Out here in the fields, Michael Brown fights for his meals. He gets his back into his living. Or something like that. Cheers to Chringle for this one. The boy’s back on form. More shit lookalikes

Football is a team game, but it’s amazing how much of an effect one individual can have on his ten team-mates. Witness Jimmy Bullard’s match-winning performance for Fulham against Aston Villa at Craven Cottage yesterday afternoon. His return from a long-term injury has lifted everyone at the club; it’s no coincidence that Fulham struggled in Bullard’s absence.

Liverpool are a well-organised, powerful, athletic, talented team – but they don’t half play some dull football. I have no doubt that Rafa Benitez makes sure that his players eat the right shape of pasta, but football is about more than pure science. It’s about genius, it’s about inspiration, it’s about impossible-to-define moments of magic that win you games.

Premier League strugglers Wigan are looking to get a Brucey bonus by tempting Birmingham manager, Steve Bruce, to rescue the club from relegation.

He was the bookie’s favourite to go next so it’s no great surprise that Wigan have shown Chris Hutchings his P45 after the club’s sixth defeat in a row against Chelsea on Saturday.

Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Craig Gardner won the match for Villa, but Dean Ashton is now a doubt for England after picking up a knee injury.

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
Crissy Ronaldo (© Pies) pounced early in the second-half to give United victory and keep up with Arsenal.

We are not comparing Wigan boss Chris Hutchings to one of history’s greatest monsters in any capacity other than this mildly amusing pose, although JJB Stadium regulars mights testify that the pair share a philosophy on torture!

Arsenal 5-0 Derby
Emmanuel Adebayor scored a hat-trick and Cesc Fabregas stole the show as the Gunners hit top gear.

According to his Wigan teammate, Chris Kirkland – Emile Heskey is ‘England’s Didier Drogba,’ and he doesn’t mean he’s a big man who spends more time on the floor than on the ball.

Is Michael Clarke Duncan, star of The Green Mile, how Heskey would look if he ever broke out a smile?

Wigan’s Austrian man might have been on the scoresheet against West Ham at the weekend, but his barnet is definitely off target. Pretty much anything you could want to be wrong with his hair is incorporated into this look. The fluffiness of the mohican gives a hint of baby duckling chic. The shaved section of the hair reveals a worryingly bumpy head. The mohawk thins towards the crown and – to top it all – has a ginger tinge. Good work, Paul.

Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City
Cesc Fabregas finally found a breakthrough, despite an excellent performance from Manchester City goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel. The young Dane made a string of saves, including Robin van Persie’s 65th minute penalty.

Portsmouth 1-1 Manchester United
Cristiano Ronaldo grimaces after being shown a red card for violent conduct.

Following yesterday’s imaginatively titled Part One, today Pies profiles the home kits of the 10 Premiership teams who would have their names called at last on the school register.
Manchester City
There is a hint of baseball to Citeh’s new shirt, with its rather fetching white pinstripes. Reebok are out and French brand Le Coq Sportif (currently enjoying a Lazarus-style revival) are in. Last season’s white sleeves are also ditched, and on reflection it is probably a good call. Click here to buy it from Kitbag.

The UK property market has been overinflated for some time now. The football transfer market seemed to have calmed down a bit. Until now that is. Wigan have spent £5.3 million on the living football legend that is Jason Koumas. For that money you could buy a luxury four-bedroom penthouse apartment in Mayfair and still have enough change for a decent motor. Why would you spend that much on Jason Koumas?!! So Pies is asking, would you rather spend your money on Koumas or the flat?

If you thought Kevin McCabe and Sean Bean were the men most distraught at Sheffield United’s relegation, think again. It seems the Blades board is made up of even bigger names than that!

[Via 101GreatGoals]

It’ could be a tale of two chairmen if Carlos Tevez completes a move to Man Yoo later today – apparently he’s completing a medical in Venezuela in a deal that could eventually be worth more than £30m.

With the unfortunate news that Jimmy Bullard will not be fit for the start of the season, we are in dire need of a Bullard fix. Here is one of his finest moments: Jimmy leapfrogging a goalmouth scramble while playing for Wigan Athletic. We have no idea why, but that’s Jimmy Bullard for you!

Wigan have signed error-prone defender Titus Bramble on a three-year contract, thereby sealing their fate next season. Bramble joins on a free transfer and becomes Chris Hutchings’ first signing as Wigan manager – well Chris, things can only get better.

Big-boned Wigan defender David Unsworth has been released from his contract. The 33-year-old’s penalty against Sheffield United last weekend kept Wigan in the Premiership, but he has been deemed surplus to requirements by new boss Chris Hutchings.

Does the Monday craziness never end? First Paul Jewell keeps WIgan up but then he resigns. Now Man City, who finished four points above the relegation zone, have sacked Stuart Pearce! What does this mean for out-of-work managers like Iain Dowie, Chris Coleman and the mighty Sven? It means their agents will be straight on the phone to Man City, that’s what.

Sheffield Utd manager Neil Warnock looks on in dismay as Wigan boss Paul Jewell celebrates the 2-1 win at Bramall Lane that kept his team in the Premiership. Warnock’s Blades were relegated, along with Watford and Charlton Athletic.
[Photo: Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images]

So which team out of Wigan, West Ham and Sheffield Utd do you want to go down? I’d have to say Wigan – non-Latics fans, would you really miss them? They get feeble crowds, play pretty unattractive football (not all the time, I hasten to add) and generally don’t add that much to the Premiership – although I do have a lot of time for Paul Jewell. Wigan fans will obviously think I’m talking shit (they’d be wrong).