By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Newcastle United – Premier League – 11th February 2012

Harry Redknapp’s charges gave their boss the perfect homecoming present, as they presented their exhonerated manager with a superb 5-0 win against Newcastle.

It has been some week for Redknapp, who is clear favourite to take the England job. However, after watching his side tear the Magpies apart with a superb dsplay of fluid attacking football, one wonders if the former Portsmouth boss will want to leave White Hart Lane at all.

Former Arsenal man Emmanuel Adebayor was the architect of the victory, providing four first-half assists before finally getting on the scoresheet himself after the break. New signing Louis Saha immediately clicked with his Togolese strike partner, netting twice in the first 20 minutes after Benoit Assou-Ekotto had opened the scoring on just four minutes.

Newcastle simply couldn’t live with Spurs, who knocked the ball around with precision and speed in a magnificent performance. Niko Kranjcar netted the Lilywhites’ fourth, just after the half-hour mark, while the visitors rarely threatened Brad Friedel’s goal.

After the break, Adebayor finally got on the scoresheet, courtesy of a superb swivel and volley while Demba Ba did his best to get the Magpies a consolation strike, only to be denied by Friedel on more than one occasion.

So Spurs keep the pressure on the two Manchester sides, while Alan Pardew’s Newcastle are finding out just how tough it can be at the top (or at least in the top six).

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

By Chris Wright

This one’s for JS; a GIF or two of Blackburn winger Junior Hoilett’s awful, downright shameful attempted penalty con against Newcastle last night that eventually led to Ryan Taylor getting booked for having the gumption to be majorly pissed off by the Canadian’s little flop…

The cheating little git. A retrospective one-game ban would suffice but, alas, that’s not the way the FA see fit do things around here.

GIFs: Reddit

                          

Blackburn Rovers 0-2 Newcastle United – Premier League – 1st February 2012

Despite still being shorn of the services of their two Demba-tastic strikers, Alan Pardew’s Newcastle halted their recent decline with a very valuable away victory at Ewood Park.

The home side continue to struggle without their wantaway (one of the finest footballing words around) captain Christopher Samba, and were already behind against Newcastle  after just 12 minutes, courtesy of a Ryan Taylor shot which took a wicked deflection of Scott Dann. Rovers rallied to find an equaliser, but despite carving out a number of decent chances (and a penalty kick which David Dunn missed) they failed to find a way past Tim Krul.

Steve Kean’s men continued to press after the break with sub Mauro Formica firing into the side netting when he really should have done better. Then, at the death, former Manchester United flop Gabriel Obertan  made sure of the victory for Newcastle with a clinical finish.

While Newcastle move up to fifth, Rovers stay stuck in the danger zone.

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Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

By Alan Duffy

Brighton & Hove Albion 1-0 Newcastle United – FA Cup – 29th January 2012

Oh how Newcastle boss Alan Pardew must be counting down the hours ’til his double dose of Dembas, Ba and Papiss Cisse, return to the north-east of England. Without his African assassins, Pardew’s Magpies struggled to break down a hard-working and disciplined Brighton side, with striker Leon Best guilty of a number of poor misses for the visitors.

Best’s fellow-striker Shola Ameobi didn’t fare much better in front of goal, as the Magpies dominated most of the play but just couldn’t make their possession count.

At the other end of the pitch, Brighton striker Craig Makail-Smith finally made Tim Krul work on 70 minutes, forcing the Dutchman into a fine save after a powerful strike. Newcastle’s frustration boiled over a couple of tmes in the second half, with Yohan Cabaye (on the pitch) and assistant manager Jon Carver (off the pitch) both getting involved in skirmishes.

However, with just 14 minutes left on the clock, wideman Will Buckley, who had impressed all evening, saw his shot come off Mike Williamson and divert past Krul to give the home side a superb and rather unlikely victory.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for the Magpies, but with their Senegalese strikers on the way home, things will surely get better. As for Gus Poyet’s Brighton Seagulls, the sky’s the limit… or at least the fifth round of the Cup is.

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Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

By Alan Duffy

Hatem Ben Arfa, the Magpies’ diminutive young winger is to be sued by rapper and fellow countryman Abd Al Malik after the French international claimed that, many moons ago, the musician had led him into an Islamic sect.

Ben Arfa had told L’Equipe newspaper that Al Malik was instrumental in forcing the-then troubled teenager into Sufism, a branch of Islam which the footballer claims almost destroyed his life.

The Newcastle man, who has struggled to secure a regular starting berth with the Magpies, said:

“I was in a bad way, and seeking well-being. I read a lot of books about Sufism, and the good things about it attracted me. As Abd Al Malik was interested in it, I contacted him, and I soon got involved.

