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England Players Took Sleeping Pills After First Poland Game Was Abandoned, Punchlines Write Themselves

By Chris Wright

After watching Adrian Chiles desperately fumble and wibble on and on about forks for an hour-and-a-half there was no danger of anybody watching at home needing any assistance falling asleep, but it is being reported this morning that some of the England players took sleeping pills to guide themselves off up the wooden hills to Bedfordshire after the aborted Poland game on Tuesday night to help combat the Pro Plus caffeine pills they’d already taken to keep themselves pepped in case of a late kick-off.

So, WERE SLEEPING PILLS TO BLAME FOR ENGLAND’S PANICKY, LUMPEN, TURGID, UNIMAGINATIVE, ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE PERFORMANCE IN WARSAW?!!?

In a word: ‘No’. If Nytol really was to blame last night, then what, pray tell, is their excuse for the last ten years of ponderous, terrified drudgery?

Face it, we’re just treated to slightly better or worse variations on exactly the same pattern.

England just can’t do this ‘open play’ thing. Thank f**k for corners, or we’d never actually see a goal.

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By Chris on October 18th, 2012 in FAIL, Featured, International football. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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8 Responses to “England Players Took Sleeping Pills After First Poland Game Was Abandoned, Punchlines Write Themselves”

  1. C says:

    England failed yet again to meet expectations. Where’s the news in this?

  2. Mr. Chopper says:

    I’d suggest that professional athletes shouldn’t be taking stuff like Nytol at all. It’s horrible stuff that leaves a regular chap feeling rough the next day, so I can only imagine how it affects a Ferrari Testarossa (or whatever the premium vehicle of choice is these days).

    Also, should they really be taking Pro Plus? I know it’s hardly crack, but would you expect them to drink a litre of Boost before a match?

  3. porcelain sandwich says:

    Stevie G refuted this earlier today. That’s that then.

  4. DJ says:

    They aren’t allowed to take any of this stuff. As a secret footballer with a largish club I can tell you that the FA posters are on every changing room door.

  5. Dont Worry says:

    @DJ OMG ITS MULLER

  6. George says:

    What a load of crap! Trying to talk yourself out of it all the time. Polish footballers were ready to play on the first night too, you have to remember it works same for BOTH teams. Your only excuse is just that you played sh*t and you always do! For footballers that earn £200k each per week should be able to play well in all conditions without giving any obvious and poor excuses and for that reason you should be the world champions but obviously you’re just too lazy! What a scandal, you should be ashamed of yourselves for trying to talk yourselves you of it and give any excuse and every explanation there is for your miserable game!

  7. Terry Shedingham says:

    Who exactly are you pointing the finger at here, George? No England supporter here is going along with this sleeping pills excuse.

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