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Who ate all the pies

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Lookalikes

Shit Lookalikes: Does exactly what it says on the tin. As far as we’re concerned, when it comes to footballing lookalikes; the shitter the better!

The first Shit Lookalike of 2008 naturally sees me draw on my festive experience of watching the entire first season of Heroes on DVD. I was struck by how much D.L. Hawkins (played by Leonard Roberts), the guy who can walk through walls, looks like Arsenal’s Lassana Diarra (the new Claude Makelele).

Two Finnish blondes with spiky hair and – as is the way with any sportsmen from Iceland – ice in their veins. Shit huh.

Harvey Price’s football connections were never in doubt what with his dad being Dwight Yorke and his mum carrying a couple of footballs round in her bra. As if that wasn’t enough, he also bears a passing resemblence to Hedwiges Maduro, the Ajax midfielder who (as far as we know) is not the son of Dwight Yorke.
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Chringle, our Shit Lookalikes specialist, has outdone himself this time. I don’t know what new form of crack you’re on Chringle, but I’d like some please.

When he is not busy impersonating TV’s Gok Wan or signing any player with at least one Northern Ireland cap, Fulham boss Lawrie Sanchez loves nothing better than pretend he is onboard the Starship Enterprise.
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77979972.jpgFollowing the impressive response to yesterday’s open appeal for suggestions for a Shit Lookalike for Ronaldo, Pies is now giving you the chance to select your definitive Ronaldo Shit Lookalike. Among the pick of the suggestions were Kenan Thompson (aka Kenan from Kenan and Kel, Fat Albert), American sports presenter Greg Gumbel, Coronation Street actor Craig Charles and cartoon character Dennis the Menace. Click continue to have your vote or let us know if you think someone should be added to the list.
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This is what Pies’ Shit Lookalikes are all about: it’s so shit that it’s good. Either that or it’s just shit!

Two sets of ginger locks blowing in the breeze. Two pairs of ginger eyebrows and puffy eyes beneath them. One is Irish, the other is German. One plays in the red-and-white of Sunderland, the other played surrounded by the red-and-white of strawberries and cream!
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Seeing Nicolas Anelka all blinged-up to watch Bolton from the sidelines at the weekend (he was still wearing shades when the sun went down) reminded us of another ghetto-fabulous star whose mouth got him in trouble, Tupac (RIP).
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Cheers to Shit Lookalikes stalwarts Chringle for this gem.

Props to the chaps on The Guardian’s Football Weekly podcast, who mentioned in their latest pod that Juande Ramos is a ‘dead ringer’ for Father Damien Karras from the movie The Exorcist. He bloody well is!

Tottenham’s new assistant manager could provide the missing link between the human race and parallel universe reigned by apes – or we could just be making a monkey out of him.
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Poor old ‘Arry’s face has been fighting a losing battle with gravity for as long as we can remember, not unlike his canine counterpart – watch out Louise, it’s only a matter of until until Jamie does the same
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Both are studious types in charge of a collection of young children…
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Both are ugly winning machines, unloved by the rest of the world. The English football team and the German rugby team are also very similar, ie. both are shit.

One is an indestructible English hero… the other is Captain Scarlet… Ahh, the old ones are the best. By the way, here are a few things I learned about Captain Scarlet on Wikipedia: ‘His real name is Paul Metcalfe. He has black hair and blue eyes, and speaks with an English accent and is said […]

I miss Jimmy Bullard, but not as much as Fulham have missed him. Football’s cheekiest chap is due to return from injury next month for Fulham. By the way, for our younger readers, Paul Nicholas is a former TV star/stage actor/pop star type, best-known for his roles in Just Good Friends, famous for being one […]

Thanks to Pies reader Rusty for this gem.

‘We’d like to thank Baz on our comment boards for spotting this one. Quite uncanny. Sonja, Alan’s eastern European girlfriend was a big fan of James Bond, sex and handbags, while alas we know sweet FA about what Martina Cech [Petr Cech's missus] is into. We’re also guessing Sonja’s a Norwich City supporter, but we […]

Thanks to Ben Chinn for this one. I can kind of see the resemblence… if I squint… and turn the lights off. No, seriously, it works for me – it is indeed a shit lookalike.

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If the Faroe Islands didn’t already have their work cut out for the match against France they do now. Les Bleus seem to have a Hindu goddess in their squad.

One’s an 80s popstar who couldn’t actually sing while the other is a footballer who’s also been fluffing his lines until recently. Via Man United Pies

Yet another nomination from Pies reader Chringle. There’s definitely an element of shitness to this one, but I see where he’s coming from. Personally, I think Mikel Arteta looks more like a Mediterranean Michael Vaughan.

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There is just something about the droopy cheeks and the crazy eyewear that tickled me when I saw the two photos near each other on the Beeb’s website. Arsenal fans, who would you rather have take control of the club?!!