Caption This: Frank Lampard Cracks The World’s Funniest Joke

Chris Wright

13th, September 2011


By Chris Wright

Pies says: “And then Nando…no, no, wait for this…called us slow! AAAHAHAHA!!!”

You say?

Posted in Chelsea

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  1. Isaac says:

    “Man I love them Penguin bar jokes.”

  2. Pete says:

    There’s a rumour going about that Torres used to be a striker!!

  3. CFC_Jay says:

    @ Chris, With the news in mind today, I really can’t beat your caption! Well done pal, very apt!!!!

  4. Chingchangwalawalabingbang says:

    And this Sex God guy shows up…AND NO ONE CARES AHHHHHHAHAHAHA

  5. Sex God says:

    “And then the guy said that… no, no, wait for this… said that we might have some future potential Sex God understudy apprentice material!”

    Ah yes, Frank Lampard and John Terry.

    Not even future potential Sex God understudy apprentice material.

  6. VAns says:

    torres did not call him slow, media crap twisted his actual quote

  7. Joe says:

    “So I says to Torres: “I may be slow and fat, but at least I know where the goal is!””

  8. Dale says:

    “A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, “We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”

    The agent says, “Sorry, I don’t represent family acts. They’re a little too cute.”

    The mother says, “Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”

    The agent says, “OK. OK. I’ll take a look.”

    So the mother and daughter come out on stage and waste no time and begin to perform tribadism on each other. The mother’s all pregnant with their third baby so while at it, the daughter who’s about 6, starts pounding on her belly while screaming “Get rid of it, we don’t need another mouth to feed. Don’t you love us.”

    The father enters the room all pissed and yells “who do I choke first!?”

    They both try to run away however, the dad catches the mom who’s all fat from the late stages of pregnancy and starts choking her. He then lays her down and starts to violently fuck her on missionary position to the point that his cock penetrates the tiny fetus’s asshole. Blood and baby shit start to flow out of her pussy.

    The daughter starts punching the father but then the son runs out and begins to mouth fuck his sister. Meanwhile the family dog, who’s a big German Shepherd walks out and begins to hump the dad in the ass while he continues to pound both his wife’s pussy and his unborn son’s fetuses asshole.

    The son unloads all over his sister’s face and then begins to throw M&Ms at her face which stick to it thanks to the sticky cum.

    The son then starts stroking the horny dog’s penis while the dog proceeds to lick the cum and M&Ms from the daughter’s face.

    The dad then pushes with both hands on the mother’s belly causing the baby to shoot from the pussy and eventually dies from the backlashing impact of the umbilical cord.

    The German Shepherd then bites the son’s balls. The son starts running around the stage holding his bloody balls and screaming like a little girl until he accidentally slips on a puddle of shit, blood, and cum.

    The father the grabs the dead fetus by the umbilical chord spins it high above his ahead and whips the daughter hitting her with the fetus end.

    The mother then places a funnel on the unconscious son’s mouth, squats down and starts pissing on it. The dad then pisses on it. Then so does the daughter and even the German Shepherd. But of course, the dog’s aim is way off and most of the piss ends up on the son’s chest and face.

    The son wakes up. Both father and son proceed to double fist the daughter in the ass. This is too much so she starts spraying bloody diarrhea all over the mom.

    The son and dad come out wearing overalls and waving confederate flags. They yell “nigger!” to the mom and proceed to brutally beat her and then anally rape her.

    The father and son then start to 69. While the dog pukes all over the dad’s back who was on top.

    The mom then sprinkles salt all over her daughter’s pussy and starts eating her out. Half-way through her mouth gets all dry and she starts mumbling. The daughter then slaps her in the face and says “stop it you sound like a retard!”

    The salt then causes this nasty urinary infection turning her pussy all orange and yellow. The father gives her some diuretics and she starts pissing out blood, puss, and urine while screaming in pain.

    The dad cuts a tiny hole on the son’s belly button and begins to fuck the new hole cumming all over his intestines. The daughter takes a crap on that tiny hole as well. The son then pukes out blood, shit, and cum which flowed from his intestines all the way up through the esophagus and out the mouth.

    The dad then sprays shaving cream all over the dog’s mouth and goes backstage and grabs a baseball bat.

    The dad then yells out “rabbies, the dog’s got some fucking rabbies!” and clubs the poor dog to death.

    He then looks up to the daughter and mother who are weeping cause that dog’s been with them for a long time and says “fooled ya.”

    The mother and daughter get mad and start beating up the dad.

    Suddenly, “Freeze! You’re all under arrest!”

    Turns out the agent has called the cops after witnessing all this terrible acts. So the cop handcuffs everyone. Including the son who’s passed out and bleeding to death on the floor.

    The cop then takes his helmet and sunglasses off to reveal he’s indeed Uncle Buck the Perv. He bends the daughter down and jams the nightstick up her ass. She then goes limping and jumping on stage with a black nightstick end sticking out her ass.

    He then takes out a gun. Stuffs it up the wife’s pussy and tells the dad “Tell me where the money is or I’ll blow her pink zone off!”

    “Screw it! I’m broke.”

    So Uncle Buck the Perv shoots the wife in the pussy causing blood to squirt all over.

    Finally the Uncle says “And now for our interpretation of the Rodney King incident”

    The uncle then removes the nightstick from the daughter’s ass and starts to savagely beats the father with the bloody and shitty nightstick while the dad pleads “can’t we all get along!”

    Then the uncle takes the handcuffs off from everyone. He gives some crack to both the mother and son and miraculously they wake up and start twitching and screaming. The entire family take a bow.

    For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, “That’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?”

    And the father says, “The Terry’s!!”

  9. tendon not is says:

    I never thought anyone could out do bob sagets version of the aristocrats but take a bow sir.

  10. :) says:

    Dale – wow. i’m about to read it.

    Chingchangwalawalabingbang – spot on mate, spot on. speak of the devil – look who posted absolute shit right after you

  11. :) says:

    @dale – bit weird. to say the least.

  12. MGJ says:

    “…and then this bloke says that JT was sleeping with my missus! As if he’d do a thing like that to a mate.”

  13. Moe says:

    Lampard : pull my finger if we are eskimo brothers
    Terry : *pulled his hand*

  14. lol says:

    Fernando Torres

  15. Hugh Jass says:

    “Hey fella’s, Nando just said he reckons he gonna find the net during this training drill…”

  16. Scott says:

    They’re actually screaming in fear.
    Ashley Cole just shot Lampard

  17. Joe says:

    I went up to a fat bird and said “you are rather large”. She said “Tell me something I dont know”. I said “Salad tastes nice”.

  18. njas2000 says:

    … and then the BBC said that we were the favorites to win the EuroCup!

  19. QueerAsFuß says:

    It’s the AWW YEAH! rage face. *L*
    Also his hands look major freaky in those arm warmers.

    This is not captioning, this is just a reply.

    Pies could host a footy theme ‘rage and/or rage ops comics’ contest. I’d dig that.
    First prize being posted to the front page.

  20. Jones says:

    Frank: “…and i didnt realise id ticked TORRES to score anytime by accident”

  21. Andy says:

    “Nah, mate. The saying goes ‘I’ll cross the Bridge when I come.. no, no, wait for this… in it’s girlfriend!’ AHAHAHA!”

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