Who’s done the best business in the off-season? Here’s who… 10 Brad Friedel (Blackburn to Aston Villa) He’s not far off 40 years old, but Hellboy is still one of the best ‘keepers around. The rest of the list after the jump…

More pics of new boys (check out part one) Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Premier League champs beat FA Cup holders in Africa Goals by Carlos Tevez, who also missed a penalty, and Chris Eagles saw United beat Pompey in a lively encounter in Abuja. Jermain Defoe scored an 89th-minute consolation for Harry Redknapp’s team. Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Villa 1-0 Odense Great solo goal by Ashley Young to win the tie. More videos after the jump:

World’s best player flops at Free Kick Masters ESPN reported that both Lionel Messi and Ronaldinho demanded first-round byes in the Free Kick Masters, a gimmicky event held in Houston on Saturday. The free pass didn’t help either South American though – both men scored zero points in the format, which saw each player take [...]

Another day, another batch of rumours 1. Darren Fletcher & Diego Milito to Everton Man Utd’s Scottish international and Real Zaragoza’s Argentine striker are high on David Moyes’ wanted list. Andy Johnson could be sold to fund the double deal. [Liverpool Daily Post] Pies verdict I doubt Fergie will sell Fletcher, but there’s a good [...]

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Today’s hottest football gossip, brought to you by the number nine 1. Richard Dunne to Portsmouth Man City’s captain is in the final year of his contract, and Portsmouth are very keen to tempt the player to south, according to the Manchester Evening News. Dunne is currently on holiday but other reports suggest that he [...]

Pompey defender, putting the loon into pantaloons Here’s Sol in holiday mode, strolling along the French Riviera with his WAG Fiona Barratt, an interior designer to the stars. The white t-shirt is fine, the sandals are fine, the gold chain is fine (just about), the trousers are… sweet holy Jesus, look at the size of [...]

AC Milan’s new signing not good enough for France, apparently France coach Raymond Domenech obviously disagrees with the judgment of Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger. Mathieu Flamini, much coveted by Wenger, has been left out of France’s 23-man squad for Euro 2008, whereas Lassana Diarra, let go by Wenger, has been included. So, a Portsmouth player [...]

Pompey keeper conceals penis behind ball Jamo took his kit off for Cosmopolitan’s naked male centrefold issue. He protected his manhood behind a football – we thank him for that. Nigel Reo-Coker and Shaun Wright-Phillips also got nekkid for the special issue. If you want to see them sans clothes, you can do so here. [...]

Pies dishes out its own gongs after the cup final, each one painstakingly handcrafted in Netto own brand kitchen foil.

The Award for the player on the winning side doing the best impression of a loser Sylvain Distin

Pompey uphold the good name of the Premier League. We have the pics Kanu gets jiggy with it – “it” being the FA Cup. Sacrilege!

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano [...]

“You are England so you have to speak English.” No wonder Lassana Diarra couldn’t wait to quit Chelsea. Just look at this relentless bullying. Apparently Geremi is Diarra’s father!

The Horror Hair afro is back, folks! Emmanuel Adebayor was featured on Pies a couple of weeks ago, and now we are showcasing the beautifully burgeoning afro of Portsmouth’s Glen Johnson.

On this evidence it is probably just as well that Jonathan Woodgate doesn’t find himself on the scoresheet too often. Just look at the face it makes him pull! As if by magic Tottenham’s housing expert is transformed into droopy-cheeked wheeler dealer Harry ‘Arry’ Redknapp.

Both strikers are playing their parts in the transfer window’s most protracted saga – Portsmouth sold Benjani to Man City to fund a deal to bring Defoe from Spurs, but it now seems that Defoe is only on loan while ‘complications’ have prevented the Zimbabwean from joining City.

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

Typically loony lookalike goodness from Chringle. More shit lookalikes (although some of them are quite good)

This morning’s five hottest soccer scoops & rumours… 1. Sven-Goran Eriksson wants to bring Bayern Munich starlet Lukas Podolski (pictured) to Man City. Not gonna happen, Sven. F365 2. Tom Hicks has no intention of selling his stake in his beloved Liverpool. BBC 3. Alex Ferguson in hot water with FA over ‘gestures’ to Reading [...]

When Pompey keeper David James was asked if he would like a feel of the ball before kick-off he decided he wanted a bit more for his money…

Sol Campbell, still a Judas to many Spurs fans after he left them for Arsenal (Gooners didn’t seem to mind so much when he left them for Portsmouth), called a Radio 4 phone-in to complain about the level of abuse he and other footballers have to put up with. ‘It’s out of hand now,’ Campbell [...]

HEROES Rob Green Saved a last-gasp penalty (pictured) to snatch a point for West Ham at Pompey. Surely Green now has to be taken seriously for England’s No.1 shirt instead of Paul Robinson? Cesc Fabregas Showed off the full extent of his freakish maturity and talent with a wonderfully authoritative performance at Anfield. Stevie G [...]