The ‘Joey Barton Is An Odious Little #Helmet’ Evidence File Continues To Swell

By Chris Wright

Joey Barton has come a long way. Where once he used to kick out at the world, frothing with bilious, toxic rage; thrashing the living shit out of teenagers outside McDonalds at three in the morning and using people’s aqueous humour to stub out his cigars, now he actively looks at paintings and books, each time memorizing their titles, and wears scarves indoor and out – even on the mildest of days.

Following his little red card wobbly against Manchester City (for which, coincidentally, he is now staring down the barrel of a reported ten – ten – game ban), Barton came in line for a bit of innoucuous criticism from Alan Shearer on Match of the Day.

Shearer’s scathing, vitriolic indictment saw him chastising Barton relentlessly, howling that there was “no need for his actions”, frothing that his conduct was “sheer madness” – and then came the curtain closer, the final act, the silver bullet through the brain in terms of character assassination: “We’ve seen it before and we’ll see it again. That’s what you get with Joey. He’s never going to calm down unfortunately.”

Later that eve, MotD host Gary Lineker took the issue of Shearer’s monstrous assault up with Barton on Twitter, to which he replied: “Just don’t like how he gets personal…” (note this down in your copy books, this will be a recurring theme from here on out.)

Still baring his soul on Twitter, Barton continued:

“I really don’t like that prick (Shearer), in fact I honestly despise him…”

“I’d take it off Hansen and @GaryLineker but not from that bell, same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon, then threatened FA if they banned him that he would retire from international football.

“No sorry, not having him, never have. Selfish, boring man him. He can do one…”

Remember how he doesn’t like it when people get personal? Well, here’s a little bit more of our Joey ‘not making it personal’…

Are you beginning to see the irony? If so, note it down in your copybooks.

But still it continued, with Lineker raking over the embers by asking Barton:

“Still raging then? Still kicking out? And still, presumably, misunderstood? But only by yourself I suspect.”

Barton – who, if you recall, doesn’t really like it when people get personal – duly responded thus:

“Do u wanna go there publicly “Mr Squeaky Clean” ? Think u should have a look in that vast closet of skeltons before u respond.”

“I know a lot about THAT side to u the people don’t and won’t bat an eye lid at exposing u. So mind ur manners Squeaky… now back under your stone you odious little toad…”

Aha! What come be more impersonal than blackmail?

You see, for all the posturing and his new, painfully studied intelligentsia veneer, at the centre of the foul Joey Barton fondant will forever be the aggressive, feral, ghoulish hazlenut that caved Ousmane Dabo’s eye socket in.


Posted in FAIL, Featured, Media, QPR

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Everything he said about Shearer was 100% correct. Fact!

  2. elliot says:

    “a long way” you mean

  3. Dan says:

    to Anonymous “May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am
    Everything he said about Shearer was 100% correct. Fact!”

    Everything said about Joey Barton in the article is also 100% correct. Fact!
    On the one hand Barton just doesn’t like Shearer, on the other hand Barton is a repellent human being who gets huge amounts of money and cheats (proudly play acted against Arsenal, tried to get a City player sent off too) and has several times indulged in thuggery.. Why do people think he is worthy of praise or support?

  4. Jave says:

    Joey Barton = Begbie

  5. Mr Sensible says:

    Barton might be a complete scumbag but he’s completely right about Shearer.

    A 10 game ban when Suarez only received an 8 game ban for racism, Jesus the FA really need to sort out their priorities. Also like I said previously can someone actually show me footage of Barton’s contact on Aguero, I’m not saying he didn’t kick him, just that people are reacting on footage that doesn’t actually show it.

    Finally I’m no fan of Twitter and find Lineker’s actions just as pathetic as Barton’s, if he really has something to say to Barton about something he knew would probably cause a reaction then do it privately the smug git.

  6. Al says:

    anyone else think Shearer wears quite nice shirts?

  7. abhi_gooner says:

    Joey Barton, that horrible little cunt. Every transfer window, i hope some saudi team snaps him up so we are relieved from his ‘shenanigans’. But unfortunately even they know that he is shit.

