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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

I’ll admit it: I want Michael Owen to be the Premier League’s top scorer this season. There, I said it. Then I want him to go to the World Cup with England and win the Golden Shoe/Boot/Whatever FIFA call it now. It’s a crazy dream, I know, but then a small part of me still […]

The world tour for Tony Hart’s Gallery was a massive success As expected, Tevez is off to City, for £25.5m. And so another pampered ego who couldn’t do his time on the bench moves on. But will things be any different for the whinging Tevez at Eastlands? Let’s look at the facts… City’s ridiculously swollen […]

Hmm, this wasn’t what I ordered. Today’s quote of the day was uttered by Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson: “It is the end of our [transfer] business, so all these stories about who were are supposed to be getting – forget it.” Either this is a huge bluff or Fergie is pocketing a very large […]

From today’s Mirror: “Sir Alex Ferguson is weighing up a move for Inter Milan striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Manchester United boss Fergie, who yesterday completed the £3.5million signing of Bordeaux winger Gabriel Obertan, has missed out on several of his top targets to replace Cristiano Ronaldo. Lyon striker Karim Benzema opted to join Real Madrid, while […]

Tottenham Hotspur players Dave MacKay, goalkeeper Bill Brown, Jimmy Greaves and Terry Dyson (l to r) peer out into the fog in search of Manchester United players. [Photo: PA] The match, a Uefa Cup Winner’s Cup first-round tie in 1963, was postponed because of poor visibility. Ah, those were the days.

“Who are these old men?” Few objective fans could deny that Cristiano Ronaldo is one of Man Utd’s all-time great players. But where exactly does the departed C-Ron rank in United’s hall of fame, alongside legends like George Best, Bobby Charlton, Duncan Edwards, Eric Cantona, Roy Keane, Bryan Robson, Peter Schmeichel, Denis Law, Ryan Giggs, […]

On the left, we have Man Utd’s latest signing (well, provided he passes his medical). On the right is some dude with a tie who looks a little bit like Man Utd’s latest signing. Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email me with your tip. If you don’t know anything about Obertan, he’s a French […]

Ooh, doesn’t the white shirt really make his tan pop! And number 9 too – the number of a certain forward called Alfredo di Stefano. As a fan of the Premier League and an Englishman, it’s – strangely – a little hurtful to watch the £80m man strut out at the Bernabeu in all-white. Ron […]

The Ronaldo circus rolled into Spain today. This afternoon, Ron passed his Madrid medical with flying colours. Carlos Diez, Real’s medical chief, said: “[Ronaldo] is in perfect condition and very eager to start the season as soon as possible.” No one tells C-Ron he’s in perfect physical condition, of course. He knows it already. In […]

Probably not the look Nike was going for… Chringle, you should be proud er, ashamed of yourself. Man Utd’s new home kit for 09/10

Look at Mickey’s little face! He can’t contain his freaking delight at escaping from Newcastle Utd! He’s like a kid on Christmas Eve. Bless. I wonder what Liverpool fans think about a Liverpool legend (OK, not a legend, but certainly an important player in the club’s recent history) who is now talking so enthusiastically about […]

Fergie really hurt my pride (ahem) [Photo @ The Sun] Wow, if Carlito on a mission to alienate every single United fan on the planet, he’s going about it the right way. In today’s Mirror, he’s credited with the following quote: “Ferguson still believes I will be at United next season. He thinks I will […]

When do I wake up? The small print: Owen has signed a two-year, performance-related deal. Fergie reacted to the signing by lying saying, “Michael is a world-class forward with a proven goalscoring record at the highest level.” Liverpool fans, how does this photo make you feel? Look at it! Look at Mickey, look at how […]

Get me a rum and coke NOW. I’m on a roll… Fergie seems willing to overlook Michael Owen’s appalling injury record, unlike Big Sam, who wasn’t prepared to take a risk on signing a player who might not be able to give Blackburn at least 30 games next season. I understand Allardyce’s argument - he has […]

Now Fergie has two crocked Owens to play with. Boom boom.

It’s happening! It’s really happening. We have officially moved from the hazy world of rumour to Planet FACT. But as Bob said in an earlier Pies comment, Mickey could still fail his medical. Jeez, the little fella must be very excited though. [@ Mirror]

This is bollocks. Can I go back to the home now? Let us never forget that the only reason Fergie signed Cristiano Ronaldo was because his players told him to. So I wonder if actually Fergie is – at last - out of touch with football reality? Football reality says Michael Owen is slow and always […]

My name is Michael Owen. I am aspirational, charismatic and fully fit, I promise. It’s great to be back in red, representing a world-class brand I know Fergie is a pensioner, but what the dickens is he doing rummaging around in the charity-shop cassette basket? Michael Owen is wanted by Hull and Stoke; the champions […]

Don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry From today’s Current Bun: “A girl suffered cuts on her arms when soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window, it emerged last night. The Portuguese star faces a police quiz over the injuries to Sara Pardal, 17. “Ronaldo, 24, allegedly flipped in […]

Valencia is a good player with pace, skill and, crucially, solid Premier League experience at Wigan. And at 23, he’s younger than Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who he replaces – not directly - at United. But will Valencia turn out to be a Kanchelskis or a Kleberson? Check out some video evidence and vote after the […]

… According to Spanish rag Marca, anyway - but then Marca is the mouthpiece of Real Madrid, so it’s pretty much what you’d expect to hear. But I have to say Marca sounds very confident that the deal is already done (for around €35m), and also that it will be announced in the next 24 hours. […]

She’s not worth it, son From the Beeb: “Cristiano Ronaldo has completed his world record £80m move from Manchester United to Real Madrid after agreeing a six-year deal. “United, who accepted Real’s offer for the winger on 11 June, have confirmed the move has been finalised and he will be presented to the fans on […]

The teaser images made it just about clear enough that Man Utd’s new home kit features a big black chevron on the chest. And now the strip has officially been launched, we can see clearly that this is the case. First thoughts: why?! There’s no possible reason to place a black chevron so prominently on […]

The final group kicks off today… Zlatan Ibrahimovic v Rio Ferdinand (Group G) Extremely cocky attacker v extremely metrosexual defender. Who you got? Vote below: