More pics of new boys (check out part one) Click on the image below to launch the gallery…

Thursday’s news balls, inflated to the max Deuce Bigalow (aka Rob Schneider) snapped wearing West Ham shirt. Oh, and drunk [The Offside Rules] C-Ron says his move to Real Madrid is “non-negotiable”. Fergie might have something to say about that [The Spoiler] Tottenham have held talks with Spartak Moscow striker Roman Pavlyuchenko [BBC] Revealed, the [...]

This week’s most popular posts on Pies Valon Behrami’s new WAG has the hotness Player booked for cynical foul on pitch invader Top six horse-face footballers C-Ron’s amazing mahogany legs Chelsea too old to win the title? Top six ridiculous Djibril Cisse looks

Friday’s news balls Spanked by Yanks West Ham lost 3-2 to David Beckham’s MLS All-Stars. [The Spoiler] Unsafe hands Spurs keeper Paul Robinson off to Blackburn in a £3.5m deal. Robbo will replace Brad Friedel, who is off to Aston Villa. [Mirror] The Joy of Cesc Fabregas visits Disneyland, wears Mickey Mouse-themed wizard’s hat. [Kickette] [...]

The lowdown on West Ham’s latest signing Name Valon Behrami Age 23 Nationality Swiss Position Winger Club history Lugano, Genoa, Lazio, West Ham Utd (current)

Footage from pre-season scrap Parts two, three and four after the jump…

British fans show the Yanks how to do it A tasty half-time scrap between more than 100 fans was the talking point of West Ham’s 3-1 win against Columbus Crew in Ohio on Sunday. The trouble began when a small mob of Hammers, seemingly intent on flexing their muscles and also protecting England’s reputation as [...]

Who’s headed for sunnier climes this season? 1. Mathieu Flamini (Arsenal to AC Milan) Arsene Wenger didn’t have the cash to keep Cesc’s midfield buddy at the Emirates. AC Milan stepped in with a better offer, then failed to reach the Champions League, for the first time in centuries. Arsenal fans will at least have [...]

The things players get up to in their down time… (click on image below to view gallery)

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

THEN: Dumitrescu arrived in the Premier League after some outstanding performances at the 1994 World Cup which saw him help Romania to the quarter-finals. Tottenham paid £2.6 million to bring the midfielder to England from Steaua Bucharest, where he had spent the first eight years of his professional career. The start of his career in England was overshadowed by a story in the News of the World that he had requested the services of a prostitute. He went in exile/on-loan to Sevilla after a brief but fairly successful spell for Spurs. He returned for the start of the 1995-96 season and played a handful of games before being flogged to West Ham. His Hammers career was short-lived and Dumitrescu was soon fleeing the tackling habits of Premier League defenders to continue career in Mexico with Club America.

Monday’s most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto’o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the Cameroon international – that’s £8m more than the Italian sides are prepared to pay. [Epping [...]

Today’s hotter-than-July lies… 1. Mauro Zarate to Arsenal The on-loan Birmingham star (pictured) is on the wish list of one big-four club, at least according to his agent. I guess it’s Arsenal who want him, as an Eduardo replacement. [Setanta] 2. Jonny Evans to Sunderland Roy Keane is reported to have bid £5m for United’s [...]

Here’s what the Hammers will wear on their travels next season. We like, a lot You can’t beat a bit of claret and blue – it’s a classic English football colour combo, used to great effect by Umbro for their latest West Ham away shirt. We think it’s a very smart kit, simple and tasteful. [...]

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano [...]

Portuguese cheater (not C-Ron, the other one) play-acts after butt And I thought Nani really had something with Lucas? Apparently not. Disgraceful stuff from Man Utd’s trickster. Fortunately, the officials didn’t buy it. Worthy of a five-match ban (but he’ll only be banned for three), not to mention the two weeks’ wages it has already [...]

What’s this? Is Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels In Love? It sure looks that way as he grasps Alan Curbishley by the head and looks longingly into his eyes. I’m not sure Curbs is quite up for it as much, but he looks pleasantly surprised by the offer.

In no particular order, and not including goalkeepers (for the record, just five goalies have played every minute of every league game this season: David James, Robert Green, Brad Friedel, Pepe Reina and Marcus Hahnemann), here are the six hardest-working players of the 2007/08 campaign, in terms of minutes played: Stephen Kelly (Birmingham City) The [...]

… in their dreams.

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

As suggested by, er, me. I was watching Oscar-winning movie Crash on DVD the other night, when I noticed that actor Chris Bridges (aka rapper Ludacris) looked a bit like West Ham defender Anton Ferdinand. And ‘looking a bit like’ a footballer is enough to make a Shit Lookalike. More Shit Lookalikes

Professional West Ham fan Ray Winstone and Irons’ boss Alan Curbishley square up, in a friendly fashion, before last week’s West Ham vs Man Utd game. Winstone’s presence clearly intimidated the Man Yoo players, who played below their usual level in a 2-1 defeat.

Jussi Jaaskelainen of Bolton claims a cross during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Bolton Wanderers at Upton Park on November 4, 2007 in London, England. Photo Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

HEROES Rob Green Saved a last-gasp penalty (pictured) to snatch a point for West Ham at Pompey. Surely Green now has to be taken seriously for England’s No.1 shirt instead of Paul Robinson? Cesc Fabregas Showed off the full extent of his freakish maturity and talent with a wonderfully authoritative performance at Anfield. Stevie G [...]