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Who ate all the pies

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Transfers & Rumours

Transfer Rumours: Football is awash with gossip, hogwash, tittle tattle and rumours and we’ll dutifully round them all up here for you and assess them in our own wry, irreverent way.

76592176.jpgEngland’s hopes of reaching next year’s European Championships are slim and none with practically our only hope pinned on Israel to get a result against Russia on Saturday.

Every so often the greatest footballer on earth will come out with a curveball statement straight from the Sepp Blatter school of thought.
Could God’s gift to football have come up with an ingenious way of spicing up the game or are these the mutterings of a man losing the race against age?

Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo has been told to stay off the pies by nutritionalists who fear his new found love of northern grub could affect his performances.

The hacks at The Guardian obviously read a little wider than us. So while perusing English-language Turkish newspaper Today’s Zaman they uncovered a potential reason for Besiktas’ poor showing against Liverpool last night. The paper revealed bitterness about Besiktas’ defeat to Fenerbahce in the Istanbul at the weekend, moaning about “hair-pulling, pushing, shoving, rough tackling and provocation by both sides, and above all, terrible refereeing decisions. It will go into the record books as one of the worst-officiated Istanbul derbies in the Turkish soccer league since its inception in 1959. There were so many obvious errors, so many wrong calls and so many non-calls that it would be impossible to enumerate all of them.”

Both of these mercenary strikers have been making unsubtle noises about leaving their respective clubs when the going got tough.

Since when did Rafa’s Liverpool score this many goals? Since last night, when they ripped an impotent Besiktas to shreds, thanks to a Yossi Benayoun hat-trick and a couple from Liverpool’s forgotten man, Peter Crouch.

The sports minister, Gerry Sutcliffe, has branded John Terry’s salary ‘obscene’. Sutcliffe also attacked Chelski’s general attitude to cash. He said: ‘Good luck to John Terry but I think it is obscene to be on £150,000 a week,’ said Sutcliffe. ‘People in the street cannot understand salaries like that. Chelsea are £250m in the red […]

52629977.jpgMan mountain and Easter Island lookalike, Jaap Stam, has called an end to his playing career because of injury and a lack of focus.

Gothenburg defeated Trelleborg to secure their 18th Swedish league title. Surprisingly, Sweden’s most famous club had not been champions since 1996. This video shows how they did it, plus post-match shenanigans where the players celebrate in the dressing room by wearing hats made out of tinsel. Lovely.

75962016.jpgThe FA has charged both Dennis Wise and referee, Danny McDermid, for swearing at each other during a game between Leeds and Gillingham back in September.

76780358.jpgIt’s been quite a year for Gareth Barry, he’s gone from international occasional to England’s most consistent performer and now there are rumours that Chelsea are preparing a £15m bid to bring him to the Bridge.

Tabloid hacks with the ability to put two and two together – there are some out there – have naturally decided that Juande Ramos, Spurs’ new head honcho, will raid the changing room at his former club Sevilla. Which all means that we’ll be seeing the likes of Fredi Kanoute and Daniel Alves playing at […]

If rumours are to be believed Seville’s Juande Ramos is about to step into Martin Jol’s shoes as the next Spurs manager – so, what’s he all about?

According to reports, Martin Jol was actually sacked before last night’s kick-off – great timing, no? I doubt Jol’s mind was on the match as much as it should have been, and that was reflected in Spurs’ tepid performance. Getafe are in the bottom three of Spain’s Primera Liga, and so this should have been […]

A solid home win for David Moyes’s men. Tim Cahill, who lasted 65 minutes before being substituted, scored on his return from a long-term injury. It’s hard to underestimate just how much Everton have missed the combative Aussie since he last played for them in March. He’s their key player, their talisman, their heartbeat. Mikel […]

75417670.jpgIt seems they’ve tried everything but bionic body parts to try and restore Andriy Shevchenko to his former glory at Stamford Bridge – including enlisting the help of former athlete, Darren Campbell, to remind him how to run.

77498402.jpgThe season’s longest running managerial soap opera is finally over as Martin Jol has quit as Spurs manager after his side’s 2-1 loss at home against Getafe in the UEFA Cup.

Scotland have risen one place to 13th in FIFA’s world rankings, their highest position since the rankings were introduced in 1993. The Jocks are now just two spots behind England who dropped down to 11th on the back of that defeat in Russia. Many Scottish fans – and no doubt some English fans too – […]

Didier Drogba and former England rugby union captain Martin Johnson pose at Stamford Bridge in NFL uniforms to promote the match between the NY Giants and Miami Dolphins, which will be played at Wembley Stadium on October 28th. Hmm, there must be a good caption or two in there… Photo Christopher Lee/Getty Images

Today’s most interesting/ridiculous/made-up in the pub football stories: Spurs have lined up Blackburn boss Mark Hughes to replace Martin Jol, if the struggling North Londoners fail to win at home against Rovers on Sunday. Will it happen? Not a chance. There’s no way Rovers will let Sparky go to Spurs – and I’m confident Hughes […]

A packed schedule of Championship fixtures last night, with a few results standing out: Plymouth Argyle earned a great 2-1 away win at Charlton (pictured, left), which moves the in-form Pilgrims above Athletic in the table, into fourth spot. The match was a feisty affair, with ten bookings, but that didn’t bother Argyle boss Ian […]

There were not quite as many goals as we saw at the Emirates last night, but this match was not so one-sided and therefore more entertaining. In truth this was a comfortable victory for the English champions, but Kiev never gave up. Kiev are not the force they were in the days of Rebrov & […]

Slavia Prague, aka the Keystone Cops, had no answer for the invention, youthful exuberance and firepower of Arsenal, who registered their biggest ever home win in Europe. Gooners will have been encouraged by the sparkling performance of Theo Walcott, who scored twice and was involved in much of Arsenal’s best play. The English youngster suddenly […]

I predicted a 1-1 draw and wasn’t too far off. This is a terrific result for Rangers, who were outplayed for significant periods of the game by the stellar cast of Barca (Messi, Henry and Ronaldinho all came close to scoring) but ultimately deserved a point for their discipline and calmness under pressure. In the […]