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Who ate all the pies

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Lookalikes

Shit Lookalikes: Does exactly what it says on the tin. As far as we’re concerned, when it comes to footballing lookalikes; the shitter the better!

Right, it’s time to settle it once and for all. Who is David Beckham’s best Shit Lookalike with his new barnet?

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Continuing on a Carlos Queiroz theme, I dug up this picture of him back in the day (the Eighties, I guess?) when he was rocking a magnificent moustache. I was thinking he reminded me of someone but I couldn’t put my finger on who. Then it came to me – Geraldo Rivera (just Geraldo to his friends), American talk-show legend and fellow moustache wearer.

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What a pair of cheeky monkeys they make.

Guess who’s back, back again. Beckham’s back, tell a friend. Would the real Steve McClaren please stand up? Real Madrid’s favourite whipping boy-turned-hero David Beckham is back in the England fold and looking a little bit like Eminem.
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Tonight’s Champions League final between AC Milan and Liverpool is being billed as a battle between the Supermen of either side – Kaka and Steven Gerrard. But when the Brazilian turned up to his side’s hotel in Athens he was looking more Clark Kent than Superman.

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The photo of Musafar, the singing and dancing midget from Iran, doesn’t do justice to him, so watch this video for the full lookalike magic…

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This sketch from the Fox network’s MadTV sketch show is about American football, but the actors look like they would have made a formidable midfield pairing at their peak!

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A thousand thank-yous to Pies reader Scott, who emailed us this splendid shit lookalike – in case you don’t know, Robert Ri’chard (nice apostrophe placement Robert) is a 24-year-old American actor, who has appeared in lots of TV shows (CSI: Miami, Veronica Mars etc.) and the odd shit movie (House of Wax and Coach Carter to name just two). Patrice Evra has never appeared in any episodes of CSI, as far as we know.

Just before Sam Allardyce makes him a Newcastle player, mouthy Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton has been Blue Moon-lighting in the Eurovision Song Contest.
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Having come up trumps with the Dirk Kuyt/Hercules axis of blondeness, regular Pies reader Cole continues on a lookalike tip with this sterling effort – Phil Neville (left) and Lurch (right), the butler from the Addams Family, could be father and son.

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Yes, John O’Shea not only looks like a bouncer/bodyguard. He also look like a slimmer version of Peter Kay. Sweet baby Jesus of Nazareth.

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Many thanks to regular Pies reader Cole for this tremendous spot. They could be brothers, albeit brothers where Hercules got all the looks and Dirk got the, er, ability to run around enthusiastically for 90 minutes without actually offering much of a goal threat.

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Props to Pies reader Patrick for spotting that Roy Keane-plus-beard is a modern-day King Leonidas (leader of the frankly suicidal Spartans). I can imagine Roy’s half-time team talks in a totally different light now: ‘Mackems! Tonight we dine in hell!’

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Whilst reading Rob’s splendid David James hair post, I was struck by the similarity between Jamo and James Harries, the freaky antiques dealer/child prodigy who had 15 minutes of fame after appearing on Wogan in 1988, and has since changed gender to become Lauren Harries.

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Simple really – who’s the worst Lamps lookalike (Justin Eason on the left, in Chelsea shirt; Eric Yabsley on right, in England shirt)? Yes, we know they’re both really shit.

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Ok, so they don’t look that similar – it’s more to do with the fact that I bet their personalities are a very close match. If Gary Neville worked in a crappy office, he’d be a total jobsworth with a tidy desk and a stapler that he’s written his name on in Tippex.

According to the Fake Faces lookalike agency, Gerry Crawford decided to become a lookalike ‘when he realised the amount of people telling him he looked like Juan Veron’. Hmm, he looks more like a rubbish WWF wrestler than Veron. However, should you feel the urge to utilise the talents of Gerry/Juan (it’s hard to tell […]

Remember Graham Rooney, star of the TJ Hughes commercial and Wayne’s little brother? Well, if making a few bob by being a cheaper-to-hire version of Wayne seemed cheeky, Graham is now parading around with his very own Coleen. Carly Gardiner, Coleen’s cousin, is the other half of this (even more) downmarket match-up. Watch this space […]

David Beckham collected an Outstanding Contribution to British Sport award (there is a message of hope to all Real Madrid benchwarmers) at the Sports Industry Awards 2007 last night sporting his new haircut. There is definitely a touch of the Tintins about his new strawberry blond short-back-and-sides-avec-quiff. No murmurs about them both having a faithful […]

As noted in our Sticker Sundays feature, Spurs striker Dimitar Berbatov is in fact Dracula. [Rob Parker]

When Sylvester Stallone put in an appearance at Goodison Park before Everton‘s game against Reading yesterday carrying a few extra pounds than when his first Rocky film came out in 1976, there was a certain resemblance to a real-life sporting legend with his own weight problems. [Rob Parker]

The force should be strong with West Ham once Eggert Magnusson‘s takeover goes through. [Rob Parker]

My trips to the cinema seem to provide a useful hunting ground for Lookalikes. Last night I went to see Casino Royale (it is worth the hype, by the way), and didn’t come away empty handed! I present Jeffrey Wright (who plays CIA agent Felix Leiter) and Joleon Lescott…   [Rob Parker]