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Who ate all the pies

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Newcastle Utd

Newcastle United: All the latest Newcastle United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

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The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

Beef-cake in ‘short shorts’ alert! (Control yourself ladies, Kevin is a happily married man.) I can’t really think of anything else to say about this tremendously homoerotic picture. Don’t stare at it too long, that’s my only advice. God, I tell you what – I absolutely ‘love it’ that King Keggy is back in the […]

Clash of the white afros alert! You just don’t see players with this much hair today, which is a shame – Rio Ferdinand sported the look in pre-season a couple of years ago, but he didn’t have the balls to keep it for the real season. Breitner (he’s the one with the scary wolfman beard) […]

We all remember Kevin Keegan’s after school endeavours don’t we? His disastrous appearance on Superstars, his ‘hit’ single ‘Head Over Heels’ and of course, doing ads for Brut aftershave. Well, King Kev also did a public service advert for crossing the road with safety. Well, watch it again… with disastrous results once more. That jacket/hair […]

For all the entertaining football, promotions and close run title races, the defining moment of Kevin Keegan’s first reign as Newcastle United boss was arguably this blubbering moan about Alex Ferguson.

Well, Pies will be featuring a lot of Kevin Keegan-related stuff this week, in light of the extraordinary news that King Kev has been appointed Newcastle United manager, for the second time in his career. I confess that I didn’t see that coming, even when Sky Sports News was running it as their main ‘story’ […]

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Yowza! Big news. HRH King Kevin Keegan is returning to Newcastle United to manage the club for the second time. The 56-year-old has been confirmed as Sam Allardyce’s replacement at St James’ Park. Keegan said on Monday: “I’m not ruling myself out or in. It’s a club I love, everyone knows that.”

This golden oldie (the video, not King Kev) is particularly topical given that two-thirds of those featured are currently being touted as Newcastle United’s new manager. So pick the Toon’s new gaffer from the hair on offer here. Yes, apparently you could still get away with an advert this cheesey in the 1990s!

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The perfect manager for Newcastle? It’s not Alan Shearer (no experience) or Kevin Keegan (a ghost from the past), but Jose Mourinho.

1214051.jpgI have Sky Sports News on in the background, and all I can hear is the anchor reading out excited emails/texts from Newcastle fans who are creaming themselves simply because Kevin Keegan hasn’t ruled himself out of the Newcastle manager’s job (having had a microphone/TV camera thrust in his face). The general gist of most of these messages is: ‘Come on Mike Ashley, give us the dream team of Keegan and Shearer, two Toon legends! Howay the lads!’

Harry Redknapp is the bookies’ favourite to replace Sam Allardyce at Newcastle, although he’s said he’s happy at Portsmouth (he hasn’t ruled himself out though…). Alan Shearer has also been tipped to take the hot seat, but he’d prefer to be a pundit for the BBC. Vote below for your choice: online surveys – Take […]

50807960.jpgWell, Newcastle fans, you got what you wanted. Happy now? You effectively forced Sam Allardyce out of your club, without ever giving him a decent chance to show what he could do (as your Mackem rivals have generously done to Roy Keane, who has kept his job despite a string of dismal results). Another fine mess.

Simply unstoppable. Five Shay Givens wouldn’t have kept it out.

Hereford’s win over Newcastle is arguably the greatest FA Cup third round giantkilling act, and certainly one of the most famous. Having taken Newcastle to a replay with a 2-2 draw at St James’s Park, Southern League outfit Hereford went 0-1 down to a Malcolm Macdonald goal in the 82nd minute. Just three minutes later, Ronnie Radford’s superb 30-yard strike took the match to extra time. Hereford confirmed their place in FA Cup folklore when Ricky George fired home in the first-half of extra-time.

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Sam Allardyce is probably one more home defeat away from losing his job as Newcastle manager. After his side’s 2-0 defeat to Man City at St James’ Park last night, a beleaguered Allardyce said: ‘A team like Newcastle should not lose three on a trot and it is a low moment.’
(No team is immune from three straight defeats, particularly not a Newcastle team that is blatantly low on confidence.)

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If you answered no then you obviously didn’t see BBC’s Inside Sport last night. If you answered yes then please form an orderly queue. Self-centred doesn’t cover it. Gabby Logan could have asked him what he had for breakfast and the answer would have been along the lines of: “Well, when you’re me there is no point saying what you have had for breakfast because people have already made there minds up what food I eat.”

Horror Hair: Alan Smith

December 3rd, 2007

What’s all this about then? It was one thing for Big Sam Allardyce to insist on playing a striker in midfield, but now he appears to have taken to playing a porcupine in midfield. Alan Smith has rekindled his love affair with peroxide. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough left in his last bottle to do a full head of hair.

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Billy Davies is the sixth Premier League manager to leave his club this season – there’s a Pies pat on the back if you can guess the others? But, it could be unlucky seven before Christmas with these two hanging from tenterhooks – Rafa’s upset the owners while Sam isn’t the fans’ favourite.

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Football’s least favourite bad boy, Joey Barton, is back in hot water after attempting to castrate Dickson Etuhu during the North East derby between Sunderland and Newcastle at the weekend.

Now it’s time to take the gloves off by asking you to decide who’s the hardest between two heavyweight managers that you wouldn’t want to meet down a dark training ground – it’s one North East derby that would guarntee claret being spilt.

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With Chelsea struggling to keep their stars happy while they supposedly attempt to change their style of play with an unproven manager, there’s a chance that another club could make it into the Big Four.

Little Michael Owen is prepared to defy club manager Sam Allardyce by passing himself fit, against the Newcastle medical team’s advice, for England’s Euro 2008 qualifier against Estonia this Saturday. Big Sam, understandably, is unhappy with Owen’s country-above-club stance: ‘I don’t know whether two games in such a short space of time is right,’ the […]

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.
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