Shit Lookalikes: Does exactly what it says on the tin. As far as we’re concerned, when it comes to footballing lookalikes; the shitter the better!
Oh, I enjoyed writing that headline. Seriously though, what the hell is The Ugliest Footballer in the World doing riding a big yellow toy pig? Is is a Bayern mascot or something? It looks a lot like Pikachu, don’t you think?
Spare a thought for Uzbekistan coach Rustam Akramov. His nation are not exactly one of football’s major powers, but nonetheless they are currently battling it out for the Asian Cup. The question is: who do you play in goal when all your keepers look like crazed serial killers?
Looks like Frank, aka Eric Cartman, has been demolishing his fair share of pies and cream cakes during his summer holidays. Jose Mourinho won’t be happy to see that his star midfielder has developed such an impressive set of man breasts, or moobs as we like to call ‘em. And he could do with a spot of lipo on that wobbly gut. Too much Christmas pudding Frank?
Rafa’s new goatee has generated some new Shit Lookalikes. Yay! Remember, while Fernando Torres still has to prove he is a quality Premiership player worth Â£20 million he is undoubtedly a better signing than Liza Minelli!
Mexico’s Copa America goalscoring hero Nery Castillo bears an unfortunate resemblance to the monobrowed baby Maggie hates in The Simpsons. Don’t expect his ugly mug to put off Europe’s big boys if he continues his current form though. The Olympiakos striker has just turned 23 and could be ready for his big move this summer.
Being a lanky bloke and wearing an England shirt isn’t enough to call yourself a professional Peter Crouch lookalike, surely? But this chap, known only as ‘Martin’, is available for hire, through the website Fake Faces. Money well spent, we’re sure.
Sven is set to take the Manchester City job and is apparently hoping to make Sweden assistant manager Roland Andersson his number two (schoolboy snigger). Rumour has it the duo would be quite happy to walk 500 miles just to be the men to take over at Eastlands.
Our Mark Webber/David Nugent Shit Lookalike earlier today was just too damn good. It simply did not meet the low standards of poor quality lookalikes that Pies readers have come to expect. Here is another Who Ate All The Pies Shit Lookalke which is much more true to form: Alan Smith and Brooklyn Beckham. Smudger is set to join Newcastle in a Â£3.5 million deal, but nobody is currently interested in signing Brooklyn as far as we know.
Kanapoutz is a French children’s character â€“ we think. If you know different, please drop us a line.
Sven is the next manager of Man City, at least if former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra completes his takeover of the club.
Standing next to Franck Ribery instantly makes any man look like a demi-godlike cross between George Clooney, Brad Pitt and that beardy fellow from 300. And indeed, Luca Toni does look like the most handsome man in the world in this photo. He’s a good-looking fella anyway, but next to Ribery he looks obscenely dark and tall and handsome.
Thanks to Pies reader Andrew Stewart for suggesting our latest Shit lookalike. As you can see, Brazil coach Dunga is in fact the spiky-haired twin of Portuguese actor Joaquim de Almeida. We would, of course, have got round to this lookalike eventually what with Pies being huge Portuguese cinema buffs!
Ahead of England’s Euro 2008 qualifier Pies against Estonia brings you another Shit Lookalike. Striker Andres Oper – an injury doubt for tonight’s game – is a bit of a ringer for racing driver Ralf Schumacher.
Right, it’s time to settle it once and for all. Who is David Beckham’s best Shit Lookalike with his new barnet?
Continuing on a Carlos Queiroz theme, I dug up this picture of him back in the day (the Eighties, I guess?) when he was rocking a magnificent moustache. I was thinking he reminded me of someone but I couldn’t put my finger on who. Then it came to me – Geraldo Rivera (just Geraldo to his friends), American talk-show legend and fellow moustache wearer.