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Who ate all the pies

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West Ham Utd

West Ham United: All the latest West Ham United flavoured news, views, rumours and other assorted bits and bobs

79494592.jpgFootball is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

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West Ham 1-0 Liverpool An injury-time penalty by Mark Noble denied Liverpool a point that they didn’t deserve anyway. West Ham had the best chances, whereas Liverpool looked flat, as if their players were painfully aware that any chance of winning the league had disappeared several weeks ago. Rafa Benitez’s team are now 17 points behind both Man Utd and Arsenal. Fourth place is the best they can hope for now, and even that is no certainty.
Man of the match Mark Noble. On this form, the England U21 star must be close to a full England call-up.
Photo Getty Images

As suggested by, er, me. I was watching Oscar-winning movie Crash on DVD the other night, when I noticed that actor Chris Bridges (aka rapper Ludacris) looked a bit like West Ham defender Anton Ferdinand. And ‘looking a bit like’ a footballer is enough to make a Shit Lookalike. More Shit Lookalikes

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Professional West Ham fan Ray Winstone and Irons’ boss Alan Curbishley square up, in a friendly fashion, before last week’s West Ham vs Man Utd game. Winstone’s presence clearly intimidated the Man Yoo players, who played below their usual level in a 2-1 defeat.

Jussi Jaaskelainen of Bolton claims a cross during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Bolton Wanderers at Upton Park on November 4, 2007 in London, England. Photo Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

HEROES Rob Green Saved a last-gasp penalty (pictured) to snatch a point for West Ham at Pompey. Surely Green now has to be taken seriously for England’s No.1 shirt instead of Paul Robinson? Cesc Fabregas Showed off the full extent of his freakish maturity and talent with a wonderfully authoritative performance at Anfield. Stevie G […]

Nolberto Solano celebrates as his shot rebounds in off of distraught goalkeeper Craig Gordon for an own goal during the Premier League match between West Ham and Sunderland at Upton Park on October 21, 2007. Photo Phil Cole/Getty Images

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.
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Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.
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AshtonEng205.jpgWith the boy made from glass, Michael Owen, seeing a specialist about his brittle bones, the Newcastle United striker going to miss England’s crucial Euro 2008 qualifiers against Estonia and Russia next month. It’s a damn shame as he looked like he might be returning to form with some decent goals in recent weeks…

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.
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Horror Hair: Dean Ashton

September 4th, 2007

dean%20ashton%20horror%20hair.jpgLast time we saw Dean Ashton he was going bald gracefully, but things change. He has returned from his long injury lay-off with this bleached blond barnet (because a healthy dose of peroxide was just what his dying hairs needed). All of this means the West Ham striker has been left looking like a born-again monk who gave up his life on the early 1990s rave scene to spend his days in the monastery.

West Ham’s recent signing Kieron Dyer receives physio treatment and comfort from his team-mates after suffering a double leg fracture in last night’s Carling Cup tie with Bristol Rovers. Dyer was injured in a tackle by Rovers’ Joe Jacobson, which left Hammers boss Alan Curbishley fuming. Click here to see the incident.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.
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Rodders may have been an East End wideboy, but West Ham’s Mark Noble is an East End central midfielder.

GudNeill.JPGWest Ham are starting to see why most clubs like to have some sort of wage structure in place. Barcelona forward Eidur Gudjohnsen is stalling over an £80,000 a week offer from the Hammers because he wants £100,000. It would be easy to blame the ex-Chelsea man and accuse him of greed, but if I was a player of Gudjohnsen’s class I would want to be a few leaps up the salary scale away from £60,000 a week Lucas Neill!

Cheeky chappy Craig Bellamy just can’t hold his tongue. Here he is signing autographs for West Ham fans when one asks for his thoughts on Kieron Dyer (who at this stage is on the verge of a move to Upton Park). Craig the populist takes over Craig the professional, and can’t resist splurting out: “He’s like Reo-Coker, except he can play.”

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Man%20City%20home%20kit.JPGManchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

In a long line of singing footballers (maybe we should do a Singing Footballers XI?) Carlos Tevez is the latest (to me at least) hitman to pick up the mic. He’s the front man in a band called Piola Vago, who play cumbia villera, a form of Argentinian shantytown/urban music. Piola Vago managed to hit the charts in Argentina with their song Lose Your Control which saw Carlitos crooning about whipping a girl and begging her for sex (c/o The Sun).

kierondyer8mil.jpgNewcastle gaffer Sam Allardyce has revealed that Kieron Dyer’s move to West Ham collapsed after the Hammers refused to pay…

Laughing%20Tevez.JPGIt seems Carlos Tevez’s protracted move to Manchester United might finally be completed today. The prospect of a court case has sobered up all parties and a deal appears to have been struck. Tevez is expected to move to Old Trafford on a two-year loan deal with West Ham receiving £2 million in compensation. The Argentine will pick up more than double that this season alone with a salary of £4.5 million. Manchester United then have the option of completing a £30 million permanent deal.

New West Ham signing Craig Bellamy gets into the first of an inevitable many arguments with match officials this season. Bellamy and referee Trevor Kettle reach boiling point in last night’s friendly between the Hammers and MK Dons. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

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Thanks to Pies reader Doug Myers, who has taken advantage of our new Facebook group to suggest this outstanding Shit Lookalike. Carlos Tevez – despite being a dead ringer for Red Hot Chilli Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis – is also the spitting image of Blanca from the video game Street Fighter. That is uncanny!
Oh, and if anyone has a clue whether this should be in the West Ham or Man United category, let us know!

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As the Sun might say, what a pair of egg-headed Swedes! Interesting that Ljungberg was snapped with the chairman at his unveiling, rather than the manager – is this a signing that Alan Curbishley didn’t sanction or want, perhaps? (Ie. one of those Abramovich/Shevchenko things).