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Who ate all the pies

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Liverpool

Liverpool: All the latest Liverpool flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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Liverpool have yet to win a Champions League game this season so nothing less than a win will do tonight and, although they won the 2005 final in Istanbul, they’ve never beaten a Turkish team away.

77460907.jpgEveryone, except maybe the most tongue-tied Spurs fan, has been waxing lyrical about Arsenal all season – apparently Wenger’s boys have taken the beautiful game and given it an even more stylish makeover.

Stevie G’s wife is on the left. The monumental waste of skin that is Paris Hilton is on the right. But they are starting to look very similar, n’est ce pas?

What’s with the inflated carrier bags? I guess it’s a dig at Everton’s new stadium plans, which also include high street shops, a hotel and a giant Tesco supermarket. Anyway, I’m sure you can come up with a fine caption for this pic…

Not a great couple of weeks for Stevie G. He’s underperformed for England (including that missed sitter in Russia), been slagged off in The Guardian, and was substituted by Rafa Benitez in the Merseyside derby on Saturday. Gerrard’s reaction to being taken off was as follows: ‘I was hurt and disappointed at being taken off […]

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.
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Crazy Sepp Blatter wants a quota on foreign players in European teams; each club would only be allowed to have five foreign players in its starting XI. Blatter sees this as the solution to encouraging home-grown talent, but, honestly, we’re too far down the line to go back to such a quota system, and anyway […]

Stop it Rafa, stop it now. You’re being a very silly boy. Do you have OCD when is comes to rotating your squad? Because you can’t stop yourself, can you? Benitez’s decision to leave out Euro specialist Javier Mascherano in favour of out-of-form Momo Sissoko and Seb Leto was very strange – Mascherano is the […]

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.
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As he’s being interviewed after a Liverpool FA Cup victory – was it that crazy game against Luton a couple of seasons ago? – Stevie G almost goes arse over tit. He holds it together though, much to the amusment of the interviewer and Ian Wright in the studio – if you listen closely, you […]

Name Nagore Nationality Spanish WAG of… Liverpool pass master Xabi Alonso. The pair are childhood sweethearts and are expecting their first child. Fame ranking 1/10 Unlike some WAGs, and much like her modest boyfriend, Nagore is more than happy to stay out of the tabloid spotlight. Babe ranking 8/10 Looks uncannily like Penelope Cruz, which […]

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Pies regular Jess Malone has submitted the latest in our series of Shit Lookalikes. Do you think Marky Mark Wahlberg could adapt to life in Liverpool’s midfield as easily as he made the transition from fresh-faced popster to haggard Oscar winner?

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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Not a vintage Liverpool display by any means, but a point away at Porto is a perfectly decent start to their CL campaign. After going behind early when Jose Reina gave away a penalty, Rafa’s boys did well to come back, via a Dirk Kuyt header from close range. For the hosts, Ricardo Quaresma looked […]

Porto vs Liverpool, Tues 18 Sept (ko 7.45pm BST) Rafa Benitez, the Incredible Rotating Manager, rested star men Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres for Liverpool’s league clash with Portsmouth at the weekend, with this tricky fixture in mind – it’s probably Liverpool’s toughest group match in the Champions League. I expect Benitez will replace ‘B’ […]

Here’s the first of our daily round-ups of some of the best posts on our excellent array of club sites dedicated to the big five (don’t laugh, but the big five does include Spurs), as well as Kickster, our new blog devoted to women’s football: Gunners rolling in cash (not unlike Demi Moore in Indecent […]

76498202.jpgIt’s a club vs. country fight that’s been simmering all week as England waits to see if Liverpool’s Stevie G will be ready for our decisive Euro qualifiers.

75411484.jpgLiverpool are sitting at the head of the Premier League table for the first time in five years – and only a ‘ghost’ penalty against Chelsea has prevented them from claiming maximum points from their first four games.

So there are six (count ‘em!) clubs in the group stages of this season’s Champions League: the big four in England, plus Celtic and Rangers. The English clubs can’t meet each other, because they are all amongst the top eight seeds, but there’s a very strong chance that we’ll see another so-called ‘Battle of Britain’, […]

72956219.jpgHe might not have made much of an impact at Arsenal during a foreign exchange loan deal for Reyes last season, but The Beast could be back in the Premier League.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.
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76175753.jpg‘I think I have a naive team. They are naive because they are pure and they are clean.’ Jose Mourinho, exceeding himself in the ‘they said what!?’ stakes.
‘If Chelsea are naive and pure then I’m Little Red Riding Hood.’ Rafa Benitez disagrees with Jose Mourinho’s assessment of his own side.

Free Gabriel Heinze t-shirt

August 21st, 2007

Gabriel Heinze’s attempts to move from Manchester United to Liverpool are expected to be settled by a Premier League arbitration panel later today. This should provide a speedy resolution to the situation, just ask Heinze’s new team-mate and compatriot Carlos Tevez!

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With a combined cost of around £250m, even Roman’s roubles would be stretched to afford this team consisting of the most expensive players (in their position) in the Premier League.