Little Michael Owen is prepared to defy club manager Sam Allardyce by passing himself fit, against the Newcastle medical team’s advice, for England’s Euro 2008 qualifier against Estonia this Saturday. Big Sam, understandably, is unhappy with Owen’s country-above-club stance: ‘I don’t know whether two games in such a short space of time is right,’ the [...]

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.

Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce is eager to be reunited with his former Bolton keeper Jussi Jaaskelainen. Although the Finn is a decent keeper, goalkeeping is one area of the team where the Magpies are already blessed.

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.

With the boy made from glass, Michael Owen, seeing a specialist about his brittle bones, the Newcastle United striker going to miss England’s crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia next month. It’s a damn shame as he looked like he might be returning to form with some decent goals in recent weeks…

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.

Poor Michael Owen has suffered more cruel injuries than a nymphomaniac hedgehog in recent times. So his electric form for England must have brought a smile to every face in Newcastle, who have still yet to see him at his best in a stripy shirt.
But is a fit Owen really too good to be true Geordies? Tragically there’s still three whole days to get through before your game against Derby, here’s what we think will probably go wrong in that time…

Photo Getty Images
He’s still got it! When Little Michael Owen tucked the ball under the body of Barnsely’s keeper and into the net, it was the first time he’d scored in a competitive game since December 2005, some 20 months ago. The finish was a bit scuffed, but still, Owen thrives on goals, and this is welcome news both for Newcastle and England.

Newcastle’s new third kit (we will skip over the issue of why a club that barely gets any wear out of its away kit would want a third kit!) is perfect for the shorter gentleman. As you can see from this photoshoot, the Argentina-esque strip can elongate even the teeny-tiniest of footballers.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

But, the pick of the bunch so far has to be Obafemi Martin’s overhead kick for Newcastle against Bolton last Saturday. The Nigerian pocket rocket chested up a James Milner cross before unleashing a spectacular bicycle kick from close range – and judging from Geremi’s face in this picture, even his team mates were astonished.

Cheeky chappy Craig Bellamy just can’t hold his tongue. Here he is signing autographs for West Ham fans when one asks for his thoughts on Kieron Dyer (who at this stage is on the verge of a move to Upton Park). Craig the populist takes over Craig the professional, and can’t resist splurting out: “He’s like Reo-Coker, except he can play.”

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Manchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

Trading Standards officials have seized a number of Alan Shearer £20 notes from a car boot sale. Cash featuring the mugs of Mark Viduka, Nolberto Solano, Michael Owen, Steven Taylor and Kieron Dyer instead of the Queen were also taken from the sale at Blaydon Rugby Ground in Gateshead.

Newcastle gaffer Sam Allardyce has revealed that Kieron Dyer’s move to West Ham collapsed after the Hammers refused to pay…

1 The annual ‘will this be Liverpool’s year?’ discussions. It never is and this year is no exception.
2 Every pundit predicts that the three promoted teams will go straight back down. It hasn’t happened since 1998.
3 Alan Hansen maxes out his quote of Liverpool players/old boys for his Telegraph fantasy football team.

Finish drinking your tea. You don’t want to spit it everywhere when you hear some really shocking news. You’ll never guess. Joey Barton has been charged with assault after an alleged training ground bust-up with a former team-mate. *faints*

Big Sam has accused Italy goalkeeper, Gianluigi Buffon, of common assault for a challenge that almost knocked out rookie, Andy Carroll, during yesterday’s ‘friendly’ against Juventus.

In the same way that overweight comedian Peter Kay looks like John O’Shea we think that another out of condition comic and 8 Out of Ten Cats presenter, Jason Manford, looks like a larger than life Michael Owen.

Former England internationals Warren Barton and Rob Lee have been arrested on suspicion of taking a luxury limousine and driving it while unfit. The ex-Newcastle pair were arrested at around 11.30pm last night before being released on bail. Barton, 38, and Lee, 41, allegedly took the Mercedes E220 from a street in east London.

Apparently, Kieran Dyer’s likely move away from Newcastle hasn’t got anything to do with a better contract or his testing relationship with the fans – it’s about ‘family problems’.

Konami has announced it has secured the services of Michael Owen, who will now appear on the packaging of Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 (I am, although as an Xbox owner I was very, very disappointed with the latest Pro Evo; hopefully the new one will be a lot better).

With Fergie refusing Liverpool’s £6.8m bid for Gabriel Heinze and claiming United would ‘never’ sell to their bitterest rivals, we take a look at a few transfers that have taken place between clubs with a history of hatred.

Michael Owen’s knee could become embroiled in the diplomatic row between England and Russia over the extradition of a Russian spy for the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko. With the two countries currently enjoying a game of pass-the-diplomat, it seems those crafty Russians might have the upper hand.

Mystic Pies strikes again. The minute we start joking around about seeing Kieron Dyer move to West Ham for a reunion of the St James’s Park Amateur Boxing Club, and Alan Curbishley makes it be known that he is interested in completing the whole set of ex-Newcastle bad boys. Curbs is desperate for a replacement for unspeakably stupid £6 million winger Julien Faubert who is out for six months with a ruptured achilles tendon.