By Chris Wright

“WAKE UP!!!”

A 12-year old girl from Crotone in Italy has been woken from a 15-day coma by the soothing voice of her idol, one Alessandro Del Piero. That’s a sentence that doesn’t tend to get used very often.

Jade fell ill and reportedly slipped into a coma while watching the goals from Juventus’ 2-0 win over Atalanta on January 22nd. Her parents then contacted Del Piero through a charity and the Juve veteran sent two messages (one audio, one video) to the hospital in Cosenza – something along the lines of the following:

“Hello Jade, is Alessandro Del Piero. I hope you’ll wake up and come back to us as soon as possible to watch many of our games.”

After the nurses played Jade the tapes on a daily basis, she eventually flinched a hand and was back in the land of the living 24 hours later. The first thing she asked for after regaining consciousness? To meet her footballing icon and saviour? Nah, our Jade wanted an ice cream!

Her father had this to say:

“This revival was wonderful. There are no words, we are overflowing with joy and gratitude for everyone: for the doctors who have worked and watched our little girl and the love [from Del Piero] that came from on high.”

The man’s a saint. Zlatan would’ve attempted to revive her with a powerful slap.

[Via @he6rt6gr6m]

                          

By Chris Wright

On the day of his 30th birthday, Genoa’s Rodrigo Palacio (he of ‘abysmal rat-tail/Jedi bog chain’ horror hair fame) scored against Lazio on Sunday with an absurdly deft, over-the-shoulder flick at the near post that lobbed over the flapping Federico Marchetti and in at the far post.

Question is, did he mean it? Have a butcher’s and see what you think…

Did he mean it? Not in a month of Sundays, the jammy so and so! For our money, you can definitely file this one away under ‘speculative near-post flick-on goes incredibly well for Señor Palacio’!

For the record, Genoa won 3-2.

(Thanks to Pies fan Greg Evans for the nudge)

                          

By Chris Wright

In which, an hour or so into Milan’s slumber-inducing goalless draw with Napoli yesterday, Almighty Zlatan provides the game’s sole ‘highlight’ by unfurling an arm around Antonio Nocerino’s shoulder in order to expertly disguise an elaborate ’round the houses’ slap to Salvatore Aronica’s face…

Unsurprisingly, Zlatan saw a straight red card and is now due to be slapped – metaphorically of course – with a three-match ban, should the Italian FA deem his black belt finger waggling to be a ‘violent gesture’.

Something tells us they probably will.

                          

By Chris Wright

It’s not often you find yourself left in the unenviable position of having to sympathise with Mark van Bommel, but during AC Milan’s 3-1 Coppa Italia victory over Lazio last night one such instance occurred.

With Lazio 2-1 down and defending a late corner, Brazilian centre-back Dias took an almighty swing at Van Bommel’s temples and caught the Milan midfielder with a cowardly blow to the side of the head that left him sprawled on the turf for a couple of minutes.

Unfortunately for the Dutchman, both officials missed the assault and, rather than a penalty and a straight red, Dias was free to scamper off without any punishment whatsoever…

Of course, it’s hard to feel sorry for Van Bommel given his entire career to date, but at least his thuggery and gamesmanship usually has a gossamer-thin footballing pretence. What Dias did was just vicious, pure and simple.

Video: 101GG

                          

By Chris Wright

He may be older than time, the universe and Joan Rivers put together, but put Alessandro Del Piero in a position that doesn’t require any feat of physical exertion of any kind and he can still produce the old magic, as the Juventus leggenda duly proved with his superb goal during the Old Lady’s 3-0 Coppa Italia win over Roma last night – his first of the season…

A trademark goal from ‘The Del Piero Zone’ if ever there was one. Long live Il Pinturicchio! Hip hip huzzah!

                          

By WAG Watcher

Footballers don’t half have it hard (nudge, nudge). Kevin-Prince Boateng has had an injury-blighted season in Serie A so far, making only 11 starts to date, and is currently a doubt for AC Milan’s Champions League tie with Arsenal next Tuesday after suffering a thigh strain last week.

