One day Adidas has Lionel Messi stretching his leg behind him around giant sand-covered cones, and the next thing his hamstring is kaput. Coincidence? I think not…

With only around ten games to go, it’s safe to say which players have been a success in the Premier League this season – so we’ve decided to assemble a team of the best performing players as chosen by ‘Pies readers.
We start in between the sticks with those eccentric loners who claim to be a different breed from their outfield teammates – the goalkeepers. They might not normally get the recognition they deserve but preventing a goal can be as important as scoring one at the other end.

There were mixed fortunes for the British sides still involved in the UEFA Cup last night – although it was our big name teams that suffered while the lesser lights managed a few surprises.

Earlier this week we questioned the wisdom behind some of the more baffling managerial appointments made in the Premier League by asking you to vote for the worst one – with a unanimous 43% not backing Keegan to stage a Second Coming at Newcastle.
But among the many misses there have also been a few hits this season, with not only Daniel Levy being able to say, “I told you so’. So, who’s been the best new manager brought on this season?

Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese made a truly horrendous error during his side’s tie with Rangers last night. Everything about it stank – the fact that it happened on the stroke of half-time, the fact that his team were still 0-0 in a Uefa Cup away leg at the time and, of course, the fact that he pushed a 35-yard shot into his own net. Daniel Cousin was the man who tried his luck, prompting more Rangers players than had probably anticipated to kiss their Cousin.

Premier League clubs have become a billionaire’s play thing for rich foreign investors in recent times – drawn by the potentially huge business returns from regular incomes, increased television revenues and the hope of establishing international brand values.
They may tell you of their love of the game and fulfilling boyhood dreams but, make no mistake, these international fat cats are in it for the money. And their arrival hasn’t been without controversy including everything from money laundering scandals and quick sells to fugitives on the run.
Nonetheless, all of the eight clubs now owned by foreign investors have at least experienced an initial upturn in fortunes – but which one will prove to be the best?

Inter Milan faltered again to give Roma an unexpected sniff of the Serie A title. The champions seemingly had another title wrapped up just a couple of weeks ago as they opened up an 11-point lead at the top of the table. That margin has been reduced to six points after a 1-0 defeat to Napoli at the weekend.

Despite gifting Sevilla a two-goal lead, Fenerbahce managed to take the game to penalties after an equal 3-2 final score. The goalkeeper Volkan Demirel atoned for earlier mistakes by saving three penalties, which takes the Turkish club to the first Champions League quarter-final in their history – cue wild celebrations from his watching team mates.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a title chasing club with millions to spend or a club struggling to stave off relegation, the most important decision for any Premier League club is the man they appoint as manager – so why have so many teams got it so horribly wrong this season?

Ajax closed the gap on Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven to six points with a 4-0 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. A Klaas Jan Huntelaar brace and goals from Urby Emanuelson and Leonardo secured an easy victory. Meanwhile, PSV suffered a 3-1 at FC Utrecht. Despite taking the lead through a Timmy Simons penalty, the table-toppers slipped to their fourth defeat of the season.

This advert for Mexican news agency Milenio shows what might happen if Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi fail to leave their infamous bust-up from a couple of years ago in the past.

Ever-ready Teddy Sheringham has announced that he will retire from football at the end of this season – at the ripe old age of 42 years-old.
That’s a pretty impressive run for a career that started as a 16 year-old with Millwall and brought him 289 goals along the way as well as over 50 England caps. What Sheringham lacked in pace he made up for with one of the finest footballing brains of his generation, which also allowed him to play on for so many years.
He’ll see out his playing days with current club Colchester in the Championship but his lengthy career has seen him play for seven different English clubs, most notably Manchester United and Spurs.
But which one will he be most associated with after he retires?

It is as you were at the top of Bundesliga with the top three teams all recording victories. Miroslav Klose gave table-topping Bayern Munich a 0-1 win at Schalke. Werder Bremen remain four points behind courtesy of Markus Rosenberg’s brace against Borussia Dortmund. Third-placed Hamburg signalled their intent with a 4-1 victory over Eintracht Frankfurt.

As featured in one of our past Shit Lookalikes, Father Ted and Father Dougal take charge of an ageing football team, and we don’t mean Fulham.

We have just about accepted the strange phenomenon of the Premier League’s foreign imports wearing gloves from August until April, but Birmingham City striker Mikael Forssell might be taking things a bit too far with his winter coat!

We interrupt our normal La Liga Lunes broadcasting to bring you this overhead kick from Ronaldinho against Atletico Madrid.

Unfortunately for Ronnie and his team-mates, this stunning effort was the opening goal in Barca’s 4-2 defeat to Atletico Madrid. This was probably one game Atletico’s fans wouldn’t have minded losing because their victory allowed Real Madrid to open up a five point lead at the top of La Liga. But win they did thanks to a Sergio Aguero double, a Maxi Rodriguez goal and a Diego Forlan penalty.

A Fred double opened Lyon’s Ligue 1 lead up to four points. The seven times champions beat bottom-club Metz 2-0. Nearest rivals Bordeaux drew 0-0 at home to Lille. Third-placed Nancy came from behind to beat in-form Lens 2-1.

David Beckham attends a promotional event for Adidas in Seoul, South Korea, ahead of LA Galaxy’s friendly match against FC Seoul.

Brazilian player Marcos Paulo suffered the misfortune of being attacked by a colony of red fire ants during a recent game. In a bid to avoid being bitten and stung half to death the full-back stripped off and tried to bath himself in a puddle. Having realised that he still had not rid himself of the pests, the Santacruzense player made a dash for the changing rooms to give himself a shower!

It has been an action packed week in Serie A with 20 games taking place since your last Gazzetta. Where to begin? The top met last night. Inter Milan and Roma shared the points in a 1-1 draw. Francesco Totti opened the scoring but Javier Zanetti equalised. Inter had previously dropped points at Sampdoria in a 1-1 draw, while Roma beat Fiorentina 1-0 courtesy of a Cicinho goal. All of this meant that Inter’s lead over Roma was reduced to a meagre nine points.

Barcelona managed to salvage a draw with a last minute euqaliser from Xavi in the first leg of Spain’s FA Cup equivalent – the Copa Del Rey. Despite dominating the game, Valencia scored on the break through David Villa – but Xavi’s goal extends their unbeaten run in all competitions to 15.

This week’s Guardian Gallery is poking fun at Giovanni Trapattoni’s appointment as manager of the Republic of Ireland. This entry shows Trap realising the, erm, size of the task ahead as he picks up Andy Reid’s XXXXL shirt, while Stephen Ireland’s two dead grannies sneak past in their hearses. Click here to see the other entries.

You are a Championship goalkeeper. You have kept the multi-million pound strikers of a Premier League side at bay for the best part of 200 minutes during which time you have been the standout player having made a string of decent saves. Then six minutes before you get the opportunity to become a hero in a penalty shootout, this happens. Take it away, Paddy Kenny.

Becks is no stranger to unusual hair cuts but he can’t have seen anything like the attention-seeking barnet sported by his LA galaxy team mate Abel Xavier.
Beckham seems to be pondering something while sat next to the blonde Teenwolf on the club’s tour of Asia – let us know what he’s thinking…

Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven came from a goal behind to beat De Graafschap 4-1. A Danko Lazović brace bookended a goal from Ottman Bakkal and a Timmy Simons penalty as PSV continued to dominate the league.