Transfers & Rumours

Transfer Rumours: Football is awash with gossip, hogwash, tittle tattle and rumours and we’ll dutifully round them all up here for you and assess them in our own wry, irreverent way.

• Is Craig Gordon worth £9m? August 8th, 2007 Sunderland

  Roy Keane has broken the British transfer record for a goalkeeper by signing Craig Gordon from Hearts for an astonishing £9 million.

• Are footballers under the thumb? August 8th, 2007 Chelsea

  He may well be a born leader of men but that doesn’t mean Fergie wears the trousers at home. Apparently, the United manager has been grounded tonight and will miss United’s final pre-season friendlies while he helps his missus move house.

• How did Leroy Lita really injure himself? August 8th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Reading striker Leroy Lita will miss the start of the Premier League season after apparently injuring himself by stretching in bed. The 22-year-old claims he sustained the nerve problem by enjoying a nice stretch when he woke up. Pull the other one, Leroy (that’s an incredulous outbust rather than my suggestion of how he injured himself, I think!).

• Should Heinze be allowed to make Liverpool switch? August 7th, 2007 Liverpool

  Gabriel Heinze is a troubled man. Apart from being the footballer that no commentator can agree on in terms of pronouncing his surname, he’s also trapped in a loveless relationship. By that I mean his stay at Old Trafford. Heinze will take his dispute with Manchester United to a Premier League arbitration panel next week regarding his wish to leave the club….

• Should Sol Campbell get an England recall? August 7th, 2007 Portsmouth

  What started as a new regime is starting to resemble an old school reunion in Steve McLaren’s England camp. First, Becks was brought back from the brink and now it seems Sol Campbell could be making a comeback.

• UEFA to get tough on racism August 6th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  The UEFA president, Michel Platini, said yesterday that the European governing body must crack down further on racial abuse inside stadiums.
  “We will be strong,” said Platini. “We will…

• The BBC detective drama based on West Bromwich Albion! August 6th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  A drama writer managed to create a cast littered with West Brom-related character names without anyone noticing – and kept it up for four series. Roy Mitchell, creator of the BBC’s detective drama New Tricks, began his homage to the Baggies by naming the three central characters Jack Halford, Brian Lane and Gerry Standing after Albion’s Halford Lane Stand.

• China could detain swearing football fans August 3rd, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  There is nothing quite like venting spleen at a football match. In fact, you could argue that watching your team for 90 minutes is enough to get 7 days worth of venom out of your body, leaving you cool and placid for the rest of the week. Well, do that in China and you could spend a night in the clink…

• Champions League draw analysis August 3rd, 2007 Arsenal

  In a nutshell: Arsenal v Sparta Prague, Liverpool v Toulouse, Celtic v Spartak Moscow and Rangers or FK Zeta v Crvena Zvezda or Levadia Tallinn.
  The BBC is lamenting a tough draw for the British clubs, but you would expect at least three of the four to progress. They may not be easy games (there are no easy games at this level, Clive) but to call it a tough draw might be taking things a bit too far. Sparta Prague are a team Arsenal generally beat comfortably in the group stages. And if Liverpool can’t make it past Toulouse then they don’t deserve to be in the competition anyway. Celtic have man-for-man the toughest draw, but even a below-par Rangers should have what it takes to defeat their potential opponents.

• The Carlos Tevez saga: satisfactory conclusion or whitewash? August 3rd, 2007 Man Utd

  It seems Carlos Tevez’s protracted move to Manchester United might finally be completed today. The prospect of a court case has sobered up all parties and a deal appears to have been struck. Tevez is expected to move to Old Trafford on a two-year loan deal with West Ham receiving £2 million in compensation. The Argentine will pick up more than double that this season alone with a salary of £4.5 million. Manchester United then have the option of completing a £30 million permanent deal.

• Barton in bother again after smacking someone (yawn) August 2nd, 2007 Man City

  Finish drinking your tea. You don’t want to spit it everywhere when you hear some really shocking news. You’ll never guess. Joey Barton has been charged with assault after an alleged training ground bust-up with a former team-mate. *faints*

• Sunderland sign Mido for £6m August 2nd, 2007 Sunderland

  
  In one of the most surprising transfers yet this season, overweight Spurs striker Mido has joined underachieving (in the Prem at least) Sunderland for a fee of £6m.

• Bean bites back August 1st, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  
  Sean Bean has given a Sharpe response to Neil Warnock’s accusations that the film star and Blades fanatic upset his family with a foul-mouthed tirade after last season’s relegation.

