To whom it may concern, UEFA have announced that none other than Dua Lipa will be responsible for kicking off the 2018 Champions League final by performing at the opening ceremony.
As such, the 22-year-old pop star will follow in the footsteps of some true giants of the corporate-friendly, take-the-money-and-piss-off football gig circuit – luminaries such as David Guetta, the Black Eyed Peas, Pitbull, etc, etc.
As far as Pies are concerned, a simple stirring rendition of the national and/or Champions League anthems would suffice.
That said, we do retain a certain fondness for the insanity that preceded the 2013 final between Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich at Wembley.
Though only 10 minutes long, the production was truly a cinematic epic in terms of scope and, thus, seemed to last for an eternity – especially to the baffled punters watching on in bustling Nottingham pubs who were unable to hear or glean any kind of explanation of what was unfolding.
What we got, courtesy of UEFA, was Paul Breitner dressed in full Bavarian midfield general regalia, charging knights, two phalanxes of archers sending volleys of arrows back and forth, shields with club badges, war drums, formation marching, the puppet nag from War Horse and all of the above segueing smoothly into the two teams emerging from the tunnel…
It’s as brilliantly confusing now as it was then.
Whether that’s a good or bad thing is still open to debate.