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Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant: All That’s Wrong With Barcelona Summed Up In One GIF

By Chris Wright

It goes without saying that Barcelona are capable of stunning feats of footballing prowess but, when threatened by talented opponents, a reprehensible, deeply-ingrained “hive mind” kicks in and (by and large) every single player on the pitch begins resorting to the most heinous and undignified acts of gamesmanship in order to nullify the game and turn it to mush.

Encapsulated in the groan-inducing GIF below is all that is wrong with FC Barcelona as a cowardly, gestalt entity – summed up eloquently in a two-second loop of footage taken from the closing minutes of the first leg of the Spanish Super Cup last week…

rodriguez-alba

Disgraceful. Have you ever seen anything quite so disgusting? Crisitan Rodriguez passes the ball off to Jordi Alba for a throw-in and Alba, without a second thought, collapses in “agony” like he’s been harpooned in the stomach. How can supposedly grown men act with such little dignity? It’s insidiously vile is what it is.

And, yes, I’m well aware that Barca are far from alone in the field, but they’re supposed to be the best club side in the world – or so the propaganda would have us believe.

Simply falling over under pressure to win easy freekicks; screaming into the turf in simulated agony after every foul; the arching of spines, the flailing of limbs; the incessant crowding and haranguing of officials; the constant hypocritical pleas for “protection”: these are the reserve of the desperate, the inferior – surely the best footballing side in the world don’t need to resort to such spineless tactics?

Frankly, I’d rather watch a mange-infested Border Collie regurgitate its breakfast on a 90-minute loop than sit through most Barca games. They are astoundingly boring in the worst way possible.

The worst part being, of course, that it could all be stamped out in a heartbeat if there was any kind of deterrent in place. Yet, no, it’s routinely pandered to week in, week out. I know there are people out there who think I’m being paranoid and vitriolic, but this is a nebulous cancer that needs nipping quickly.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully and accurately express my ravenous loathing for Barca’s (and whoever else’s) rotten “Plan B” but let it be known – I detest it with every…single…fibre of my being.

Gah.

Other Good Ol’ Fashioned Rants on Pies…

Diving And The Word ‘Contact’
Third-Party Ownership

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By Chris on August 29th, 2013 in Barcelona, FAIL, Featured, GIFs, Newsnow, Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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48 Responses to “Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant: All That’s Wrong With Barcelona Summed Up In One GIF”

  1. Mike says:

    He punched him as he went by

  2. MJ says:

    jordi alba is by far the worst of the lot. proof (if needed): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne8HZtjh8Yo

  3. :) says:

    yes thankyou couldn’t have put it better myself I’ve always despised them for the exact reasons above – all the hype about their beautiful football but I personally see them ruining the game with the example they provide to young fans. Their manipulation of referees is pathetic

  4. SL says:

    The question is, did the other guy get sent off?

    Most times he would be as the refs always fall for it, a yellow to the barca player would stamp it out so why dont they do that. Weve had useless crackdowns every season (which just encourage cheating) apart from the one thing that matters, acting and diving.

  5. Chris says:

    Yeh look winning at all costs just isnt fun to watch….and they’re good enough to win games without this garbage. Thats what makes it all the more harder to digest. Madrid were pulling this stuff in the CL semi against Dortmund.

    Not entertaining fellas…and imagine the pressure it puts on officials in high pressure games.

  6. Anon86 says:

    He goes down very easily but Rodriguez did have a little dig at him after the ball is passed over.

  7. Tony says:

    Agreed. They have a holier than thou attitude but continue to act like this. Hate it

  8. David Allison says:

    And it’s why La Liga really isn’t the best league in the world. It’s almost impossible to watch cos this kind of bullshit happens most weeks.

  9. Steven says:

    Chris, well done son, remember when Inter beat them at the Camp Nou and whilst celebrating in front of their own fans (hardly a crime) some prat at the club was told to or decided to turn on the sprinklers to rain on their parade(sorry) – classless, undignified, pretentious, and lest we forget ‘the greatest club side of all time’

  10. Veritas says:

    Imagine being as simple minded as the “author” of this almost comical tripe?

    That took place in the same match where Barca’s weak opponent recognized that they weren’t men enough to beat Barca straight up so they ADMITTED they were trying to injure Messi. That same team of feeble she-males resorted to targeting Messi’s leg again in the second leg. Not to mention throwing elbows (which led to red card) as well as intentionally stepping on a downed player (Alves) back.

    If these “men” have no pride to stand face to face and exhibit actual talent and skill then Barca has no recourse but to accentuate such plays. You see Barca actually has players worth a spit and they won’t engage in juvenile cheap shots and Mourinho BS babble.
    Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The prideless she-males which make up most of Barca’s competition are the clear catalysts.

