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Who ate all the pies

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Newcastle Utd

Newcastle United: All the latest Newcastle United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

HEROES
Benjani Mwaruwari Scoring the winning goal in the Manchester derby is not a bad debut in anyone’s books, even if you are only there for the money!

Some of the most interesting football stories doing the rounds today: 1. Korean players are deliberately dislocating their own shoulders to avoid national service. Ouch. The Offside 2. Sepp Blatter wants a vote on quotas for home-grown players to take place in May. Under Blatter’s proposal, club sides would be forced to field a minimum […]

Thanks Rusty, for doing what many fans would like to do to the obnoxious Dyer. I love how the hirsute Turkish keeper follows up his near-decapitation of Dyer with almost the same move on the ball.

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

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Spotted on 101GreatGoals.

Joey Barton is free to play for Newcastle after his bail conditions were changed. Barton was charged with assault and affray last month, and ordered by a judge to live in Hampshire and return home every day by 7.30pm. However, he’s now been allowed to move to Newcastle and given a later time to report […]

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Kevin Keegan has provided some of football’s greatest quotes over the years with his own unique brand of gibberish. He has announced his return to management not with three points (yet), but with a fresh installment of undecipherable waffle.

Newcastle United have wasted no time in racing a range of Kevin Keegan into the club shop, including this harmless looking flag. Dig a little deeper though, Pies fans. This is a success-starved club which has sacked a string of managers for failing to win silverware having a joke at the expense at the man they have just appointed to end their trophyless spell. And the joke in question is based around the fact that last time he was close to winning silverware with them he bottled it and cracked up. That’s post-modern, man!
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The Daily Balls

January 24th, 2008

This morning’s five hottest football stories, rumours and lies: 1. Middlesbrough are happy to sell injury-prone Jonathan Woodgate to Newcastle Utd or Spurs. ‘Boro will want to recoup the £7m they paid to Real Madrid though. Independent 2. Arsene Wenger has been on the phone, offering Theo Walcott to any Premier League club that can […]

Has a ball ever been struck more sweetly? Perhaps not. Big Al’s greatest goal in a black-and-white shirt (and there are a few to choose from). More wonder goals

A Newcastle fan’s eye view of Kevin Keegan’s second coming, before the start of the anticlimactic 0-0 draw with Bolton. Sam Allardyce never got a reception like that.

This morning’s five hottest soccer scoops & rumours… 1. Sven-Goran Eriksson wants to bring Bayern Munich starlet Lukas Podolski (pictured) to Man City. Not gonna happen, Sven. F365 2. Tom Hicks has no intention of selling his stake in his beloved Liverpool. BBC 3. Alex Ferguson in hot water with FA over ‘gestures’ to Reading […]

These are players that I think Newcastle & Keegan have a realistic chance of signing and who would improve the NUFC squad – rather than cloud-cuckooland signings like Kaka or Lionel Messi, which, let’s be honest, aren’t going to happen.
400x400_MichaelCarrickNew.jpg1. Michael Carrick (Man Utd)
Carrick was born in the north-east and I imagine he would be warmly welcomed by Newcastle fans. He is also talented enough to be the midfield conductor of King Kev’s new, attack-minded team. Carrick hasn’t been an unqualified success at Old Trafford, and could leave for the right price. He and Newcastle would make a good fit.

KK has snapped up a big targetman to bag him some goals. Howay The Monster!

The hottest five football stories doing the rounds this morning… 1. Kevin Keegan to be unveiled at St James’ Park today, but not in front of the Toon Army. BBC Sport 2. Rio Ferdinand: ‘I’d love to be England captain, innit. I’d merk that job.’ Sky Sports 3. Shaun Wright-Phillips and Jermain Defoe issue ‘come […]

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The rumours have already started about which players Kevin Keegan will splash Mike Ashley’s millions on. Here are 11 reminders of why Mr Ashley might like to keep an eye on the purse strings.

Beef-cake in ‘short shorts’ alert! (Control yourself ladies, Kevin is a happily married man.) I can’t really think of anything else to say about this tremendously homoerotic picture. Don’t stare at it too long, that’s my only advice. God, I tell you what – I absolutely ‘love it’ that King Keggy is back in the […]

Clash of the white afros alert! You just don’t see players with this much hair today, which is a shame – Rio Ferdinand sported the look in pre-season a couple of years ago, but he didn’t have the balls to keep it for the real season. Breitner (he’s the one with the scary wolfman beard) […]

We all remember Kevin Keegan’s after school endeavours don’t we? His disastrous appearance on Superstars, his ‘hit’ single ‘Head Over Heels’ and of course, doing ads for Brut aftershave. Well, King Kev also did a public service advert for crossing the road with safety. Well, watch it again… with disastrous results once more. That jacket/hair […]

For all the entertaining football, promotions and close run title races, the defining moment of Kevin Keegan’s first reign as Newcastle United boss was arguably this blubbering moan about Alex Ferguson.

Well, Pies will be featuring a lot of Kevin Keegan-related stuff this week, in light of the extraordinary news that King Kev has been appointed Newcastle United manager, for the second time in his career. I confess that I didn’t see that coming, even when Sky Sports News was running it as their main ‘story’ […]

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Yowza! Big news. HRH King Kevin Keegan is returning to Newcastle United to manage the club for the second time. The 56-year-old has been confirmed as Sam Allardyce’s replacement at St James’ Park. Keegan said on Monday: “I’m not ruling myself out or in. It’s a club I love, everyone knows that.”

This golden oldie (the video, not King Kev) is particularly topical given that two-thirds of those featured are currently being touted as Newcastle United’s new manager. So pick the Toon’s new gaffer from the hair on offer here. Yes, apparently you could still get away with an advert this cheesey in the 1990s!