By Christopher Lee
As the start of the 2011/12 season draws ever nearer, anticipation among fans rises to a ‘peripherally aware, but infinitely more interested in the transfer window’ stage – and, as ever, there are a number of questions begging to be answered.
How will Andres Villas Boas fare in his debut season? Can Manchester City adapt to life without Carlos Tevez? Will Alex McLeish be able to turn those sceptical Villa fans around? And, most importantly, just how will European teams cope on a rainy Thursday night at the Britannia Stadium?
Pies have already stuck their neck out with their ten fearless predictions for 2011/12 , now I’m here to offer some more, slightly curve-ball premonitions for what promises to be one of the most exciting top flight seasons ever – especially now QPR are back! Yaaay!
Crouchy: shit touch for a shit man?
Five clichés from last season sure to rear their ugly heads again in 2011/12…
1. “For a big man, he has great feet” – Most likely to be applied when Andy Carroll makes a successful 5 yard lay off but will also be used when Peter Crouch is playing, despite zero evidence to back the statement up. In fact, I would suggest Crouch has the ball skills you would come to expect from a 6ft 7 player- complete rubbish!
2. “Owen Coyle really has got Bolton playing some great football” – Really? Because every time I watch them it seems to consist of getting the ball up to Kevin Davies as quickly as possible. Still, the eternal word of Sky Sports must be correct. I don’t know what I am watching half the time.
3. “They are a breath of fresh air” – Will inevitably be down on last year’s average of 21 utterances every weekend now Ian Holloway’s awesomely naive gung-ho Blackpool side have exited the division, but feel free to apply to any/all of Norwich, QPR or Swansea.
4. “All doesn’t seem right in that Manchester City dressing room” – Sure, sure. How will they ever win a trop…..oh wait. They did.
5. “They are hardworking, in your face and are completely within their rights to use it” – Referring to Rory Delap’s gibbonish long throw. No no no no no, no. I don’t care if Stoke don’t have very many good ball players. Please do not justify this brand of football.
It is horrible to watch and it is not the way the sport should be played. It is