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Who ate all the pies

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Newcastle Utd

Newcastle United: All the latest Newcastle United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

Today’s tastiest Premier League morsels • Didier Drogba says he and Chelsea team-mate John Terry will be fit for the Champions League final against Manchester United in Moscow. Both were injured in Sunday’s 1-1 draw with Bolton, with Drogba hurting his knee and Terry dislocating his elbow. [BBC] • Blackburn star David Bentley is convinced […]

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano […]

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Liverpool turn down a £25 million offer from Inter Milan for Steven Gerrard. His form normally gets a real boost from rumours like this… or not. [The Sun]

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When we told you about Kevin Keegan’s love affair with Alan Curbishley the other day, we thought King Kev only had eyes for one man. Not so. A hilarious post over at The Spoiler proves that KK has a bit of a fetish for touching faces. Yes, opposition managers beware – Keegan is on the prowl and he can’t wait to get his mitts on your cheeks. See Keegan’s gallery of gropes after the jump.

What’s this? Is Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels In Love? It sure looks that way as he grasps Alan Curbishley by the head and looks longingly into his eyes. I’m not sure Curbs is quite up for it as much, but he looks pleasantly surprised by the offer.

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Good old Kevin Keegan has got Newcastle playing exciting football once again and the fans who feared they were set for a relegation scrap are enjoying the no frills football of mid-table obscurity. But judging by some of the rumours knocking around, Keegan is keen to kick-on and move the Magpies further up the table.

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Tactical genius Kevin Keegan has come across a brilliant plan to improve Newcastle’s prospects. KK has simply stuck his club’s three star strikers up front and the Magpies have instantly transformed from relegation strugglers to free-scoring mid-table coasters. Obafemi Martins, Michael Owen and Mark Viduka each bagged a goal in a 3-0 win over Reading, which followed last week’s 1-4 win at Tottenham.

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Sadly this photograph doesn’t quite do justice to Obafemi Martins’ gravity-defying new hairdo. The Newcastle United striker has developed some pretty impressive spikes that would risk puncturing the ball if the Magpies ever got any decent crosses into him!

This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

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As the old saying goes, when you are in danger of leading a top ten Premier League team to relegation simply hit the catwalk. Well, that is the plan of Kevin Keegan at least. KK and some of his squad took part in a charity fashion show at St James’s Park last night. The event was organised by Shay Given and his wife to raise money for cancer charities. Former Brut boy Keegan was in his prime as he took to the catwalk in a leather jacket.

HEROES
Benjani Mwaruwari Scoring the winning goal in the Manchester derby is not a bad debut in anyone’s books, even if you are only there for the money!

Some of the most interesting football stories doing the rounds today: 1. Korean players are deliberately dislocating their own shoulders to avoid national service. Ouch. The Offside 2. Sepp Blatter wants a vote on quotas for home-grown players to take place in May. Under Blatter’s proposal, club sides would be forced to field a minimum […]

Thanks Rusty, for doing what many fans would like to do to the obnoxious Dyer. I love how the hirsute Turkish keeper follows up his near-decapitation of Dyer with almost the same move on the ball.

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

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Spotted on 101GreatGoals.

Joey Barton is free to play for Newcastle after his bail conditions were changed. Barton was charged with assault and affray last month, and ordered by a judge to live in Hampshire and return home every day by 7.30pm. However, he’s now been allowed to move to Newcastle and given a later time to report […]

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Kevin Keegan has provided some of football’s greatest quotes over the years with his own unique brand of gibberish. He has announced his return to management not with three points (yet), but with a fresh installment of undecipherable waffle.

Newcastle United have wasted no time in racing a range of Kevin Keegan into the club shop, including this harmless looking flag. Dig a little deeper though, Pies fans. This is a success-starved club which has sacked a string of managers for failing to win silverware having a joke at the expense at the man they have just appointed to end their trophyless spell. And the joke in question is based around the fact that last time he was close to winning silverware with them he bottled it and cracked up. That’s post-modern, man!
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The Daily Balls

January 24th, 2008

This morning’s five hottest football stories, rumours and lies: 1. Middlesbrough are happy to sell injury-prone Jonathan Woodgate to Newcastle Utd or Spurs. ‘Boro will want to recoup the £7m they paid to Real Madrid though. Independent 2. Arsene Wenger has been on the phone, offering Theo Walcott to any Premier League club that can […]

Has a ball ever been struck more sweetly? Perhaps not. Big Al’s greatest goal in a black-and-white shirt (and there are a few to choose from). More wonder goals

A Newcastle fan’s eye view of Kevin Keegan’s second coming, before the start of the anticlimactic 0-0 draw with Bolton. Sam Allardyce never got a reception like that.

This morning’s five hottest soccer scoops & rumours… 1. Sven-Goran Eriksson wants to bring Bayern Munich starlet Lukas Podolski (pictured) to Man City. Not gonna happen, Sven. F365 2. Tom Hicks has no intention of selling his stake in his beloved Liverpool. BBC 3. Alex Ferguson in hot water with FA over ‘gestures’ to Reading […]

These are players that I think Newcastle & Keegan have a realistic chance of signing and who would improve the NUFC squad – rather than cloud-cuckooland signings like Kaka or Lionel Messi, which, let’s be honest, aren’t going to happen.
400x400_MichaelCarrickNew.jpg1. Michael Carrick (Man Utd)
Carrick was born in the north-east and I imagine he would be warmly welcomed by Newcastle fans. He is also talented enough to be the midfield conductor of King Kev’s new, attack-minded team. Carrick hasn’t been an unqualified success at Old Trafford, and could leave for the right price. He and Newcastle would make a good fit.

KK has snapped up a big targetman to bag him some goals. Howay The Monster!