As featured in one of our past Shit Lookalikes, Father Ted and Father Dougal take charge of an ageing football team, and we don’t mean Fulham.

We have just about accepted the strange phenomenon of the Premier League’s foreign imports wearing gloves from August until April, but Birmingham City striker Mikael Forssell might be taking things a bit too far with his winter coat!

We interrupt our normal La Liga Lunes broadcasting to bring you this overhead kick from Ronaldinho against Atletico Madrid.

Unfortunately for Ronnie and his team-mates, this stunning effort was the opening goal in Barca’s 4-2 defeat to Atletico Madrid. This was probably one game Atletico’s fans wouldn’t have minded losing because their victory allowed Real Madrid to open up a five point lead at the top of La Liga. But win they did thanks to a Sergio Aguero double, a Maxi Rodriguez goal and a Diego Forlan penalty.

A Fred double opened Lyon’s Ligue 1 lead up to four points. The seven times champions beat bottom-club Metz 2-0. Nearest rivals Bordeaux drew 0-0 at home to Lille. Third-placed Nancy came from behind to beat in-form Lens 2-1.

David Beckham attends a promotional event for Adidas in Seoul, South Korea, ahead of LA Galaxy’s friendly match against FC Seoul.

Brazilian player Marcos Paulo suffered the misfortune of being attacked by a colony of red fire ants during a recent game. In a bid to avoid being bitten and stung half to death the full-back stripped off and tried to bath himself in a puddle. Having realised that he still had not rid himself of the pests, the Santacruzense player made a dash for the changing rooms to give himself a shower!

It has been an action packed week in Serie A with 20 games taking place since your last Gazzetta. Where to begin? The top met last night. Inter Milan and Roma shared the points in a 1-1 draw. Francesco Totti opened the scoring but Javier Zanetti equalised. Inter had previously dropped points at Sampdoria in a 1-1 draw, while Roma beat Fiorentina 1-0 courtesy of a Cicinho goal. All of this meant that Inter’s lead over Roma was reduced to a meagre nine points.

Barcelona managed to salvage a draw with a last minute euqaliser from Xavi in the first leg of Spain’s FA Cup equivalent – the Copa Del Rey. Despite dominating the game, Valencia scored on the break through David Villa – but Xavi’s goal extends their unbeaten run in all competitions to 15.

This week’s Guardian Gallery is poking fun at Giovanni Trapattoni’s appointment as manager of the Republic of Ireland. This entry shows Trap realising the, erm, size of the task ahead as he picks up Andy Reid’s XXXXL shirt, while Stephen Ireland’s two dead grannies sneak past in their hearses. Click here to see the other entries.

You are a Championship goalkeeper. You have kept the multi-million pound strikers of a Premier League side at bay for the best part of 200 minutes during which time you have been the standout player having made a string of decent saves. Then six minutes before you get the opportunity to become a hero in a penalty shootout, this happens. Take it away, Paddy Kenny.

Becks is no stranger to unusual hair cuts but he can’t have seen anything like the attention-seeking barnet sported by his LA galaxy team mate Abel Xavier.
Beckham seems to be pondering something while sat next to the blonde Teenwolf on the club’s tour of Asia – let us know what he’s thinking…

Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven came from a goal behind to beat De Graafschap 4-1. A Danko Lazović brace bookended a goal from Ottman Bakkal and a Timmy Simons penalty as PSV continued to dominate the league.

In a week of low scores and red cards in the Bundesliga, Bayern Munich moved four points clear at the top of table after their 1-1 draw with Hamburg. Ze Roberto cancelled out Ivica Olic’s opener to secure a point for Bayern. But the Bavarians missed their chance to open up a six-point gap after Werder Bremen’s defeat to Eintracht Frankfurt.

Dave ‘Harry’ Bassett has become the victim of a prank phone call in which he was recorded expressing an interest in becoming assistant manager at Scunthorpe United. Harry was told current manager Nigel Adkins was about to be sacked and was asked to work alongside his unnamed replacement.

Martin Taylor’s tackle on Eduardo that led to the Arsenal striker’s gut wrenching injury wasn’t born from malice – despite what Arsene Wenger may retract at a later date. But, we have seen a few horror tackles down the years that obviously had more intention of taking the player than the ball – and there’s no prizes for guessing who tops that list…
1. Roy Keane on Alfe-Inge Haaland
Keano’s ‘take that you c*nt’ retribution on Alfe-Inge Halland was a grudge he had been harbouring for four years

A few weeks back Barcelona’s title challenge seemed dead in the water, but after this weekend’s La Liga action the Catalan giants are just two points behind league leader Real Madrid. Barcelona thrashed table-propping Levante 5-1 to but Real’s hope of winning back-to-back titles in doubt.

This advert is for an online football pools game, but the moral of the video seems to be don’t be tempted to kick dogs just because they are sat near the penalty spot on a football pitch because they will still bite you. A lesson we can all learn from.

Bordeaux closed the gap on league leaders Lyon in style with a 0-6 away win at Monaco. Two goals apiece from Argentinian Fernando Cavenaghi and Johan Micoud, and strikes from Marouane Chamakh and Gabriel Obertan gave Bordeaux and emphatic win which leaves them just one point behind Lyon.

Just look at that thug John Terry headbutting poor little Abou Diaby’s foot. Apparently he was going to untie the laces with his teeth.

If anyone still can’t fathom how Arsenal’s Adebayor managed to miss that header against AC Milan in midweek – don’t worry Emmanuel, we’ve seen worse…

1. Career path Torquay United, Manchester United, Leeds united, Sampdoria, Bradford City, Portsmouth, Exeter City, Grindavik, Garforth Town 2. True or false Did Denis Law score the goal that relegated Manchester United from the First Division in 1974? 3. Picture round 4. Team mates Ronaldo, Romario, Rivaldo, Ronaldinho – all played for which club? 5. [...]

Well we say ‘forgotten’ but I’m not sure if this was ever remembered outside Scotland. Diego Maradona never played for Ayr United – that we know of – but if he had he would have scored goals just like this one. Former Chelsea youngster Ryan Stevenson is the man running from his own half to score against Alloa Athletic.

Spurs defender Jonathan Woodgate has become the latest multi-millionaire footballer to moan about house prices in London. In this video he reveals he is yet to purchase a house doon Sooth since his move from Middlesbrough. Get the man a council flat! Click here to see the jovial press conference at which Woodgate made the comments.

Those comic geniuses Mitchell and Webb of Peep Show fame have offered up this satirical look at Sky’s over hyped approach to football on TV with lines like, “A South Coast clash that will go down in history as one of the many football matches that is happening this weekend”.

Inter Milan can console themselves about their fairly bleak Champions League outlook with the knowledge that they have already pretty much guaranteed qualification for next year’s competition. A 2-0 win at home to Livorno, and Roma’s defeat to Juventus, means Inter are now a whopping 11 points clear at the top of Serie A. Short of bringing Kevin Keegan to help them wrap up the title, it seems nothing can stop them becoming champions for a second successive season.