By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Newcastle United – Premier League – 11th February 2012

Harry Redknapp’s charges gave their boss the perfect homecoming present, as they presented their exhonerated manager with a superb 5-0 win against Newcastle.

It has been some week for Redknapp, who is clear favourite to take the England job. However, after watching his side tear the Magpies apart with a superb dsplay of fluid attacking football, one wonders if the former Portsmouth boss will want to leave White Hart Lane at all.

Former Arsenal man Emmanuel Adebayor was the architect of the victory, providing four first-half assists before finally getting on the scoresheet himself after the break. New signing Louis Saha immediately clicked with his Togolese strike partner, netting twice in the first 20 minutes after Benoit Assou-Ekotto had opened the scoring on just four minutes.

Newcastle simply couldn’t live with Spurs, who knocked the ball around with precision and speed in a magnificent performance. Niko Kranjcar netted the Lilywhites’ fourth, just after the half-hour mark, while the visitors rarely threatened Brad Friedel’s goal.

After the break, Adebayor finally got on the scoresheet, courtesy of a superb swivel and volley while Demba Ba did his best to get the Magpies a consolation strike, only to be denied by Friedel on more than one occasion.

So Spurs keep the pressure on the two Manchester sides, while Alan Pardew’s Newcastle are finding out just how tough it can be at the top (or at least in the top six).

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

Presenting: The best of the morning’s memes. Ah, the internet.

1. Arry’s job application…

2. Arry’s job application (first draft)…

3. The real reason for Capello’s resignation…

4. The stand-off…

5. Arry’s Facebook page…

6. (Via OTP) FA unveil new England HQ…

Via Reddit

                          

It took a cool £8 million to get the case to this stage, where a joyful and relieved Harry Redknapp walks free from Southwark Crown Court and back to Tottenham and their title charge. Hardly a sensible use of money, but hey-ho – at least it’s all been squared away with Her Majesty…

While Arsenal fans will no doubt be crying into their free-trade cappuccinos, Sky Sports News will be breathing a quiet sigh of relief.

Redknapp is their favourite go-to-guy for a quick quote on pretty much anything, and by dodging time in the nick, he is thus once again ready to roll down his car window whenever – and I mean whenever called upon by a roving Sky reporter.

Arry’s back on the scene. Thank God for small mercies, eh? Seems like the ‘I’m well stoopid and I does sometimes write like a two-year old’ defence actually worked!

                          

By Alan Duffy

“Dn-n-n-n-dn-n-n-n-dn-n-n-n-dn-n-n-n TAXMAN!!!”

At 11.30 am today, Twitter almost burst at the seams with journos declaring that Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, along with his former Pompey boss Milan Mandaric, had been found not guilty on two charges of tax evasion.

That’s right, now ‘Arry’s left to celebrate his exoneration while, five years down the line, Portsmouth still can’t afford to pay their players regularly. Ho hum.

Interestingly, at the same time, England boss Fabio Capello was heading to The FA’s underground lair for what will no doubt be referred to as a ‘showdown meeting’ following his remarks to the Italian media that, in his eyes, John Terry was and should still be his captain.

Is there a link between the two? And if ‘Arry does eventually get the England post, is he really the best man for the job?

                          

By Chris Wright

In which the majestic, graceful, honest and British Gareth Bale is unfortunate enough to run headlong through a hotspot of intensely strong gravity caused by solar flares reflecting off the twin moons of Tatooine at Anfield on Monday night.

Poor Gareth…

It may well have looked like a pathetic dive to those too ignorant to spot the atmospheric disturbance, but I can assure you that honest, British players like Gareth would never stoop so low as to associate with such a devious practice – not like Luis Suarez, of whom it should be expected. He is a horrible foreign oik after all.

Bale, as I mentioned previously, is British.

                          

By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur – Premier League – 6th February 2012

The Premier League’s enfant terrible, Luis Suarez, made a return to action last night after serving his eight-game ban, but even the gifted Uruguayan couldn’t kickstart what was a rather flat performance from Liverpool at Anfield.

Visitors Tottenham came into the game six points behind second-place Man Utd, but failed to find the attacking spark which has served them so well this season. Instead it was their backline who produced an impressive and disciplined display.

Another man of the moment, Harry Redknapp, was absent for the game after his flight from London was cancelled due to bad weather, but the not-at-all dodgy Spurs boss missed little in the way of goalmouth action in the first-half.

Early in the second half, Gareth Bale was booked for diving for the second time this season, as the Reds started to push for a goal, with Martin Kelly going close. Dirk Kuyt made way for Suarez on 66 minutes, but the South American’s first act was to aim at kick at Scott Parker which earned the striker a yellow when he really deserved a red.

Andy Carroll then fluffed a decent opportunity to win the game for the home side although it was Bale who had the best chance of the game late on, running through on goal but failing to beat Pepe Reina.

A point was of limited use to both sides, with the Reds chalking up their eighth home draw of the campaign.

Photos…

Highlights…

Photos: PA

                          

…it is Meow!

Yep. That soddin’ cat was the one, sole highlight of the drudgerous (possibly not a real word) stalemate at Anfield last night.

                          

By Chris Wright

Remember on Tuesday evening? When Benoit Assou-Ekotto very nearly carved Franco Di Santo’s leg in twain with a disgusting, over-the-ball leg-breaker of a horror tackle?

A tackle, it’s perhaps worth noting, that apparently didn’t merit any form of punishment for BAE from either the referee at the time (as the blood sopped through the Argentine’s sock) or the FA’s disciplinary committee? This stomach-churner…

“Couldn’t have been that bad,” I hear you cry. “The FA would have banned Assou-Ekotto if it was,” I hear you add in addendum.

To that end, I present you with Exhibit A; the photo Di Santo has since posted on his Facebook page – showing the full extent of his mangled shin after the game.

Be warned. ‘Tis a bloody aftermath and not for the eyes of those who can’t get through an episode of Holby City without parting ways with their lunch. In short, it ain’t pretty…

Yeesh. Benoit? You’re a lucky, lucky boy.

Image: Wigan Today

                          

By Chris Wright

Just Tottenham midfielder Sandro, half-naked, going through a few of his Zumba moves in the Spurs dressing room while shouting ‘PAY!’ and ‘FISH!’ every couple of seconds to enhance the effect…

Note to self: Don’t piss off Sandro any time soon.

Via @Danny25Rose

                          

By Chris Wright

HR 4 RF IDST

As we’ve gradually found out over the past week-and-a-half, Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp takes his tax advice from a magical hobgoblin that lives in his biscuit tin. What we also now know is that, instead of his labrynthine scouting network at Spurs, he seems to rely on Manchester United’s Rio Ferdinand when it comes to the final word on his signings.

Here’s our ‘Arry, waffling away after bringing in Emmanuel Adebayor on loan from Man City back in mid-August of last year:

“I spoke to Rio Ferdinand the other day and he said himself and Vidic thought Adebayor was the most difficult opponent they had played against.

“I said I might be taking Adebayor and he said he was always their toughest opponent, caused them more problems than anyone else.”

Now couple that with Redknapp’s spiel after securing the services of Everton’s Louis Saha on Tuesday evening:

“I can remember speaking to Rio Ferdinand and he said Louis was the best forward he’d ever played against.”

Rio Ferdinand is essentially Tottenham’s chief scout. Who’d have thought?

However, as our pals over at Anorak are quick to point out; if the Saha pointer is anything to go by, it seems like our Rio may actually be acting as some kind of cunning double agent.

“Psst. Harry. I’m hearing good things about this Bebe lad…”