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Who ate all the pies

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Man Utd

Manchester United: All the latest Manchester United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Shamon motherf*cker! Remember when Michael Jackson was still black and had most of his own facial features?

This spoof of Wayne Rooney’s Put It Where You Want It campaign for his new Nike boots shows Reading centre-back Michael Duberry putting it exactly where he wants it – right on top of Wazza’s paper-thin boots. Crunch goes the metatarsal.

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Man%20City%20home%20kit.JPGManchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

manu-badge.jpgNow, to our glory hunting Manchester United fans (I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Back off!) to find out about their dreams of silverware and stuff. I interviewed the main lad at new Shiny blog, ManUnitedPies, and found that he was very busy, and therefore, a bit short on words… but you would be if you’d been gloating all summer at Chelsea fans…

Remember we warned you that the latest Nike Put It Where You Want It viral would feature Wayne Rooney smacking the ball at scantily clad Welsh daredevils Dirty Sanchez? Well here is the finished article. The group enjoy a few eye-watering games. Note the ominous to be continued caption at the end of the video.

In a long line of singing footballers (maybe we should do a Singing Footballers XI?) Carlos Tevez is the latest (to me at least) hitman to pick up the mic. He’s the front man in a band called Piola Vago, who play cumbia villera, a form of Argentinian shantytown/urban music. Piola Vago managed to hit the charts in Argentina with their song Lose Your Control which saw Carlitos crooning about whipping a girl and begging her for sex (c/o The Sun).

cmlotto.jpgHe may well be a born leader of men but that doesn’t mean Fergie wears the trousers at home. Apparently, the United manager has been grounded tonight and will miss United’s final pre-season friendlies while he helps his missus move house.

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Chelsea’s squad for last weekend’s Community Shield match was so bare that they played without a recognised striker for most of the match. And it looks like they’ll have to make up the numbers when their Premier League kicks off on Sunday.

gabbyheinze.jpgGabriel Heinze is a troubled man. Apart from being the footballer that no commentator can agree on in terms of pronouncing his surname, he’s also trapped in a loveless relationship. By that I mean his stay at Old Trafford. Heinze will take his dispute with Manchester United to a Premier League arbitration panel next week regarding his wish to leave the club….

Sven just can’t help putting his foot in it. It comes naturally to him, as do negative tactics and poor substitutions. Here he is asking new signing Valeri Bojinov how it feels to have signed for Manchester United! Valeri probably got all excited for a couple of seconds until the howls of the watching media kick in!

1 Chelsea’s reserves have pretty much got their league sewn-up already.
2 Thomas Kuszczak and Ben Foster (when he is fit again) will have their work cut out ousting Edwin van der Sar.
3 Wayne Rooney is back! Was he ever away? Anyway, Fergie has predicted a big season from the England star and he made a promising start as he ran at defenders in a way he didn’t seem confident enough to do at times last season.

Edwin van der Sar was the star of the show as Manchester United lifted the first silverware of the season. The Dutch keeper saved three consecutive Chelsea penalties to win the Community Shield for his side in a shootout. The game had finished 1-1, with Ryan Giggs giving United the lead and Chelsea new boy Florent Malouda equalising with a neat finish. Van der Sar then saved from Claudio Pizarro, Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright Phillips in the shootout.

Laughing%20Tevez.JPGIt seems Carlos Tevez’s protracted move to Manchester United might finally be completed today. The prospect of a court case has sobered up all parties and a deal appears to have been struck. Tevez is expected to move to Old Trafford on a two-year loan deal with West Ham receiving £2 million in compensation. The Argentine will pick up more than double that this season alone with a salary of £4.5 million. Manchester United then have the option of completing a £30 million permanent deal.

r10870_25609.jpgAfter Inter Milan scored three times in 17 minutes during yesterday’s friendly against Man Utd, Fergie pointed his hairdryer in the direction of the defence.

United lost at home to Inter Milan in this pre-season friendly. Despite Wayne Rooney putting it where he wanted it to open the scoring, the Red Devils were 1-3 down at half-time after goals from David Suazo (two) and Zlatan Ibrahimovic. They pulled one back in the second half when Adriano headed a Cristiano Ronaldo free-kick into his own net.

DirtySancheznike.bmpPies has been keeping a close eye on Nike’s Put It Where You Want advertising campaign, in which Wayne Rooney vents his frustration at Colleen’s latest shopping spree by smacking the ball against a variety of targets (so far a badly drawn circle and an annoying film director have felt the venom of Wazza’s new T90 Laser boots).

Oh, the fickle world of football: Tuesday 31st July: Fergie reveals a crop of promising youngsters he dubs ‘the future’ of the club. “My biggest management job next season will be with the young players – Johhny Evans, Gerard Pique, Danny Simpson Lee Martin, Chris Eagles, Frazier Campbell and Guiseppe Rossi,” he said. “They’re terrific […]

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Without doubt the shittest lookalike I’ve ever posted, but it is a rather amusing pic – so sue me. It was taken during a visit by the Man Utd squad to Chimelong Safari Park in Guangzhuo, China.

Man Utd starlet Nani has been ordered to stop his back-flipping goal celebration, by manager Sir Alex Ferguson. The Portuguese winger performed a flip after scoring on his United debut, in a friendly against Shenzhen FC, but reportedly winced on landing:

Lomano Lua Lua famously injured himself after performing a back-flip celebration, and Fergie doesn’t want the same fate to befall Nani. Fair enough, as he has paid £17m for the youngster.

I know that Liverpool fans don’t have the monopoly on this song (Celtic fans sing it regularly, as do fans of Ajax and several other European clubs) but it’s still weird to see Man Yoo fans belting out the song associated with their arch rivals. Are they on a wind-up, or did United fans ever adopt this song as their own? Answers on a postcard please (or just leave a comment!).

Top Ten Ginger Footballers

July 23rd, 2007

Wes_BROWN.jpg
Well, instead of playing knock down ginger we’ve put together a list of the top ten ginger footballers who have ignored the taunts and become role models for red heads everywhere:

CRon%20Old%20Skool.JPGC-Ron seems to be on a one man mission to bring the old back-to-front baseball cap into fashion. We are not sure whether the Man Yoo man thinks it’s going to be the latest trend, or if he simply wanted as much of his face on show as possible. This time last year Pies hated this man. He won us over with his scintillating displays on the pitch last season, but nonetheless pictures like this confirm that he is a big tart!

73200940.jpgThe business end of the Premiership has been dominated in recent years by the Big Four, namely Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Few teams have even come close to challenging that dominance, but Chelski boss Jose Mourinho believes that Spurs are now strong enough to challenge that group this coming season, and thus create a ‘Big Five’.

campbell.jpgWith Fergie refusing Liverpool’s £6.8m bid for Gabriel Heinze and claiming United would ‘never’ sell to their bitterest rivals, we take a look at a few transfers that have taken place between clubs with a history of hatred.