Massive thanks to Pies’ fan Nick Sincere for bringing this photo to our attention – Jose Mourinho lurking menacingly in the shadows of the underground car-park at the Camp Nou with the express intent of having ‘a little chat’ with referee Fernando Teixeira after his questionable performance during Wednesday night’s El Clasico farrago…

Pies says: “Lets see how you like arse-prints on your paintwork Fernando, there isn’t a bottle of Turtle Wax in the world that could buff out these babies!”

You say?

(According to El Mundo Deportivo, Mou actually barked: “You are now going to smoke a cigar and laugh, without any shame!” – how pithy)

                          

By Chris Wright

“Shhh!!! Don’t look at him. If we’re quiet, he may go away”

Despite leading 2-1 from the first-leg and going a further two goals ahead by half-time in the second through Pedro and Dani Alves, Barcelona still found themselves fretting at the Camp Nou as Real Madrid staged a late-ish comeback attempt that saw Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema draw Los Merengues level on the night – though it was to be in vain, as Barca eventually held out for the aggregate win that sealed them a berth in the Copa del Rey semi-finals.

Sergio Ramos had a goal struck off, Mesut Ozil sent a clanger against the bar from 30-yards, etc, etc, but Jose Mourinho still ended the night with his nine-match winless streak at the Camp Nou pristine and intact – telling reporters after the game that it was ‘impossible’ for his side to win after watching them accrue eight bookings (including two for Ramos, his 13th dismissal for the club) on Barca’s patch.

He’s such a victim, is our Jose:

“I heard my players say it was impossible to win here. I made no mistakes, we played a good game. We knew we were behind, we were motivated. We came here looking to win, but no.

“I have played [at the Camp Nou] with Chelsea, Inter and Madrid various times and this is nothing new.

“I will congratulate Barcelona for what they did at the Bernabeu last week but not for the qualification.”

Such a good sport too.

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

We’ll have a few more bits and bobs from last night’s second-leg El Clasico shenanigans over the course of the morning, but for now you’ll have to make do with this – Dani Alves’ angled, first-time, top-corner screamer to put Barca two goals up on the night and three up on aggregate…

Considering we’re talking about Dani ‘just twat it’ Alves here, that was the last place I thought the ball was going to end up.

It’s worth having another little glimpse at that celebration…

Hey Carles, enjoy your trip? LULZ

                          

Seems like the apology worked as it’s been confirmed by the Spanish FA that Real Madrid bottom-feeder Pepe won’t be punished for stamping on Lionel Messi’s hand during the most recent El Clasico tie last week – not that the Real Madrid fans themselves are quite so ready to forgive and forget.

This sign appeared during Real’s 4-1 win over Athletic Bilbao at the Bernabeu on Sunday evening, which reads ‘Pepe, my son DOESN’T want your shirt’.

Not a big hit with the old ‘parents and legal guardians’ demographic is our Pepe…

+1 for conscientiousness parenting at football matches.

Via Imgur

                          

Hallelujah! Saint Pepe has apologised for crushing Lionel Messi’s fingers on Wednesday night and guess what? He didn’t mean it, honest guv…

Here it is again in good ol’ fashioned ‘written down’ format for posterity’s sake using the PA’s translation:

“I wish to say yesterday’s incident with Leo Messi was unintentional, but I nevertheless want to apologise to him if he was offended because all I do is defend my team and this institution.

“I try and defend my team to the limit, give my heart and soul, and the thought of hurting a colleague has never entered my mind.”

To be fair, it probably never entered his mind because he is – to all intents and purposes – mindless.

Video: Liga BBVA

                          

By Chris Wright

God love GOL TV’s excitable Geordie wordsmith…

A personal highlight: ”Waaah! JUNGLE CAT!”

Video: Barca HD

                          

By Chris Wright

“I fart in your general direction!”

Eric Abidal’s second goal in over five seasons at the club saw Barcelona come from behind to snatch the victory in last night’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first-leg El Clasico in the Bernabeu.

Cristiano Ronaldo put Real Madrid one-up after ten minutes when he went off yomping down the left wing and lashed a low shot through Pinto’s legs at the near post.

Barcelona had to wait until five minutes after the interval for their equaliser, Carles Puyol thundering Xavi’s corner home with a charging diving header (shades of his goal for Spain against Germany in the World Cup semi-final last year) before, with ten or so minutes left to play, Abidal collected Lionel Messi’s rinky-dinky throughball and poked a finish past Casillas for the winner.

Bit of related trivia for you: Carles Puyol hasn’t lost in 51-straight games for Barcelona including last night’s outing. That’s 21 months without tasting defeat for the skipper. Not bad.

Oh, and in case you missed it, Pepe did this.

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

In which, during last night’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first-leg El Clasico in Madrid, Real Madrid’s in-house butcher Pepe indulged in a spot of what he loves to do the bestest – stamping on Lionel Messi’s hand as the Barca tyke sat on the turf after being barrelled over by Jose Callejon…

Not content with mashing Leo’s digits into paté, Pepe also found time to for a bit of diving on the touchline when the advances of Cesc Fabregas sent air particles crashing into his face and knocked the poor lamb clean of his feet…

Yet more proof (if more proof were needed) that Pepe is, by some considerable distance, the most despicable, detestable player in world football today.

For the record, Barcelona won 2-1 in the Bernabeu – we’ll have photos and highlights up shortly.

                          

This lo-res candid photo is doing the rounds today after being released into the wild by Barcelona’s official club photographer, one Miguel Ruiz.

It shows a distraught Lionel Messi, alongside the void Andres Iniesta and the thoroughly knackered Javier Mascherano, struggling to stave off the waterworks after Barca’s last-minute 1-0 defeat at the hands of Real Madrid in last year’s Copa Del Rey final (e.g, the one Sergio Ramos dumped under a bus)…

Aww. Bless his little cotton socks.

Speaking of Messi, despite not being on the teamsheet three hours before kick-off due to illness, the wee chap shrugged off a bout of the flu to make a 30-minute cameo against Osasuna last night. Therefore he only managed to score twice…

Image via Dirty Tackle

                          

By Chris Wright

Wanna try Pepe’s cookies? I bet they taste of animal shit.