• Blackburn Rovers unveil Roque Santa Cruz August 1st, 2007 Blackburn Rovers

  Mark Hughes wanted to sign Roque Santa Cruz and now he has his man, signed for a relatively modest £3.5m from Bayern Munich – it’s a good move for the popular Paraguayan striker, who would probably have spent much of this season at Bayern sat on his ass, watching the likes of Luca Toni, Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose score goals in the Bundesliga.

• Asian Cup flop Socceroos good enough to moan for England August 1st, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Throughout the recent Asian Cup, Pies feared for Australia as they seemed to be heading down a dangerous road that England had gone down last summer. The Socceroos implemented The Masterplan (© Beckham, Lampard, Gerrard, A. Cole) of telling every man and his dog just how good they were before the tournament, not delivering on the arrogant promises on the pitch and crashing out trophy-less.

• Manchester Utd sell Rossi for £6.7m August 1st, 2007 Man Utd

  Oh, the fickle world of football: Tuesday 31st July: Fergie reveals a crop of promising youngsters he dubs ‘the future’ of the club. “My biggest management job next season will be with the young players – Johhny Evans, Gerard Pique, Danny Simpson Lee Martin, Chris Eagles, Frazier Campbell and Guiseppe Rossi,” he said. “They’re terrific […]

• Horror Hair & Transfer News: Jose Antonio Reyes July 31st, 2007 Arsenal

  Jose Antonio Reyes is on his way to Bolton. Well, not just yet but Reyes seems to be following the Nicolas Anelka Sulk Route out of Arsenal and we all know where that ends. Reyes – on his way to becoming a journeyman himself – has completed a £6 million switch to Atletico Madrid.

• Much Adu about nothing? July 31st, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  
  Remember Freddy Adu? The US child star who had most of Europe’s top clubs clamouring for his attention when he was just 14. Well, four years on and he’s just signed for Portuguese side Benfica for a reported fee of around £1m.

• How tough guy Sean Bean reduced Neil Warnock’s family to tears July 31st, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Neil Warnock quit as Sheffield United manager after Hollywood actor Sean Bean launched a foul-mouthed attack on him and his family, he has claimed today. Warnock claims a drunk Bean, who is a Blades director, reduced his wife and five-year-old son to tears.

• One to Watch: Roy O’Donovan (Cork City) July 30th, 2007 Fulham

  Meet Cork City striker Roy O’Donovan who is likely to link-up with his namesake Keane in the near future. Sunderland and Fulham are both interested in the 21-year-old striker who they believe could be the next Kevin Doyle. The Reading striker forged the route from Cork City to scoring regularly in the Premier League. O’Donovan scored 21 goals in the Eircom League last season, and both Keane and Lawrie Sanchez seem happy that he can make the step up to the Premiership.

• Des Lynam to return to footie TV? July 27th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  
  He left sports broadcasting on the Beeb for the money, sorry challenge of ITV and then hot-footed it to Countdown on Channel 4 faster than anyone can say “Robbie Earle –a football pundit?” And now silver fox, Des Lynam is going back to what he does best – footie.
  Des will front a big advertising campaign for

• Reo-Coker – world class? July 27th, 2007 Aston Villa

  There’s nothing like a warm welcome but Villa’s Stiliyan Petrov seems to be clouded by claret coloured spectacles in his praise of new signing, Nigel Reo-Coker.

• Nani banned from back-flips by Alex Ferguson July 27th, 2007 Man Utd

  Man Utd starlet Nani has been ordered to stop his back-flipping goal celebration, by manager Sir Alex Ferguson. The Portuguese winger performed a flip after scoring on his United debut, in a friendly against Shenzhen FC, but reportedly winced on landing:
  
  Lomano Lua Lua famously injured himself after performing a back-flip celebration, and Fergie doesn’t want the same fate to befall Nani. Fair enough, as he has paid £17m for the youngster.

• Jonathan Woodgate voted worst La Liga signing of the century July 27th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  It might be a little premature given that are still 93 years worth of transfer flops to come, but readers of Spanish newspaper Marca have voted Jonathan Woodgate as the worst signing of the 21st Century.

• Romanian side have a more relaxing pre-season than most July 26th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  While most clubs have their players running around the training ground until they’ve hurled up the last of those holiday excesses, Romanian outfit Cetatea Targu went for a more laidback approach. The players spent 10 days in a monestary. Club officials took the players into the mountain monestary six miles from the nearest village in the hope that the team would be ‘close to God’ for the new season.