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Who ate all the pies

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Miscellaneous

You don’t get too many long distance own goals, let alone ones that are scored with the head. But Parma’s Stefano Morrone achieved this considerable feat against Juventus last night. Excellent finish, but I bet he couldn’t do it again if he tried.

Valencia centre-back lexis Ruano (he’s in there somewhere) celebrates with teammates after scoring his team’s second goal during the Copa del Rey final between Valencia and Getafe at the Vicente Calderon stadium on 16 April 16, 2008. Valencia, who are facing a relegation battle in the Primera Liga, won 3-1, their seventh victory in the […]

Footage of C-Ron during his time at Sporting Lisbon, between 1997-2001: You can see why Man United decided to buy him – even at 17 he had sublime poise, balance and ball control. Watch more early C-Ron highlights, including the performance against Man U that persuaded Alex Ferguson to make Lisbon an offer, after the […]

Hull’s Dean Windass, an old-school English footballer if ever there was one, celebrates scoring the third goal during last night’s Coca-Cola Championship match between Barnsley and Hull City at Oakwell. The visitors won 3-1, a fine result that moved them into second place in the table. Photo Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

It’s anyone’s guess which two Championship teams will end up gaining automatic promotion to the Premier League at the end of this season. At the moment, West Brom and Hull City lie first and second, with 74 and 72 points respectively, but there’s no guarantee that either will end up in the top flight in […]

Remember we told you about the world’s first all-dwarf football team in Brazil? Of course you do! Well, footage of the boys in action has now come to light. Here are Belem-based Giants of the North doing their thing. Their star striker is scarily quick, scarily skllful and scarily short – like Vagner Love’s pygmy cousin. How is a 6ft 4in centre-back supposed to slide tackle this guy and keep a clear conscience?

Deon Burton of Sheffield Wednesday tangles with Paul Connolly of Plymouth Argyle during the Coca-Cola Championship match between Wednesday and the Pilgrims at Hillsborough on 14 April, 2008. The match finished 1-1, a result that lifts Wednesday out of the bottom three, and all but ends Plymouth’s chances of reaching the play-offs. Photo Mark Thompson/Getty […]

We’re down to the final three places in our Premier League team of the season as chosen by Pies’ readers.But, now it’s time to turn to the opposite flank and there are a decent selection of left wingers to choose from – click through to vote for the best left winger in the Premier League this season.

1. Money saved wisely?
Despite having money to spend, Arsene Wenger was typically frugal in the transfer market – losing Henry and only brining in Sagna and Eduardo as players of note. His decision gave the team unity at the start of the season but they have faltered towards the end with no one to replace injured or fatigued players like Eduardo and Rosicky.

he shortlist for the PFA Player of the Year Awards has been announced with Cristiano Ronaldo unsurprisingly heading the list for the second year running.
He faces competition from the Arsenal pair of Fabregas and Adebayour, Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, and a surprise inclusion for Portsmouth’s David James.
We expect it to be a foregone conclusion but who would you choose as the Premier League’s player of the year?

This player hits the deck looking for a penalty, but as he flicks his heels up in the air for a bit of extra drama he manages to make contact with ball and accidentally clip it past the keeper. Suddenly he is not so concerned about the penalty!

Although we have already told you about the incredible match between Bayern Munich and Getafe last night, this is worthy of a post to itself. Veteran goalkeeper Oliver Kahn celebrated the dramatic win by punching annoying Dutchman Mark van Bommel in the face (a feat worthy of celebration itself). Sadly, van Bommel recognises that it was accident and takes it in good humour. Unlike the version I would like to see where van Bommel responds with a couple of jabs, calls on Robbie Savage as his tag team partner and they take on Kahn together… Irritating footballer deathmatch – we could be onto a winner.

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Bayern Munich striker Luca Toni put his side in the Uefa Cup semi-finals with a dramatic goal in the last seconds of their dramatic match against Getafe. With the scores at 1-1 from the first leg, Getafe had makeshift centre-back Ruben de la Red sent off after six minutes.

Personally, I have never been a fan of marking the man who is taking the throw in as it tends to needlessly slow the game. The player in this clip obviously knew his opponent’s throw-in was a dangerous weapon. Having said that, so is a tank and you wouldn’t stand in front of one of those. As if the video itself wasn’t funny enough, turn your speakers up to get the full effect of one of sport’s most comedic noises: outraged American.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

April 11th, 2008

1. Career path
Luton, Arsenal, West Ham, Wimbledon, Coventry, Celtic, West Brom, Norwich (current)
2. Multiple choice
How many games did Arsenal’s Invincibles draw during their 2003/4 unbeaten season?
a) 10 b) 11 c) 12

As you can see, Premier League referee Mike Riley was separated at birth from SpongeBob SquarePants character Squidward Tentacles. According to the Nickelodeon website he, “is a stuck-in-the-mud squid who thinks he’s better than everyone else”. Sounds like a ref to me.

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… second time around at least.

Yesterday we asked whether you had forgiven Ron Atkinson enough for him to return to our television screens. Maybe he has learnt his lesson… or perhaps not. Here’s what happened when Baddiel and Skinner pre-empted his return.

Kris Boyd decided that rather than chase this pass towards the byline, hold up play and wait for support, he would save himself some energy by pretending he was tripped up. Unfortunately, his acting skills are not quite up to scratch.

An idiot’s guide to goal celebrations courtesy of a man with a dodgy Russian accent and a funny hat. Apparently the man is Rudi Latka and this is part of his Soccer School series of spoof tuition videos.

ITV’s 21st century answer to Spitting Image started this weekend. In this sketch, Fabio Capello learns the dangers of relying on the FA translator.

“Please, sir, I want some more goals.” “Sorry, Andrei, you’ve scored one now give your team-mates a chance.” And he did. After Arshavin’s opener, Zenit St Petersburg went onto beat Bayer Leverkusen 1-4 in the Uefa Cup last night.

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Throughout history there have always been players who have proved that size doesn’t necessarily matter – just think Diego Maradona. They might not win every physical battle against an oversized centre forward but there are advantages of being small including a low centre of gravity that brings excellent ball control and pace to burn.
They may be short on size but that hasn’t stopped them making a big impression on the Premier League’s land of giants.

As the only Premier League side left in the FA Cup, the pressure is on Harry Redknapp to take Portsmouth all the way and win his first major trophy.
But they’ll have to beat a decent West Brom side at Wembley first and we’ve already seen a season of shocks in the Cup – will Old ‘Arry do it?