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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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We might have guessed he wasn’t quite the reformed character we had been led to believe. The Manchester United star broke the wrist of pensioner Fred Harrison during the recent Middlesbrough-Man Yoo game. C-Ron fired a wayward shot (apparently he does occasionally miss the target) into Middlesbrough fans, and 68-year-old Fred ended up with a broken wrist after putting his arms up to protect his face.

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres believes that the Primera Liga is stronger than the Premier League. “In England the top four are better than the ones in Spain, above all when it comes to consistency,” Torres told Radio Marca. “Apart from that, the rest of the teams in the Primera Liga are stronger as they have […]

This is pure class! It is mobile phone footage taken from Manchester United’s pre-match warm-up before their recent match with Liverpool. Cristiano Ronaldo manages to nutmeg a member of Man Yoo’s training staff without him even noticing. He doesn’t even break stride!

There can’t be any doubt that Cristiano Ronaldo is currently the best player in the world and possibly the best player in Man United’s history – his 35 goals this season have carried United to the top of the Premier League and within touching distance of another European Cup semi-final.
The only problem with taking your game to a higher level than anyone can reach is that you can feel disappointed by the ‘mere mortals’ playing around you. While Ronaldo has been breaking scoring records this season, his number of assists has fallen dramatically – suggesting a selfishness and lack of trust in his teammates

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1 United are through to the semi-finals. It is difficult to imagine Roma (or many sides for that matter) scoring two goals at Old Trafford at the moment.
2 Cristiano Ronaldo is unstoppable on present form.
3 But he is also a moody git. We don’t need the outstretched arms and face of disbelieving sorrow each time an opposition player brushes against you, C-Ron.

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It looks like Wayne Rooney has been attempting to mimic the facial hair of the man who pays his wages. Roo’s ginger beard (sans moustache) is an exact replica of the one sported by Manchester United owner Malcolm Glazer. How long before we see Wazza taking to the pitch in a pair of a gold-rimmed glasses?

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Roma boss Luciano Spalletti’s smooth but ever so bumpy cranium makes him a Shit Lookalike for a peanut.

Cristiano Ronaldo turns matador in this new advert for Fuji Xerox. In the Japanese advertt, C-Ron shows off his tricks as the bull charges round after the ball. Don’t worry if after a few seconds you start rooting for the bull – it is perfectly natural.

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With The Sun reporting that Wayne Rooney is ditching his guitar to take up the drums because he is finding the guitar too difficult, here are 10 songs we reckon Wazza should master before flogging his instrument.
1 Stick In The Middle With Roo
The abortive 2006 World Cup song in his honour.
2 Bohemian Rhapsody
The unofficial soundtrack to Wayne’s World.
3 All Together Now
Everton’s 1995 FA Cup final song.

I always like to see one of the big four taken down a peg, and so I smiled when both Arsenal and Liverpool crashed out of the FA Cup at the weekend. The manner of their defeats was very different. The Gooners might have expected to lose at Old Trafford, but even their fans must […]

This video shows Manchester United’s Nani showing off his circus tricks against Arsenal. Unsurprisingly the Arsenal players start to get a teeny bit frustrated.

Gary Neville has claimed today that team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo is ‘playing on another planet’ this season. But, Pies readers, which planet do you think that is? Vote below… surveys – Take Our Poll

Arsene Wenger is not a sentimental manager. He has never been afraid to drop players when he feels they have served their purpose – even great players like Patrick Vieira, Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry and Robert Pires. Wenger always looks forward, for the good of the team, not the individual. That’s what makes him the […]

1. Fergie chewed gum throughout the minute’s silence. Classy guy. 2. Man Utd’s sponsorless kit looked really great – made me yearn for the days when all kits were that simple. 3. For all their talents, Man Utd are sorely lacking a) an incisive striker, and b) a decent right-back to replace Gary Neville. With […]

ronaldo%20united%20kit.jpgManchester United donned a special 1950s-style shirt for yesterday’s derby defeat to Manchester City in honour of the Munich air disaster. The club ditched its crest and the logo of sponsors AIG to remember the Busby Babes killed in the crash on February 6, 1958. The shirt – modelled here by Cristiano Ronaldo – is not going on sale to the public so any United fans wanting to recreate the look will have to buy retro or try the Fredi Kanoute approach and tape up the sponsor’s logo.

HEROES
Benjani Mwaruwari Scoring the winning goal in the Manchester derby is not a bad debut in anyone’s books, even if you are only there for the money!

I’m too young to have ever seen Duncan Edwards play, but I’ve seen enough video footage, and heard enough testimony from some of the game’s true legends, to appreciate that on 5th Feb 1958, English football lost its finest ever all-round talent. He was a giant of the game at 21, and we’ll forever be […]

Some of the most interesting football stories doing the rounds today: 1. Korean players are deliberately dislocating their own shoulders to avoid national service. Ouch. The Offside 2. Sepp Blatter wants a vote on quotas for home-grown players to take place in May. Under Blatter’s proposal, club sides would be forced to field a minimum […]

A memorial stone in Kirchtrudering, near Munich, recalls the location of the Munich air disaster, which happened on the 6th February 1958. Twenty-three people, including eight Manchester United players, lost their lives in the crash. A delegation of Man Utd supporters will commemorate the 50th anniversary today at the scene of the accident. Photo Johannes […]

Cristiano Ronaldo considers the meaning of life before Man Utd’s game against Tottenham at White Hart Lane. Either that, or he’s just spotted a cloud that looks like a puppy. Photo Getty Images

Thanks to reader John Rain for this bizarre spot – they must share the same barber. I’ve never seen Nightbreed, and now I don’t think I ever will… this Peloquin character looks scary. More shit lookalikes

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

I have to agree with Ronaldo that his free-kick against Pompey last night is the best goal he’s ever scored (watch it here). It’s rare to see a ball struck so viciously, so accurately and so purely. Here’s a video compilation of 10 of his best goals. None of them is as good as the […]

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West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images