Michy Batshuayi has a secret. A deep, dark secret. A secret he must guard closely for the rest of his mortal days. A secret he has divulged in an exclusive interview with a well-known French football magazine.
Are you ready? You may want to position yourself over a soft mattress or an antique Victorian fainting couch for this. When Batshuayi was injured and/or not playing at Chelsea, he used to regularly flaunt club rules to go and play 5-a-side.
Apparently, extra-curricular futsal is a big no-no at the Blues, but that didn’t stop a certain Belgian back-up striker from partaking in regular games away from prying eyes.
In an interview with Onze, Batshuayi came clean:
At the club (Chelsea), you weren’t supposed to, but I was playing futsal. If I did not play futsal, I’d be dead!
With back injuries, it’s impossible to do backflips (goal celebrations) without doing something next (to keep sharp) and playing regularly. After you have back pain, you don’t know how to run, you don’t even know how to control the ball.
Even the other players said to me, ‘Oh you’re good, how do you do it?’. I didn’t say anything, I gave sideways answers.
I’m telling you, and I’ve never told anybody before. When I came back to Belgium, I’d kill myself for one or two hours playing futsal. It’s mandatory for me. It allows me to feel better, to free myself, to feel the ball, to find the way back to goal and to rediscover the pleasure of playing with my friends.
But don’t get me wrong, this was real futsal against real, strong, strong players. I think I’ll play it all my life during my rest days because I really live for it.
The Dirty Gerty, stealing illicit games of futsal on the sly. No wonder Antonio Conte was so hesitant to put any faith in the Batman before he was allowed to leave for Borussia Dortmund.
The guy’s obviously a liability of a loose cannon, all wrapped up in a shroud of miscreance – if that is even a word.
Shocking. Simply shocking. The Bundesliga, with their loose, liberal continental morals, is obviously the best place for him.