Transfers & Rumours

Transfer Rumours: Football is awash with gossip, hogwash, tittle tattle and rumours and we’ll dutifully round them all up here for you and assess them in our own wry, irreverent way.

• Chelsea overlook Daniel Alves, accept second best in Juliano Belletti. Translation: common sense prevails August 23rd, 2007 Chelsea

  
  Chase me, chase me, chase me! … oh, they’ve buggered off. Sevilla, the little teases, have apparently failed in their bid to get Roman Abramovich to part with almost £25m for a right-back/Star Trek character. They should really have accepted Chelsea’s reported bid of £21.5m, which is still way over the odds for Alves, who is very good, but not that good.

• Shiny Media relaunches Scrumbag in preparation for Rugby World Cup August 21st, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  That’s right, folks – Scrumbag is back, it’s on the protein powder and it’s fired up.

• Free Gabriel Heinze t-shirt August 21st, 2007 Kits & fashion

  Gabriel Heinze’s attempts to move from Manchester United to Liverpool are expected to be settled by a Premier League arbitration panel later today. This should provide a speedy resolution to the situation, just ask Heinze’s new team-mate and compatriot Carlos Tevez!

• A-Level student receives Sven’s transfer offers by text August 17th, 2007 Man City

  A student has been receiving good luck messages and player offers intended for Sven Goran Eriksson. Christina Tambaros was assigned the number used by Eriksson when he was England boss after he quit last year. The 17-year-old received messages from former Charlton boss Les Reed and PFA chairman Gordon Taylor, and an offer to take Inter Milan midfielder Aparecido Rodrigues Cesar on a free transfer from his agent.

• Roy Keane blasts ‘weak players’ for following their wives August 15th, 2007 Sunderland

  Our question asking whether footballers are under the thumb seems to have been answered by that eternal fountain of testosterone himself, Roy Keane.

• Manchester City chairman is a wanted man August 14th, 2007 Man City

  Thailand’s Supreme Court has issued a warrant for the arrest of ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, and Manchester City chairman, on corruption charges. Shinawatra failed to attend court in Bangkok as the court was to hear the first of a series of cases being brought against the former leader, who was ousted in a military coup last year…

• Neil McDonald becomes first managerial casuality of the season August 13th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Unbelievable. Only one game into the new season, and Carlisle have already decided to part company with their manager Neil McDonald. McDonald…

• Moritz Volz gets stuck in the toilet August 10th, 2007 Fulham

  Volzy, Volzy, Volzy. What are you going to get up to next? The crazy Fulham utility man had to be rescued by a handyman after locking himself in his toilet. The German was preparing to leave his house for the pre-season friendly with Brighton when the incident happened. Volzy nipped to the loo before leaving, but found the door had jammed when he tried to get out.

• Alan Shearer fake money confiscated August 9th, 2007 Newcastle Utd

  Trading Standards officials have seized a number of Alan Shearer £20 notes from a car boot sale. Cash featuring the mugs of Mark Viduka, Nolberto Solano, Michael Owen, Steven Taylor and Kieron Dyer instead of the Queen were also taken from the sale at Blaydon Rugby Ground in Gateshead.

• Leeds United to start next season with 15 points deducted August 9th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Bad news for Leeds fans as they are set to begin the new season at the foot of the League One table after their appeal against a 15-point penalty was rejected at a meeting of Football League chairmen. Leeds chairman…

• Are Liverpool mad for letting Scott Carson go? August 9th, 2007 Aston Villa

  Yet more rumours abound about the future of Liverpool‘s Scott Carson, as he appears to be making his way to Aston Villa on loan for the new season. The ‘Pool sent the England U21 ‘keeper on loan to Charlton last season which saw him applauded for his performances in sticks. Now, in the quest for first team football, and with an eye on breaking into the senior team for England, Carson is off to Villa….

• Manchester City want Antonio Cassano – here comes trouble? August 9th, 2007 Man City

  Ever heard of Antonio Cassano? He’s like Italy’s answer to Craig Bellamy – cool finisher with a hot head and an overrated opinion of himself who regularly falls out with teammates and managers alike.

