By Chris Wright
From Hell’s heart I stab at thee Gerald!
Inspired by East Lower’s gloriously distracted ‘highlights’ of Arsenal’s dismal showing against Schalke last week, we at Pies kind of got to thinking about all the times we’d been stupefied into mulling over the inherent beauty of the moon/cranes, etc, by a football match and what, if it could be pinpointed, is the worst professional football match we’ve ever endured live.
Here are our picks…
Chris – Nott’m Forest 0-1 Sheffield Wednesday, Wed 21st February, 2001: This was a match that ran the emotional gamut; from dismayed tedium right the way through to catatonic apathy.
David Platt’s rudderless side had been the square root of awful at home all season, losing seven times in 15 outings at the City Ground and regularly being turned over by inferior sides. This was no exception, Wednesday were in wallowing in the relegation zone at the time and had just sacked their manager, Paul Jewell.
Wednesday (who counted bona fide Forest legend Des Walker among their number if memory serves) played with a flat-back nine and Forest something similar. The middle third of the pitch was a vast swathe of immaculately turfed no-man’s land.
The match took place at a pace that most glaciers would probably consider ‘a bit lethargic’. You must believe me when I say nothing happened. Nothing.
Me and my fellow season ticket-holding mate spent the entire game with our heads in our hands in suppressed silence. At one point, I could’ve sworn