Craptastic Football Mascot Of The Day: Elvis J. Eel (Southend United)

Chris Wright

15th, July 2015


By Chris Wright

Introducing the one and only Elvis J. Eel, erstwhile mascot of Southend United and a truly sorry, sorry sight if ever there was one..


Do eels have ears, or are those supposed to be vestigial face fins?

We can imagine the board meeting:

“Chaps. We need a new mascot. Something that embodies Southend’s never-say-die spirit, our noble, warrior-like ethos and the faint fishy aroma that envelopes the town.”

“One word: Eel.”

“Ah yes, the mighty eel. Sure to strike fear into the hearts into all our of enemies.”

“And what about mixing in a bit of Elvis Presley too? Everybody loves Elvis. Sideburns or a quiff or something?”

“Now you’re thinking! Right lads, I do believe we’re done here. Let’s f**k this right off and get back on the cocaine.”

The worst bit? Elvis is only one of two craptastic mascots belonging to Southend, the other being the equally baffling and vaguely phallic Sammy Shrimp…


What a team.

UPDATE: Oh sweet Jebus. It gets worse…


More Craptastic Mascots on Pies…

20 MLS And NASL Football Mascots Of Yesteryear
Chaddy The Owl (Oldham Athletic)

Javier Zanetti’s Vegetable Friend
The Tonbridge Angel (Tonbridge Angels FC)

20 Utterly Craptacular Football Mascots

Posted in FAIL, Football League, Funnies, Mascots, Newsnow

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  1. Mike Davis says:

    Nothing wrong with these two, kids love them and they are good with the kids.
    No worse than a lot of other mascots around the country that I have seen

  2. other dave says:

    I have had the pleasure of suiting up as Elvis J. Eel. True story. During my study abroad opportunity with SUFC I was tasked with the task likened to being a member of the Praetorian Guard…become Elvis J. Eel. When I asked why the club had an eel for a mascot when they were “affectionately” (depending on who you asked) known as the Shrimpers, I was told that it was an homage to a known culinary staple in Southend: jellied eel. After throwing up in my mouth a little bit I donned the foam faux-hawk helmet and charged forth as an arbiter of Roots Hall.

    Unsurprisingly, those massive shoes made it feel like you were drunk as a skunk and wading through quicksand. Not at all helpful while trying to navigate your way through hoards of children at the various High Street shopping centers throughout Essex!

    I will say, however, that the hairdo holds up well!


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