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Who ate all the pies

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Transfers & Rumours

Transfer Rumours: Football is awash with gossip, hogwash, tittle tattle and rumours and we’ll dutifully round them all up here for you and assess them in our own wry, irreverent way.

LIVE FA Cup semi-final draw

March 12th, 2007

They should really rename this the Premiership Cup, shouldn’t they? When is a non-Prem team going to reach the last four again, let alone the final? Anyway, this is how this season’s semi-final draw shapes up: Blackburn Rovers v Chelsea/Tottenham Watford v Middlesbrough/Man Utd Well, Chelsea/Spurs and Man Utd have been kept apart, which is […]

Start rubbing your disbelieving eyeballs. There is some incredible news. Builders of Wembley Stadium, Multiplex, could hand over the keys to the new Wembley Stadium as early as Friday, according to BBC Sport. BBC Sports News Correspondent James Pearce says building work is almost complete and the FA Cup final is almost certain to be […]

West Ham United‘s season goes from bad to worse after it was revealed that the police are set to make investigations into the club. Before you start, it won’t be for criminal defending, but something rather more serious. From shambles to shameful, the Hammers season hit a new low on Sunday when large groups of […]

In beating Swindon 3-0 at the weekend, Stockport County notched up a ninth consecutive victory. A very impressive run, but all the more impressive because in those nine games they have conceded no goals. Not one! Zip, nada, nicht, zilch, nil points etc. That’s a Football League record, so big congrats to everyone at the […]

That’s not a headline I thought I’d ever write. As reported in the Guardian, several football stars have signed up to the Mayday for Nurses campaign and agreed to donate their wages for 13th May to help nurses in financial difficulty. Nigel Medicore Reo Coker, Paul Robinson, Ryan Giggs, Gary ‘shop steward’ Neville and Micah […]

Rumour has it that Ipswich Town’s Darren Currie has secured a two-week trial with LA Galaxy, and should he stay, he’ll of course by playing with a certain Mr Beckham. Looking at this compilation video, the kid looks a bit good…

Emmanuel ‘Evander Holyfield’ Adebayor apparently DIDN’T punch Frank ‘Looks a bit like KD Lang’ Lampard. Pity. After Arsene Wenger started spouting off and shouting "THE LINESMAN IS A BIG FAT LIAR!" to just about anyone who would listen, and then called for Fat Frank to come forward and save his striker. Lampard’s agent Steve Kutner […]

Bandwagon hopping anyone? Right this way… Tony Blair has joined in the ticket pricing debate and backed calls for Premiership clubs to lower their ticket prices to make sure fans can afford to attend matches. He said countless empty seats at top-flight grounds in recent years were a clear indication that prices needed to come […]

As expected, the FA have charged both Arsenal and Chelsea over this unsavoury brawl, which took place near the end of a drama-packed Carling Cup final. Arsenal’s Emmanuel Eboue (horrible little man) has been charged with violent conduct for striking Wayne Bridge (glass jaw). Emmanuel Adebayor (My Little Pony hair) has also been charged – […]

Ladies and gents, we have a new Lester Piggott. Tax irregularities are now known as ‘doing a Guus Hiddink‘ now that the Russia football manager has been handed a six-month suspended sentence and fined £30,000 after being found guilty of tax evasion. The 60-year-old Dutchman was accused of evading more than £900,000 (bloody hell!) in […]

News reaches us that Premiership chairmen are going to be forced into cutting ‘obscene’ ticket prices because fans have just about had enough of being the victims of daylight robbery every weekend, and as a result, football has reached a tipping point. Two top-flight chairmen have expressed the same view, both of whom predict price […]

QPR hit with misconduct charge

February 26th, 2007

Rather unsurprising news this, but QPR have been charged by the FA after the fracas against the China under 10′s Olympic side ended up with blood spillage and a smashed up jaw. QPR have been charged with misconduct after the friendly match against the Chinese side and assistant boss Richard Hill, who has been suspended […]

Former Republic of Ireland strikers John Aldridge and Tony Cascarino have had their fair share of football honours. They’ve both competed at the highest level for club and country, starring in World Cups and FA Cup finals, but for the former hitmen, their biggest challenge is to come. Cascarino and Aldridge are to vie for […]

Gazza to star in horror flick

February 22nd, 2007

Gazza, G8, Paul Gascoigne… whatever you call him these days… has apparently agreed to appear in and turn his hand to producing new movie Final Run. Gazza will make his big-screen debut as a survivor of an alien invasion alongside the oh so very lovely Lois Winstone (daughter of Ray). According to production company SjB […]

Man City in takeover talks

February 22nd, 2007

Manchester City have announced that they are in "preliminary discussions" with potential investors that may lead to an offer for the club. The Citizens have revealed that, before Christmas, they were seeking fresh investment in the club but today’s acknowledgement that they are talking to "third parties" suggests that a bit of headway is being […]

Just leave it Paul, he’s not worth it… Wigan Athletic manager Paul Jewell has claimed, in the Daily Mail, that a Premiership club asked not to have referee Phil Dowd in charge of their games: ‘We can’t as a club say we don’t want him but I know a certain club that has asked,’ he […]

Benitez fines squad

February 20th, 2007

With some people saying "It’s all lies. I’d be more ashamed to believe it than anything. If you could conjure up an eyewitness report or a police record, that’d be great" about the Craig Bellamy story on these very pages, it’s worth pointing out that today, Rafa Benitez is set to hand out the punishment […]

The Guardian loves Pies

February 20th, 2007

Pop the champers kiddies because someone likes Pies. No, we’re not talking about Wigan folk, but esteemed news rag, The Guardian. The Guardian’s Guide supplement at the weekend referred to WhoAteAllThePies as "Pie ingredients include news, fiendish quizzes, strange football kits and jokes about ex-Liverpool players/loafers." Can’t grumble at that can you? Of course, you […]

Match of the Day 2 presenter Adrian Chiles has confirmed that he is one of a number of BBC employers who have been sent soiled toilet paper in the post. According to The Sun, ‘police are investigating a string of packages posted to some of broadcasting’s best-known names since mid-January.’ Baggies fan Chiles said "I’ve […]

Is Craig Bellamy the dimmest man on the face of the earth? His move to Liverpool was a slightly risky one on Rafa’s part, but we can all presume that he thought Bellamy may pull his finger out and keep his head down as his stint at Liverpool would probably be his last chance to […]

FA Cup Quarter Final Draw

February 19th, 2007

So the Quarter Final draw has been made for the FA Cup and the big guns have been kept apart once more. Middlesbrough or West Brom v Manchester United or Reading Arsenal or Blackburn v Manchester City Chelsea v Tottenham Plymouth v Watford The matches will take place on 10 and 11 March. Who do […]

Emre in race row again

February 16th, 2007

The FA are to launch a second investigation into claims that Newcastle midfielder Emre used racist language. A newspaper report today alleged the  Turkey international, who has already been charged by the FA with using racially-aggravated language during the defeat at Everton on December 30, made a comment to Bolton striker El-Hadji Diouf during a […]

Platini wants two refs

February 15th, 2007

Michel ‘Mental’ Platini, once one of the greatest players in the universe has failed to impress me with his ideas to make football more beautiful as UEFA President. He’s already said that he’d like a limit of three Champions League places per country, and now the Frenchman has now put forward a proposal for games […]

England reduce friendlies

February 15th, 2007

In what seems like a move in damage limitation, England have scaled down their schedule of friendly matches from 20 to 18 over the four-year period from 2008. Steve ‘Malcolm’ McClaren had made it clear that he was in favour of scrapping some in favour of longer training camps. "I want the flexibility to be […]