By Chris Wright

Sir Alex Ferguson didn’t hold back in his assessment of Luis Suarez in his post-match interview with the BBC:

“Suarez is a disgrace to Liverpool Football Club. He should not be allowed to play for Liverpool again. He could have caused a riot.”

Which is actually a compliment if those myriad hair-trigger, blindly defensive Liverpool fans out there are prepared to give it a minute to sink in before the bile starts gushing forth.

Ferguson makes no secret and is actually fairly regular in expressing his admiration for Liverpool’s proud history.

To many, this latest diatribe may seem like back-handed shit-stirring on the surface – but Sir Alex is actually openly stating that a player of Suarez’s ‘dubious nature’ (which is putting it far too politely) is not worthy of playing for a club he regards in such high esteem.

Okay, it’s a little back-handed – but the point stands and we can’t help but agree on that particular front. The man has a point; Suarez is disgraceful. He is void of grace.

Kenny Dalglish was altogether less dignified after the game, telling a Beeb reporter: ”I think you’re bang out of order to blame Luis Suarez for anything that happened here today,” (the readily accessible evidence suggests otherwise) in amongst other such diversionary nonsense…

Dear me.

                          

Police have confirmed that the confiscated all of the copies of the United fanzine, Red Issue, that were floating around outside Old Trafford today which featured cut-out ‘Suarez Is Innocent’ Ku Klux Klan masks for United fans to hold in front of their faces to bait Liverpool as the teams emerged from the tunnel.

These are those…

It’s just a ghost right? The ghost of Suarez’s innocence?

So said police bod Chief Superintendent Mark Roberts said:

“Shortly before kick-off we were made aware that a Manchester United supporters’ fanzine was being sold outside Old Trafford featuring a potentially offensive image.

“We have seized the fanzines and masks] as both items are potentially offensive and we cannot be in a situation where hundreds or thousands of people were displaying offensive images at a football match.

“The consequences of taking no action could have resulted in public order incidents inside or outside the ground.”

But officer, it’s only BAAAAAAAAANTAAAAAAAH!!!!

Image: Anorak

                          

By Chris Wright

The Evra/Suarez handshake kerfuffle in GIF form, on endless repeat for the rest of time…

*Squidge squidge squidge*

Can you hear that? That’s the sound of Pies milking this thing dry.

GIF via @patricksp71

                          

By Chris Wright

Merely ‘celebrating with his own fans’ or goading Liverpool and Suarez as they/he made his way down the tunnel? Make your own minds up what Paddy was playing at come the final whistle.

I’m pretty sure I know what he had in mind.

                          

So, it was Luis Suarez who refused Patrice Evra‘s offer of a handshake at Old Trafford earlier this afternoon…

The mascot is seen here at the exact moment he realises he’s not the most immature man on the pitch

Evra grabbed Suarez, then Rio Ferdinand also refused to shake his hand.

Manchester United eventually won 2-1, and Evra ran around the pitch over-celebrating; beating his chest, whooping and kissing his badge – making a point of gravitating toward Suarez in the process before being shepherded aside by referee Phil Down and a clutch of stewards.

Children. The pair of them. Neither comes out of this with their dignity intact.

                          

Just Sir Alex Ferguson and Falkirk striker Farid El Alagui sharing a moment outside what appears to be an air-raid shelter…

Pies says: “Sir Alex’s smile begins to fade as a fifteenth consecutive game of ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ ends in a draw”

You say?

                          

By Chris Wright

HR 4 RF IDST

As we’ve gradually found out over the past week-and-a-half, Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp takes his tax advice from a magical hobgoblin that lives in his biscuit tin. What we also now know is that, instead of his labrynthine scouting network at Spurs, he seems to rely on Manchester United’s Rio Ferdinand when it comes to the final word on his signings.

Here’s our ‘Arry, waffling away after bringing in Emmanuel Adebayor on loan from Man City back in mid-August of last year:

“I spoke to Rio Ferdinand the other day and he said himself and Vidic thought Adebayor was the most difficult opponent they had played against.

“I said I might be taking Adebayor and he said he was always their toughest opponent, caused them more problems than anyone else.”

Now couple that with Redknapp’s spiel after securing the services of Everton’s Louis Saha on Tuesday evening:

“I can remember speaking to Rio Ferdinand and he said Louis was the best forward he’d ever played against.”

Rio Ferdinand is essentially Tottenham’s chief scout. Who’d have thought?

However, as our pals over at Anorak are quick to point out; if the Saha pointer is anything to go by, it seems like our Rio may actually be acting as some kind of cunning double agent.

“Psst. Harry. I’m hearing good things about this Bebe lad…”

                          

By Chris Wright

Whereas I’m pretty sure it would have still gone in on the other side of Joe Hart’s goal, Darron Gibson’s heavily deflected winner against Man City last night saw his old club Manchester United go level on points with their rivals at the summit of the Premier League – pretty much making his goal last night the best thing he ever did for United, indeed they were chanting his name 30 miles away at Old Trafford when the news broke…

Gibbo’s goal has gone down so well with his former teammates that Rio Ferdinand has tweeted him this morning to genuinely offer the Everton midfielder a free dinner at his Rosso restaurant (the food’s lovely, though the herbs are a little strong).

How nice.

                          

By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-0 Stoke City – Premier League – 31st January 2011

A penalty kick either side of half-time was enough to give an under-par United side a vital win at Old Trafford on Tuesday night, a victory that sees them go level with title rivals City at the top of the table.

With 11 first-teamers out of action, Sir Alex Ferguson was forced to start with rookie Ben Amos in goal, while Dimitar Berbatov and Javier Hernandez, all too often left on the sidelines, started up front.

United struggled to get going in the first-half but were awarded a spot-kick when Jermaine Pennat fouled Park Ji-Sung in the box. The Little Carrot, or whatever they call Hernandez, fired home from the spot and it was a similar scenario on 53 minutes, when Berbatov, the Big Beetroot, netted the penalty after Antonio Valencia was fouled by Jonathan Walters.

The Potters provided little in the way of a goal threat themselves and the game ambled towards its predictable conclusion. Not a vintage performance by United by any means, but one which sees them up the pressure on City.

Photos…

Highlights to follow…

Photos: PA

                          

Pies’ undoubted highlight of the weekend, Craig Bellamy and his rubber band (I think I saw them play at a wedding once) going through a bit of choice choreography on the touchline at Anfield on Saturday…

The sad fact is, some sports scientist somewhere has spent good money running test after test to show that warming-up with a laggy band around the ankles can increase muscle efficiency by 0.0000001%.

Unfortunately, what the tests didn’t show is that you’ll look like an absolute berk while you do it!