Cesc is lonely, crying out for Xabi Alonso “Attractive, slim Spanish guy seeks partner for weekend strolls in the park. Must be world-class, have GSOH.” Neither Abou Diaby, Alex Song nor Denilson are good enough - yet, at least - to partner Cesc Fabregas at the heart of Arsenal’s midfield. I’m sure that’s the view of Cesc […]

Ah, gotta love the rivalry between Man Yoo and the Bin-dippers, especially when it comes up with priceless comedy like this… United fans who want to ease the pain of Wednesday’s CL defeat may like to know that they can buy a t-shirt with this design, @ TShirtsUnited

Close, Nando, but no cigar. No silverware either Mystic Torres looks into the future and sees Liverpool winning the Premier League. Not yet, amigo.

Liverpool fan sells unique commemorative shirt I’ll let the seller pitch you this opportunity to own a piece of history… “THIS IS LIVERPOOL FC UNIQUE EMBROIDED AWAY SHIRT SHIRT,THIS BEAUTIFUL SHIRT HAS BEEN EMBROIDED PROFESSIONALLY AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PICTURES ,IT HAS THE MATCH DETAILS AND RESULT FROM THE MANCHESTER MASSACARE ,THE DAY […]

Phone-in host at centre of new Hillsborough controversy This grinning buffoon is Steven Cohen, the host of World Soccer Daily (WSD). WSD is the most popular football phone-in radio show in the States. God knows why it’s popular - it features way too many adverts and lots of inane buddy chat, mostly with his hugley annoying […]

Pride before a fall and all that Liverpool fans: Come back when you’ve won 18! United fans: Hi, remember that banner you held up in 1994? Yeah, about that… Now who’ll be the first to 19? Hmm, I know who my money’s on (United, if that wasn’t already clear). [@ Football Banter]

A heavyweight clash of the England captains Steven Gerrard v John Terry (Group C) A very tough opener for England’s skipper, against a former England skipper who has just won the Football Writers’ Player of the Year award. Sorry, JT, but Stevie G will win surely win this one… won’t he? Vote below…

What’s going on here? You tell us… As good a keeper as he is, Pepe Reina is clearly in the wrong profession. We’ve already seen that he’s a terrific public speaker. Here, he shows us his acting skills, albeit only in a viral for adidas’ 12th man campaign.

The high-rollers meet in Monte Carlo for draw

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1. Liverpool are going to struggle. In their current form and up against PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid, it could spell trouble.

Perm + big nose = twins

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Musings on last night’s European action

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1. Liverpool have got problems. There is no fluidity or shape to the side and Rafa Benitez doesn’t seem to know how to turn the situation around.

Reds sign another speedy Spaniard

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Liverpool have joined a host of other top football teams (plus Tottenham) in the football-meets-motorsport extravaganza that is Superleague Formula. Roma, AC Milan and Porto are among the clubs to sign up for the competition, which starts at Donington Park this weekend.

Love letters from Beijing

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How do you keep your club manager happy when you have missed the start of the Premier League season to play for your country’s under-23 squad on the other side of the world? Easy, you send messages of your undying love for him through the media. Javier Mascherano has been letting Rafa Benitez know that, even though he is in China, his heart is in Liverpool.

Liverpool’s boss up to mischief? As soon as it was clear that Argentina would beat Brazil in their Olympic football semi-final (when the Argies went 2-0 up), Brazilian midfielder Lucas seemed hell-bent on picking up a red card. Lucas fouled Liverpool team-mate Javier Mascherano from behind, and was indeed sent off. The red card means […]

Stevie G cursed with OCD? Steven Gerrard is so obsessed with cleanliness he won’t even walk barefoot on a beach, according to his wife Alex Curran. Recalling their first-wedding anniversary holiday to Miami in June, Curran said: “We didn’t leave the pool on holiday because Steven doesn’t like to get his feet dirty in the […]

Friday’s news and rumours Paul Ince struggling to make friends at Blackburn? [BBC] Martin O’Neill cup-ties Gareth Barry. Screw you, Rafa [The Sun] Wayne Rooney fit for Man Utd opener v Newcastle [Mail] Adrian Mutu ordered by Fifa to pay £13.8m in damages to Chelsea, for failed drug test. It’s the biggest fine ever given […]

Pepe Reina saves penalty to spare The Pool’s blushes Not the start Liverpool fans wanted. Liege should have won the game, but I can’t see Rafa Benitez’s team playing so badly in the return leg. Maybe Liverpool’s ghastly green kit was to blame? Click on the image below to launch the gallery. And if you […]

Stevie G’s new gym is so big it has a different postcode to his house Gerrard’s neighbours are not happy that the Liverpool skipper is building a f**k-off great gym in his f**k-off back garden. Some neighbours claim the flat-roofed structure is out of keeping with local housing. But despite these objections, Stevie G was […]

Today’s late-summer snacks Man Utd close in on Dimitar Berbatov. He’ll be a United player in the next 48 hours [Sun] Man City boss Mark Hughes has dismissed reports he is set to quit Eastlands amid rumours that Thaksin is trying to sell players behind his back [BBC] Cesc Fabregas did his hamstring in training, […]