Boo, life’s not fair Happier days for West Brom’s skipper 1. Jonathan Greening (West Bromwich Albion) West Brom’s bearded captain, who never quite made the grade at Man Utd, has been the driving force for his team this season. His mental strength is admirable (his head rarely drops), and he can play a bit too. [...]

Fergie set to play reserve team against Hull A couple of points to scare Newcastle fans ahead of this weekend’s crunch relegation battle: 1) Sir Alex Ferguson is mates with Phil Brown, Hull’s boss. Hull play Man Utd in their final game. 2) With the Champions League Final on 27 May, and the league title [...]

The tabloids claim that Joey Barton had a huge bust-up with Alan Shearer after Newcastle’s 3-0 defeat at Anfield on Sunday. Barton was sent off for a mindless tackle (not the first time I’ve started a sentence in that way) on Xabi Alonso, prompting Shearer to break out the hairdryer after the match. Barton wasn’t having any of it though.

Man Utd play Boro this lunchtime, but it won’t be a full-strength United who run out at the Riverside. Alex Ferguson has said he will rotate his squad, so one of Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney will be absent from the starting XI, possibly both. Kiko Macheda might start in Ronaldo’s place, for example.

Perm + big nose = twins

Monday’s football brunch Steven Gerrard enjoys some groin love [The Spoiler] Man City boss Mark Hughes furious after Thaskin Shinawatra tries to sell Vedran Corluka and Stephen Ireland behind his back [Mirror] Arsene Wenger will be without injured Abou Diaby (thigh strain) for at least the first month of the season [Mail] Video highlights from [...]

Fab Horror Hair stylings from the curly Argentine

I just called to say… those sunglasses went out of fashion in about 1990

Friday’s fattiest scraps from the table we call “football” Wayne Rooney questioned by police after allegedly spitting at a paparazzo [Mirror] Lucky Steve McLaren, eh – his FC Twente team drew Arsenal in the Champions League. Check out the full draw over at the BBC Boris Johnson spotted shopping for Arsenal merchandise. He also signed [...]

Newcastle’s latest French centre-back…

Today’s news, rumours & morsels Top five hottest women in the USA national team [Save the intern] Ex-con Joey Barton loses lucrative Nike boot deal [The Sun] David Bentley set for White Hart Lane medical after Spurs increase bid to £15m. [Telegraph] Aston Villa’s attempts to compete with the salary Gareth Barry would receive if [...]

Shiny new players, in shiny new kits Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Newcastle are fools to stand by Barton Joey Barton is a dick, a yob, a violent criminal, a nasty piece of work… whatever, he’s the sort of Neanderthal you look to avoid on a Friday night out, because you know he has a short fuse. Kevin Keegan has given him a second chance, but how many [...]

Pies tries its hand at a spot of simplistic poetry

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good [...]

Acquaint yourself with Spiderman

Name Jonas Gutierrez
Age 24 (25 on Saturday)
Nationality Argentinian
Club history Vélez Sársfield, Real Mallorca, Newcastle United (current)

Position Winger

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

This is the shocking CCTV footage which saw Newcastle’s Joey Barton locked up for six months. It was released by police after Barton admitted that he also assaulted ex-Manchester City team-mate Ousmane Dabo during a training ground incident. He will be sentenced for that offence later today. Do you think Newcastle can continue to stand by Barton?

For extensive use during all those kit clashes with West Brom and, erm…

Just a few of the many rumours filling up today’s back pages 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal The 21-year-old French playmaker is expected to join the Gunners at some stage in the next week, although his agent Jean-Pierre Bernes insisted last night the reports on the midfielder’s site of a done deal were “premature”. The [...]

Meg loves Mig 4eva?

1. Miguel Veloso to Bolton
Gary Megson is hoping to jump the queue to sign Manchester United target Veloso. The Sporting Lisbon midfielder would cost £16 million. [The Sun]

Newcastle star faces several months in prison Bad boy Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months for assault and affray. The 25-year-old troublemaker was arrested in Liverpool on 27 December 2007 after he was involved in a confrontation outside a McDonald’s restaurant. The judge told the Newcastle star that it was a “violent and [...]

Six rumours, but which is most likely to materialise?

1. Wayne Bridge to Juventus
Claudio Ranieri is eager to sign Wayne Bridge for the second time in his career to rescue him from playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. The Turin giants will battle a host of English clubs for Bridge’s signature and have made an official approach to Chelsea. [Daily Mail]

Monday’s most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto’o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the Cameroon international – that’s £8m more than the Italian sides are prepared to pay. [Epping [...]

In 1990, Newcastle circumnavigated the traditional ‘should we have thin stripes or thick stripes’ debate by having both. The Toon Army still get fun poked at them for being walking barcodes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this particular kit did actually scan in the supermarket. Umbro served up this avant-garde disaster. It should have been the thick stripes all the way if you ask me!