Who didn’t last the course? Deco (Chelsea) It all started as planned: Deco scored a screamer on his Chelsea debut, at home to Pompey in the August sunshine, but it was quickly downhill after that. The Ronnie Corbett-faced Brazilian has been unlucky with a string of niggling injuries, but in no way can he be […]

Aside from the fact that his head and/or hair is a very odd shape, the most striking thing about Wigan Athletic’s Paul Scharner prior to watching his side lose against Chelsea was his Elton John hand-me-down specs.

Paul Scharner is a fairly happy chappy. So happy, in fact, that he has just penned a new two-year deal at Wigan Athletic. But niggling away at the back of the big Austrian’s mind is the idea that there is something bigger out there for him: that there is more to life than popping up with the occasional goal for the Latics.

Wigan sign FIFA’s top-rated striker. Who is he? Steve Bruce claims to have signed the best striker in the world, on loan for £1m. Find out the identity of this world-class star after the jump…

Finding the Lonely Hearts of Euro 2008 the perfect home in the Premier League

Arsenal – Artur Boruc
Poland’s keeper was in top form during the competition and a move to a top four club could be enough to tempt him away from Celtic. The Gunners – with Jens Lehmann on his way out – could be interested.

Meg loves Mig 4eva?

1. Miguel Veloso to Bolton
Gary Megson is hoping to jump the queue to sign Manchester United target Veloso. The Sporting Lisbon midfielder would cost £16 million. [The Sun]

Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here’s part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to the sky-blue half of Manchester. A couple of his signings were notable successes – Elano […]

Wigan boss urged by Chelsea to “really, really try” against United Seems that Sir Alex Ferguson has no shortage of go-to guys in a crisis. Alan Curbishley (lurking on the right of this photo) ordered his West Ham team to roll over and let United scratch their tummies – “Lads, me and Alex are in […]

Out here in the fields, Michael Brown fights for his meals. He gets his back into his living. Or something like that. Cheers to Chringle for this one. The boy’s back on form. More shit lookalikes

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

Liverpool are a well-organised, powerful, athletic, talented team – but they don’t half play some dull football. I have no doubt that Rafa Benitez makes sure that his players eat the right shape of pasta, but football is about more than pure science. It’s about genius, it’s about inspiration, it’s about impossible-to-define moments of magic that win you games.

Premier League strugglers Wigan are looking to get a Brucey bonus by tempting Birmingham manager, Steve Bruce, to rescue the club from relegation.

He was the bookie’s favourite to go next so it’s no great surprise that Wigan have shown Chris Hutchings his P45 after the club’s sixth defeat in a row against Chelsea on Saturday.

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.

We are not comparing Wigan boss Chris Hutchings to one of history’s greatest monsters in any capacity other than this mildly amusing pose, although JJB Stadium regulars mights testify that the pair share a philosophy on torture!

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.

According to his Wigan teammate, Chris Kirkland – Emile Heskey is ‘England’s Didier Drogba,’ and he doesn’t mean he’s a big man who spends more time on the floor than on the ball.

Is Michael Clarke Duncan, star of The Green Mile, how Heskey would look if he ever broke out a smile?

Wigan’s Austrian man might have been on the scoresheet against West Ham at the weekend, but his barnet is definitely off target. Pretty much anything you could want to be wrong with his hair is incorporated into this look. The fluffiness of the mohican gives a hint of baby duckling chic. The shaved section of the hair reveals a worryingly bumpy head. The mohawk thins towards the crown and – to top it all – has a ginger tinge. Good work, Paul.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

Portsmouth 1-1 Manchester United
Cristiano Ronaldo grimaces after being shown a red card for violent conduct.

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Manchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

The UK property market has been overinflated for some time now. The football transfer market seemed to have calmed down a bit. Until now that is. Wigan have spent £5.3 million on the living football legend that is Jason Koumas. For that money you could buy a luxury four-bedroom penthouse apartment in Mayfair and still have enough change for a decent motor. Why would you spend that much on Jason Koumas?!! So Pies is asking, would you rather spend your money on Koumas or the flat?