• UEFA to launch inquiry into racism at Rangers match August 8th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  After recent claims that they were going to stick the boot in on clubs with racist fans, it’s now time for UEFA to earn their keep. UEFA have stated that they will hold an inquiry into alleged racist taunts aimed at…

• Is Craig Gordon worth £9m? August 8th, 2007 Sunderland

  Roy Keane has broken the British transfer record for a goalkeeper by signing Craig Gordon from Hearts for an astonishing £9 million.

• Are footballers under the thumb? August 8th, 2007 Chelsea

  He may well be a born leader of men but that doesn’t mean Fergie wears the trousers at home. Apparently, the United manager has been grounded tonight and will miss United’s final pre-season friendlies while he helps his missus move house.

• How did Leroy Lita really injure himself? August 8th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  Reading striker Leroy Lita will miss the start of the Premier League season after apparently injuring himself by stretching in bed. The 22-year-old claims he sustained the nerve problem by enjoying a nice stretch when he woke up. Pull the other one, Leroy (that’s an incredulous outbust rather than my suggestion of how he injured himself, I think!).

• Should Heinze be allowed to make Liverpool switch? August 7th, 2007 Liverpool

  Gabriel Heinze is a troubled man. Apart from being the footballer that no commentator can agree on in terms of pronouncing his surname, he’s also trapped in a loveless relationship. By that I mean his stay at Old Trafford. Heinze will take his dispute with Manchester United to a Premier League arbitration panel next week regarding his wish to leave the club….

• Should Sol Campbell get an England recall? August 7th, 2007 Portsmouth

  What started as a new regime is starting to resemble an old school reunion in Steve McLaren’s England camp. First, Becks was brought back from the brink and now it seems Sol Campbell could be making a comeback.

• UEFA to get tough on racism August 6th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  The UEFA president, Michel Platini, said yesterday that the European governing body must crack down further on racial abuse inside stadiums.
  “We will be strong,” said Platini. “We will…

• The BBC detective drama based on West Bromwich Albion! August 6th, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  A drama writer managed to create a cast littered with West Brom-related character names without anyone noticing – and kept it up for four series. Roy Mitchell, creator of the BBC’s detective drama New Tricks, began his homage to the Baggies by naming the three central characters Jack Halford, Brian Lane and Gerry Standing after Albion’s Halford Lane Stand.

• China could detain swearing football fans August 3rd, 2007 Transfers & Rumours

  There is nothing quite like venting spleen at a football match. In fact, you could argue that watching your team for 90 minutes is enough to get 7 days worth of venom out of your body, leaving you cool and placid for the rest of the week. Well, do that in China and you could spend a night in the clink…

• Champions League draw analysis August 3rd, 2007 Arsenal

  In a nutshell: Arsenal v Sparta Prague, Liverpool v Toulouse, Celtic v Spartak Moscow and Rangers or FK Zeta v Crvena Zvezda or Levadia Tallinn.
  The BBC is lamenting a tough draw for the British clubs, but you would expect at least three of the four to progress. They may not be easy games (there are no easy games at this level, Clive) but to call it a tough draw might be taking things a bit too far. Sparta Prague are a team Arsenal generally beat comfortably in the group stages. And if Liverpool can’t make it past Toulouse then they don’t deserve to be in the competition anyway. Celtic have man-for-man the toughest draw, but even a below-par Rangers should have what it takes to defeat their potential opponents.

• The Carlos Tevez saga: satisfactory conclusion or whitewash? August 3rd, 2007 Man Utd

  It seems Carlos Tevez’s protracted move to Manchester United might finally be completed today. The prospect of a court case has sobered up all parties and a deal appears to have been struck. Tevez is expected to move to Old Trafford on a two-year loan deal with West Ham receiving £2 million in compensation. The Argentine will pick up more than double that this season alone with a salary of £4.5 million. Manchester United then have the option of completing a £30 million permanent deal.

• Barton in bother again after smacking someone (yawn) August 2nd, 2007 Man City

  Finish drinking your tea. You don’t want to spit it everywhere when you hear some really shocking news. You’ll never guess. Joey Barton has been charged with assault after an alleged training ground bust-up with a former team-mate. *faints*

• Sunderland sign Mido for £6m August 2nd, 2007 Sunderland

  
  In one of the most surprising transfers yet this season, overweight Spurs striker Mido has joined underachieving (in the Prem at least) Sunderland for a fee of £6m.