    Thank god teams like Bayern Munchen still have some real men willing to battle and earn victories. Coaches like Mourinho and Cholo are desperate children.

  11. Veritas says:

    Imagine being as simple minded as the “author” of this almost comical tripe?

    That took place in the same match where Barca’s weak opponent recognized that they weren’t men enough to beat Barca straight up so they ADMITTED they were trying to injure Messi. That same team of feeble she-males resorted to targeting Messi’s leg again in the second leg. Not to mention throwing elbows (which led to red card) as well as intentionally stepping on a downed player (Alves) back.

  12. Anonim says:

    “Have you ever seen anything quite so disgusting?”
    Yes. In the same game Athletico Madrid player jumped on the back of Barcelona player laying on the ground.

  13. carl says:

    Even the greatest footballer to have ever lived was up to it in some game I saw last year. Barca were losing and cheeky little Messi was blatantly trying to flick the ball at opponents’ arms to get free kicks/penalties. What a scamp!

  14. carl says:

    I should also add I very much agree with this article. I’m not a big fan of Madrid but I’d LOVE IT (Keegan style) if they batter them this year. Imagine Bale and Ronaldo coming at you.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Imagine being as simple minded as the “author” of this almost comical tripe?

    That took place in the same match where Barca’s weak opponent recognized that they weren’t men enough to beat Barca straight up so they ADMITTED they were trying to injure Messi. That same team of feeble she-males resorted to targeting Messi’s leg again in the second leg. Not to mention throwing elbows (which led to red card) as well as intentionally stepping on a downed player (Alves) back.

    If these “men” have no pride to stand face to face and exhibit actual talent and skill then Barca has no recourse but to accentuate such plays. You see Barca actually has players worth a spit and they won’t engage in juvenile cheap shots and Mourinho BS babble.
    Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The prideless she-males which make up most of Barca’s competition are the clear catalysts.

    Thank god teams like Bayern Munchen still have some real men willing to battle and earn victories. Coaches like Mourinho and Cholo are desperate children. Embarassing

  16. Raul says:

    @carl ewwwww!!!!!

  17. Hootie says:

    It’s not EVERYONE. Have you ever seen Xavi do anything remotely like that? Busquets is the worst, though. He is Marco Materazzi reincarnated.

  18. Hootie says:

    @Chris There’s not a captain in world football that doesn’t do that, especially in Spain. Your overall point is well-taken, though. The gamesmanship needs to be ratcheted down several notches.

    • Chris says:

      @Hootie: Exactly. As I say, Barca are far from alone here. It just pisses me off watching supposedly elite players act like such morally bereft chancers.

  19. Cosa says:

    sic ”Recognized”, ”straight up”, ”plays”.

    American: opinion immediately discounted

  20. anonymous says:

    Did you watch the game last night? Agreed that Barca takes it too far, and Alba in particular is one of the worst. But I would do the same thing as them if the other team was constantly kicking the shit out of me and fouling me off the ball. Atletico were trying to injure players and that’s it. They racked up 27 fouls compared to Barca’s 9. I mean that’s ridiculous.

    And how can you say Dani Alves’ reaction was worse than Godin purposefully stepping on his back? If the ref isn’t going to protect the players then any team will start accentuating.

  21. Miguel - NyC says:

    Haters gonna hate :)

  22. Al says:

    @ Veritas – your response was long winded and poorly argued the first time so I doubt the second and third post will convince anyone. All the talk of she-males and real men, the fact is if Barca players were real men thy would stand up to the “lesser” players and throw some elbows and leg breakers of their own in to the mix not roll around play acting like, ell, she males.
    All the greatest teams could get involved in the rough stough rather than resort to this rubbish (Liverpool 80′s, United 90′s, AC Milan 90′s), the article is spot on, makes me sick, especially the superior attitude aptly displayed by you

  23. One Man Went to Mow says:

    Whoa whoa whoa, there! I thought Mourinho was the reason Spanish football is 90% gamesmanship and playacting that is painful to watch??

  24. Veritas says:

    Hey Al…

    That’s probably why English football is currebtly a joke as a nation. You are living in the 80′s/90′s.

    Why would Barca’s players engage in dirty play a a response? They actually have Championships to play for (Cholo admitted Barca is better after game) and a resulting suspension would hurt the TEAM.

    Barca/Spain are playing the game at such a higher level (Germans not withstanding) that these other teams stop playing their typical game and result to this third world like desperation.

    Barca do their talking on the field (the only place where players are remembered for positives).

  25. Veritas says:

    And Yes. Mourinho was the initial catalyst for the nutless desperation paradigm currenty surrounding Barca.