“He and his manager indoctrinated me, at a time when I was very vulnerable. They placed their sheikh on a pedestal. They kept on telling me that everyone who went against Sufism was an enemy. They conditioned me, and at one stage I wanted to follow them.

“I had an idealistic view of religion at the time. They virtually cut me off from the rest of the world. I was part of a movement with a spiritual leader – a sheikh. When I went into the prayer hall I had to kiss his feet – it was compulsory.”

However, following the publication of Ben Arfa’s claims, Al Malik’s lawyer is filing a complaint.

How football has changed, eh. You’d never have seen Micky Quinn getting sucked into a religious cult, would you? Sucked into a snooker hall or a burger bar, yes. But never a sect.

                          

By Chris Wright

This is, quite simply, the most confusing and harrowing thing I’ve ever seen on the internet…

‘Thanks’ (in the loosest possible terms) to Pies fan Luther for the tip-off.

                          

By Chris Wright

First things first: Sincere apologies for that god-awful pun. I tried to rise above it, and failed. Miserably.

Anyway, Newcastle inflicted defeat upon Mark Hughes in his first game in charge of QPR, with a neat solo effort from Demba Ba’s deputy Leon Best proving to be the difference between the two sides at the Sports Direct 80% Off Insane Spring Sale Arena.

The match also saw QPR ‘enforcer’/Luddite Shaun Derry attempt to squish Yohan Cabaye’s ankles into potted meat with a nasty OTT challenge. Cabaye leapt up and managed to stay vertical just long enough to yell furious obscenities at Derry, before returning to horizontal mode and getting carried off on a stretcher.’No lasting damage’ is the latest update on that front.

Also, I didn’t watch the match myself, but apparently co-commentator Ray Wilkins was in a right old funk all game long for some reason, especially regarding the Derry/Cabaye incident. Can anyone shed any light?

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

By Chris Wright

It’s already been well and truly scotched by his agent, but the heftiest kernel of transfer tripe this morning was a rumour appearing in the Times, The Sun and the Daily Mail that Newcastle were willing to stump up between £10-£15 million to bring Andy Carroll back to Byker Grove and that Liverpool may be tempted into cutting their loses on their £35 million lump.

On first glance, it’s the kind of spurious tittle-tattle that manifests on a daily basis in the footballing gossip columns, but the fact that The Times – who don’t usually indulge in such frivolity quite so readily – ran the story on their back page lends a shred of validity to the reports. On the other hand, it is a bit of a slow news day.

For the record, The Sun and Mail are claiming that Liverpool offered Carroll back to his former employers for £20 million, with Newcastle only willing to go as high as £10 million.

Liverpool have insisted that ‘no formal talks have taken place’ while Carroll’s agent, Mark Custis, has been quick to vow that there is ‘no truth’ in the rumours – though there appears to be a nagging doubt among the press circles that wheels may have been set in motion.

Carroll’s a handful, but he’s a headerer not a footerer

With two goal this season and just four in total for Liverpool since joining last January, it’s become quite obvious Carroll doesn’t fit the bill at Anfield. A big, hairy 6’3″ lummox of a battering ram that feasts on salvos slung into the penalty area is never a dainty, intricate link man going to make. There’s a reasonable argument that things may pick up once Steven Gerrard and his exemplary delivery make a full return to the first-string but who knows how long that’s going to last considering his twang-happy groins.

Carroll’s wages will also undoubtedly be a divisive issue. He quadrupled his weekly takings up to £80-odd grand after moving to Merseyside. There’s absolutely no chance Newcastle will be willing to match that kind of money given their recent cost-cutting jumble sale. It’s the kind of discrepancy that can and probably will shoot any transfer full of holes before it even begins to gather momentum.

Granted. There’s an overwhelming chance that it won’t come to anything, but if Liverpool really are ready to jettison their wares back from whence they came, I’d wager that they’d be wise to push it through sooner rather than later as – mirroring the situation 12 months ago – they’ll be faced with the unenviable task of finding an adequate replacement for their departing No. 9 before the sand in the Boggle timer of fate (or the ‘transfer window’ to give it it’s Latin name) run out.

What do you say folks? Could you blame Liverpool for flogging Carroll at a fraction of the purchase price? Can you see him slunking back to Toon with his ponytail between his legs?

                          

By Chris Wright

Time to squeeze in another belated and bloomin’ astonishing wonder goal from the FA Cup third round on Saturday, namely Newcastle winger Hatem Ben Arfa’s meandering solo effort against Blackburn – a goal Toon boss Alan Pardew has since branded ‘the greatest ever scored’…

Nice, undoubtedly, but the ‘greatest goal ever scored’? Back in your box Pards.