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Who ate all the pies

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Newcastle Utd

Newcastle United: All the latest Newcastle United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Just a few of the many rumours filling up today’s back pages 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal The 21-year-old French playmaker is expected to join the Gunners at some stage in the next week, although his agent Jean-Pierre Bernes insisted last night the reports on the midfielder’s site of a done deal were “premature”. The […]

Meg loves Mig 4eva?

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1. Miguel Veloso to Bolton
Gary Megson is hoping to jump the queue to sign Manchester United target Veloso. The Sporting Lisbon midfielder would cost £16 million. [The Sun]

Newcastle star faces several months in prison Bad boy Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months for assault and affray. The 25-year-old troublemaker was arrested in Liverpool on 27 December 2007 after he was involved in a confrontation outside a McDonald’s restaurant. The judge told the Newcastle star that it was a “violent and […]

Six rumours, but which is most likely to materialise?

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1. Wayne Bridge to Juventus
Claudio Ranieri is eager to sign Wayne Bridge for the second time in his career to rescue him from playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. The Turin giants will battle a host of English clubs for Bridge’s signature and have made an official approach to Chelsea. [Daily Mail]

Monday’s most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto’o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the Cameroon international – that’s £8m more than the Italian sides are prepared to pay. [Epping […]

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In 1990, Newcastle circumnavigated the traditional ‘should we have thin stripes or thick stripes’ debate by having both. The Toon Army still get fun poked at them for being walking barcodes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this particular kit did actually scan in the supermarket. Umbro served up this avant-garde disaster. It should have been the thick stripes all the way if you ask me!

Vote on which one is most likely to happen… 1. Peter Crouch to Villareal Will Crouchinho (pictured) be playing in all-yellow next season? Perhaps, if Villareal can find £15m for the English beanpole. [KopTV] 2. David Bentley to Spurs Juande Ramos is keen on bringing Blackburn’s English star to White Hart Lane, for £15m [The […]

Today’s tastiest Premier League morsels • Didier Drogba says he and Chelsea team-mate John Terry will be fit for the Champions League final against Manchester United in Moscow. Both were injured in Sunday’s 1-1 draw with Bolton, with Drogba hurting his knee and Terry dislocating his elbow. [BBC] • Blackburn star David Bentley is convinced […]

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano […]

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Liverpool turn down a £25 million offer from Inter Milan for Steven Gerrard. His form normally gets a real boost from rumours like this… or not. [The Sun]

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When we told you about Kevin Keegan’s love affair with Alan Curbishley the other day, we thought King Kev only had eyes for one man. Not so. A hilarious post over at The Spoiler proves that KK has a bit of a fetish for touching faces. Yes, opposition managers beware – Keegan is on the prowl and he can’t wait to get his mitts on your cheeks. See Keegan’s gallery of gropes after the jump.

What’s this? Is Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels In Love? It sure looks that way as he grasps Alan Curbishley by the head and looks longingly into his eyes. I’m not sure Curbs is quite up for it as much, but he looks pleasantly surprised by the offer.

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Good old Kevin Keegan has got Newcastle playing exciting football once again and the fans who feared they were set for a relegation scrap are enjoying the no frills football of mid-table obscurity. But judging by some of the rumours knocking around, Keegan is keen to kick-on and move the Magpies further up the table.

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Tactical genius Kevin Keegan has come across a brilliant plan to improve Newcastle’s prospects. KK has simply stuck his club’s three star strikers up front and the Magpies have instantly transformed from relegation strugglers to free-scoring mid-table coasters. Obafemi Martins, Michael Owen and Mark Viduka each bagged a goal in a 3-0 win over Reading, which followed last week’s 1-4 win at Tottenham.

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Sadly this photograph doesn’t quite do justice to Obafemi Martins’ gravity-defying new hairdo. The Newcastle United striker has developed some pretty impressive spikes that would risk puncturing the ball if the Magpies ever got any decent crosses into him!

This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

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As the old saying goes, when you are in danger of leading a top ten Premier League team to relegation simply hit the catwalk. Well, that is the plan of Kevin Keegan at least. KK and some of his squad took part in a charity fashion show at St James’s Park last night. The event was organised by Shay Given and his wife to raise money for cancer charities. Former Brut boy Keegan was in his prime as he took to the catwalk in a leather jacket.

HEROES
Benjani Mwaruwari Scoring the winning goal in the Manchester derby is not a bad debut in anyone’s books, even if you are only there for the money!

Some of the most interesting football stories doing the rounds today: 1. Korean players are deliberately dislocating their own shoulders to avoid national service. Ouch. The Offside 2. Sepp Blatter wants a vote on quotas for home-grown players to take place in May. Under Blatter’s proposal, club sides would be forced to field a minimum […]

Thanks Rusty, for doing what many fans would like to do to the obnoxious Dyer. I love how the hirsute Turkish keeper follows up his near-decapitation of Dyer with almost the same move on the ball.

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

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Spotted on 101GreatGoals.

Joey Barton is free to play for Newcastle after his bail conditions were changed. Barton was charged with assault and affray last month, and ordered by a judge to live in Hampshire and return home every day by 7.30pm. However, he’s now been allowed to move to Newcastle and given a later time to report […]

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Kevin Keegan has provided some of football’s greatest quotes over the years with his own unique brand of gibberish. He has announced his return to management not with three points (yet), but with a fresh installment of undecipherable waffle.