    After repeated failure to equal Barca/Pep, Mourinho showed how petulent and childlike he is at his core. The imbesil actually declared that he was responsible for the downfall of Spanish footy (as Spain/Barca capped the most successful runs in the modern history of the sport). That’s how insecure he, and this approach, truly are.

    Of course Mourinho far from invented the approach. As mentioned, it has been utilized for years…by teams desperate to have a chance to “compete”.

  26. wolfinho says:

    that was really well written and poignant for me, as a fan of barcelona. i began following them during the early ronaldinho years, and loved the way they played, but they’re getting away from that now, playing a more paranoid, “just don’t lose” style of football and, yes, using every rotten tactic to their advantage. they still have the players to play a fluid, risky, and exciting style of football, but they’ve put so much talent up front with far less in the back that they worry about ever giving the ball away with an inquisitive pass or slaloming run (aside from messi, who can do the latter with less risk than anyone). there is no flair, no devil-may-care rocket shot from forty yards out, or cutting pass through a forest of opponents. i love barca for their club-as-community mentality, but they do a disservice to the heart of the club (the fans) when they act like weak, despicable cheats. i defended them for a while, but it’s too much now. the day alves leaves the club will be a new dawn, hopefully, and i refuse to fully embrace neymar, no matter how talented he is, until he can run through a tackle like messi, ronaldinho, or iniesta.

  27. TravisKOP says:

    if Barca were the best team in Europe they wouldn’t have gotten mauled by Bayern Munich a few months ago. Let the Spanish play like spoiled children but once they go up against a proper world class team and get battered again no one will care because they will no longer be relevant.

  28. Wim Doomed says:

    An inverse relationship exists between the amount of money in the game & the degree to which sporting principles are upheld.

    I think it’s clear to see why most teams these days will want to win, at all costs, even if that cost is to the integrity of the game itself.

    Football is fixed. Football is fucked.

  29. Anonymous says:

    Looks like a shot to the nuts to me.

  30. Adam says:

    Chris: Did you watch the game? Atletico’s tactics were “to foul.” Including stepping on players backs as they walked by after fouling them (worse than Pepe). Atletico played so dirty and you’re complaining about Barca?

    I wish this gif showed the exchange. It’s kind of weird to show footage (omitting the necessary view to see what happened) and then act like it’s obviously horrible. Well maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. We won’t know from that shitty gif though!

  31. Al says:

    @ Veritas – I think you be assuming I am English but that is incorrect although regardless of my nationality the point I made still stands, you ask why Barca should enage in dirty play as a response? The point of the article is what they are responding with is as bad but the authorities aren’t dealing with it and blinkered Barca fans like yourself don’t see it, If the authorities started dishing out the same cards/bans for diving and play acting then this would soon be irradicated and they could then concentrate on the dirty play, at the moment it is hard to see the wood for the trees.

    Agreed that Spain are at a higher level but Barca? I don’t agree with that, they haven’t won the Champions league in the last 2 years (an English team have, strange that) and the “Greatest Club Side” ever should really be dominating. You may say I live in the past but teams worthy of competing for that greatest club side title completely dominated Europe, Barca have been worked out too many times (Inter, Bayer, Celtic!)

  32. Anonymous says:

    So many haters…

    Unfortunately cheating, gamesmanship etc is rife across world football and has been getting worse for years. If Fifa were a governing body worthy of the name, they would have come down on this years ago. In many ways, with players more protected in terms of being tackled than ever before, it is even more surprising that they are able to get away with the levels of simulation we currently seeing.

    To suggest that this global malaise is the responsibility of anyone club is ignorant and idiotic- it smacks of individuals who know nothing about the game and how it has evolved- Rivaldo 2002 World Cup anyone, Suarez any time he goes on a pitch, Michael Owen, the imaginary card waving, the list is endless? Seems that there might be a blue-tinted glasses aspect to this debate (in my experience, this level of angst and bile tends to emanate out of SW6).

    I have been fortunate to see Barcelona play at the Bernabeu and, for me, they are the greatest club side of my lifetime. I am not in a position to call them the greatest of all time, as there are many sides I have little knowledge of. And before anyone starts, I also used to watch the Wimbledon team of Fashanu and Jones.

    I accept that they are diminished by this game-wide problem, but lets not pretend that they are the reason for it. And in response to this supposed holier than thou mentality, that I am sure will be cited as a reason why they are worse than others, is that a media creation or their own? I would suggest the former.

    But, please, let’s continue that great British tradition of slagging people off when they reach the pinnacle fo their chosen field!

  33. Al says:

    @anonymus – It’s an Irish tradition as well you racist

  34. Geraldo says:

    Well done Pies. And long overdue…

  35. Hotspur922 says:

    @Cosa, what he wrote.