The reason? Well, according to his girlfriend – stunning Italian model and television presenter (aren’t they all?) Melissa Satta – it’s because they have lots and lots of lovely sexy sex.

Satta told Vanity Fair:

“The reason why Boateng is always injured is because we have sex 7-10 times a week.

“I hate foreplay, I want to get straight to the point. My favourite position is on top so I can take control.”

Yep, KP is knackered because he suffers the ignominy of having to hump this incredibly beautiful arrangement of DNA ‘around 7 to 10 times’ a week…

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Melissa Satta

The poor lamb.

But wait! There’s more! Here’s an insightful video of the delightful Ms. Satta getting her nudey rudey parts body-painted for the Sports Illustrated spread featured in the gallery…

                          

By Chris Wright

Remember Maicon? He was the best thing since sliced mustard a few year’s back until having his innocence forcibly taken by Gareth Bale that night in Milan – at least, that’s what Tottenham fans would have you believe.

Anyway, the Brazilian full-back – whose name I haven’t heard in months and months – scored an absolute corker during Inter’s 2-1 Coppa Italia quarter-final win over Genoa last night, pinging home an absolute beauty from 25+ yards with the outside of his foot and with only trace amounts of a ‘run-up’ to speak of…

Beauty!

The game also marked the return of Wesley Sneijder to the Inter fold after a couple of months out with a shagged-out leg muscle. He played for 80 minutes, though admittedly looked a little bit rusty at times…

                          

Since signing from Palermo for a shade under £19 million back in 2008, it’s fair to say that Amauri has contributed the square root of f**k all to the Juventus cause. Barring a fairly decent goal-to-game ratio in debut season, he’s been – in Layman’s Terms – dire and, as such, has been informed by Juve that he is ‘free from any obligation vis-a-vis the club commencing from January 2012′ and ‘no longer included in the new technical programme’.

Ouch.

Desperate to get shot of the lank-haired, Brazilian-born wage-sponge, a couple of enterprising Juve fans slapped Amauri on Ebay - promising delivery within four working days, free shipping, and full-back Paolo de Ceglie thrown in to sweeten the deal.

The strange thing? Bidding reached €10 million (£8 million) before Ebay pulled the listing. Who the hell is out there labouring under the illusion that Ebay is a viable player acquisition method?

Samuel Allardyce.

                          

By Alan Duffy

You have to feel somewhat sorry for Arsenal. After doing all the hard work and topping their difficult group with a game to spare, they still manage to draw the Italian champions in the last 16 of the competition. Still, the Gunners have a decent record against Milan, knocking them out of the competition in 2008, courtesy of a 2-0 win at the San Siro.

The Gunners also thrashed Internazionale in Italy 5-1 back in the 2003 in the same competition, so despite the difficult draw, Arsene Wenger & Co. won’t fear the Italians.

AVB’s Chelsea side will face another Serie A side, Napoli, the slayers of the mighty Manchester City. The Italians currently lie fifth in the league, but blessed with the Hamsik-Cavani-Lavezzi attacking triumvirate, they will push the Blues all the way. However, the Chelsea squad is crammed full of Champions League experience, something lacking in the Azzurri’s, which may well give the Londoners the edge.

Here’s the draw in full…

Lyon (Fra) v APOEL (Cyp)

Napoli (Ita) v Chelsea (Eng)

AC Milan (Ita) v Arsenal (Eng)

Basel (Swi) v Bayern Munich (Ger)

Bayer Leverkusen (Ger) v Barcelona (Spa)

CSKA Moscow (Rus) v Real Madrid (Spa)

Zenit St Petersburg (Rus) v Benfica (Por)

Marseille (Fra) v Inter Milan (Ita)

I predict that Lyon, Chelsea, Arsenal, Bayern, Barcelona, Real, Benfica and Inter will make it through to the last eight. Does that sound about right?

                          

He’s getting pretty damn close though! In fact, he’s starting to look a bit like the carpet at my Nan’s house…

That, dear friends, is dedication to the cause!