  8. Anonymous says:

    possible brucie bonus of him being stoned to death as well. Whip round for the airfare anyone?

  9. Les says:

    10 game ban perfectly fair for three violent incidents, if it happens finally the fa have done something right. but more importantly, when will clubs stop employing the barton’s of this world. footballers are supposed to be setting an example

  10. C7 says:

    these were sent at about 2am, i think we can assume he was pissed, so ill cut him some slack. hes still a twat though.

  11. Wolf Haley says:


    Didn’t you watch the match on SkySports? He kneed Aguero in the back.

    At work so blocked from youtube but I’m sure you can find it.

  12. Hobbes says:

    As a Newcastle fan, thank god for Joey Barton! If it weren’t for him Yohan Cabye’s ball boy pushing would be in the headlines. Joseph, you are a prince!

  13. Milkchew says:


    Erm, take a look at this:

    The look on his face when he does it dosnt exactly emote `love and happiness`. The whole point is that Mr Barton used violent conduct one three occasions. #1 – He elbowed Teves – Possible eight game ban for that. #2 – He kneeded Aguerro for no reason – Possible three plus game ban. #3 – He attempted to head butt Kompany – Possible three game ban. TBH hes getting off lightly if its ten game.

  14. The69ersFC says:

    “Skeltons” Does Lineker have the voice of Zippy and his family hiding in his wardrobe?

  15. farmanian96 says:

    anger management barton

  16. Toz says:

    You’re making milk out of clay again Pies.

  17. Mr Sensible says:


    I’m not condoning what Barton did, in fact I quite enjoyed what he did to that little prick (Tevez) but 10 games, come on!

    Where the fuck have you got 8 game ban for elbowing someone and 3 game ban for not actually headbutting someone, you’ve completely made up these numbers based on no previous incidents, people need to lighten up.

    Your link is exactly my point, you can’t see the contact, you’re basing the incident purely on the expression on Barton’s face and your dislike for the man (which is understandable), like I said, I’m not saying he didn’t do anything, I’m just saying none of us has actually seen how bad the contact on Aguero was therefor it’s hard to give the correct judgement/appropriate ban for it.

  18. Gerardo says:

    @Jave Spot on! Hahaha

  19. Jarren says:

    Thanks, Pies.


  20. Dante says:

    @MrSensible agreed.

  21. Inno says:

    The only thing Barton hates more than people talking about him, is people NOT talking about him. He craves the attention. Lives for it.

  22. Al says:

    @ Mr Sensible – the ten game ban is estimated because he recives 3 for the red card (elbow) an extra game as it’s his 2nd red of the season, thats four, violent conduct on Aguero (3) and violent conduct on Kompany (3 more) seems a bit much but if the FA want to make an example of him (like they did with Suarez) then it could happen particularly if they take his previous record in to account.

    Some of his other tweets were worse, he was talking about celebrating that QPR stayed up while completely ignoring the fact he would have played a major role if they had gone down, the man is delusional, I would be genuinely worried about his mental state, he is a serious accident waiting to happen

  23. Terry Shedingham says:


    That really only works with ‘ants’.

  24. Middle Class Wanker says:

    Barton quotes philosophers on twitter & was profiled on the Guardian. He’s clearly a national treasure & anyone who says different is an uncouth oik.

  25. az says:

    “I’d take it off Hansen and @GaryLineker but not from that bell, same fella that stamped on Neil Lennon, then threatened FA if they banned him that he would retire from international football.”

    hahah i like how he claims he’d be happy to take it off Gary Lineker, then is all of a sudden giving it to him…

    Barton has got to be in the running for the biggest F#CKWIT of all time!!!

  26. Geordiebunj says:

    I live and work in Saudi Arabia, so please, PLEASE, get him sent elsewhere. I hear the Mariana trench is lovely this time of year.

  27. tj says:

    Right, because all you saints here wouldn’t react at all if someone said what Shearer did about you on national television? Cut him some slack, he’s already the media’s number one target, just waiting for him to do something stupid to help forge their antagonist character.

  28. Jarren says:

    @Terry Shedingham: Man’s not looking…

    …I’ll have these

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