    “Cosa says:
    August 29, 2013 at 2:41 pm
    sic ”Recognized”, ”straight up”, ”plays”.

    American: opinion immediately discounted


    is somewhat ignorant and racist.
    you should delete his post.

    I’m American, from NYC, are all my opinions discounted because I was born on earths capital city? I would bet my life savings I know more about the game then Cosa, I play the game with south Americans, central Americans, Europeans and Africans as well as Americans.

    yet because i’m a “yank” my opinion is worth shite…. right….

  36. Veritas says:

    Oh yeah…perfectly logical!

    Punish the Barca players writhing on the field in pain after they have been cleat stomped with the full weigh of a grown man? Genius idea to punish your perceived over reactions BEFORE they punish the imbesils actually breaking the rules of the game in the most heinous of methods.

    Barca’s reactions to repeated cheap shots is obviously the real problem. Not the Pepe’s stomping on messi’s hand or other she-males admitting they are trying to injure the best player in the world!

    Who cares if Messi gets taken out in some school yard BS? It’s not like he is good for the sport or anyone tunes in to watch him…

    Complete myopic idiocy!

  37. Veritas says:

    Just to show how thoughtful “fans” get when they are desperate for some success:

    The genius a few posts above actually just wrote that Barca haven’t been the elite because they haven’t one Champions league in two years! The genius then mentions Celtic and Milan (two teams Barca still beat).

    If that doesn’t prove how special Barca is then that author must be mentally handicapped.

  38. Anonymous says:

    @Al- apologies in not being fully inclusive in my criticism of the build them up-knock them down mentality. Ignorant people huh?

  39. Joe says:

    @Veritas: There’s a difference between being ‘cleat stomped with the full weigh [sic] of a grown man’ and ‘doubling over in agony when someone hands you a ball’. Even if Rodriguez handed out a little poke (can’t have been much), a real man’s response would be to get him back, not fall over like, well, a she-male.

    Yes, other teams pull this crap too but nowhere is it so endemic as at Barcelona. At Bayern, it’s mostly just Robben and Ribery (who was a disgrace in the CL final), then there’s Suarez, Bale, Drogba and Ronaldo at their respective teams. At Barca, it’s everyone: Alves and Busquets are the worst but Iniesta, Alba, Mascherano, Sanchez and Messi roll around quite a lot as well.

    You say Barca need to do this because they are a superior team whose players are otherwise attacked by less talented brutes. I say Bayern are a superior team, as they are better (to the tune of 7-0 in the CL) and don’t dive or act half as much.

    Also, your comment on the handicapped is very distasteful. Interesting how you can take the moral high road whilst simultaneously making fun of people with down syndrome etc.

  40. the ostrich says:

    The gif doesnt show that Rodriguez lodges the ball in between his lunchmeat. Second i you were constantly getting kicked off the pitch because of your superior technical and physically abilities (as im sure most of you have first hand experience with ;D) you’d be more than likely to realize that embellishing is not only going to extend your career but also prevent you from waking up like the Tin Man when youre in your 40s. Any arguement after making this realization is null and void. By logical people, footballers are smarter than you think; thats why they make the bookoo bucks.

  41. Eric says:

    With all due to gamesmanship and late tackles and various and sundry other nitpicks; wasn’t part of the reason why Mascherano was brought into Barca, was to curtail the abuse that some of their players received?

    Maybe this is a very English mentality, or maybe it’s born out of being more exposed to hockey before European football, but run with it. If I were on a club like Barca, and we had multiple players who made for very easy targets for late tackles and other shenanigans, I’d play hard man. Roy Keane, Dave Mackay, Emlyn Hughes, I’d pull from them all. Someone wants to take liberties with my clubs’ star, I take liberties with them. Self policing, or frontier justice as it’s called in hockey, is a pretty effective deterrent. But there’s also the possibility that it could get out of hand too.

    This is just a matter of figuring out where the proverbial line in the sand is, and making it hard-stop. Protecting your teammates is one thing. Cheap shots and other bullshit, like intimidation of referees, needs to be examined and shut down. It’s also gotten way out of hand.

  42. Andy Carroll's Ponytail says:

    What does Puyol make of all this?

  43. Joe says:

    What the ostrich said. Plus, welcome to modern football.

  44. Roberdy says:

    Well! We can see this in the 2012/2013 Champions League, Bayern Munchen vs. Barcelona. Where Robben wants to get the ball for a throw in from Alba, but Alba didn’t just give the ball nicely, but he’s just being a dick like always by throwing the ball at Robben’s face. I must say Barca is one of the best team in the world, but their shit anyways because they don’t have a good attitude. I hate it. I REALLY HATE THEM.”Everyone have their darksides”

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