By Alan Duffy

Kenny Dalglish wasn’t the only ex-Liverpool star having a hard day of it on Wednesday. While King Kenny was clearing out his office, poor old misunderstood intellectual Joey Barton was preparing to fight The FA over a violent conduct charge relating to his meltdown against Man City last weekend.

The QPR midfielder did accept one charge of violent conduct relating to his sneaky kicking of Sergio Aguero after he’d been sent off for elbowing Carlos Tevez. However, despite clear video evidence showing Barton aim at headbutt in the direction of City captain Kompany, the former Newcastle man is denying a second charge relating to the attempted nutting. A statement from Loftus Road said:

“Queens Park Rangers Football Club can confirm that a full investigation in relation to Joey Barton’s dismissal and subsequent events against Manchester City on Sunday will be carried out following the conclusion of his FA hearing.”

“The club will be making no further comment at this stage.”

The Rangers bad-boy has also requested a personal hearing with The FA (date yet to be set), in which he’ll no doubt quote The Crucible and To Kill A MockingBarton.

Check out this Lethal Bizzle inspired video Barton’s plot-losing episode. Expect Emmanuel Frimpong to pop out a re-mix any day now.

                          

By Chris Wright

You know that point in every Warner Bros cartoon ever made, when Elmer Fudd looks into the end of his shotgun to see why it’s not firing properly only for it to promptly go off in his face? Presenting, the real life Slovakian Elmer Fudd – spotted nearly blinding himself at a Super Liga game between Slovan Bratislava and DAC Dunajska Streda…

Hopefully that balaclava fused with his skin and was incredibly painful to remove. Dozy herbert.

Great spot from Dirty Tackle.

                          

It’s been coming hasn’t it? Since Liverpool ended the 2011/12 season with another disappointing performance, this time losing to Swansea, King Kenny has been living on borrowed time. And now, in a (possible) attempt to bury bad news on the day Roy Hodgson named his first England squad, the Anfield top brass have decided to part company with their manager.

Here’s the official statement:

“Fenway Sports Group (FSG) and Liverpool Football Club announced that Kenny Dalglish is to leave his post today as manager after having his contract terminated.

“After a careful and deliberative review of the season, the club came to the decision that a change was appropriate. It is not a decision that was reached lightly or hastily.”

While Dalglish’s iconic status at Anfield will outlive any managerial mishap, the decision to axe the Kop idol will still hurt some fans. However, despite splashing the cash on the likes of Andy Carroll, Jordan Henderson and Charlie Adam, the Scot has failed to revitalise the Reds, with a Carling Cup win this season unable to paper over the cracks of a poor campaign which included finishing below Everton in the league.

A quick gloss over the more damning stats; He paid £82 million for 8 Premier League goals from Carroll, Adam, Downing & Henderson combined, he presided over 10 losses  in Liverpool’s 17 league matches in 2012 (only rock bottom Wolves lost more), 52 points is Liverpool’s worst ever total in the Premier League – though, crucially, Liverpool DO have more trophies this season than Arsenal, Tottenham and Manchester United combined.

Their poor home form this season has been well highlighted with Liverpool winning just two Premier League games at Anfield in 2012, but life goes on in the red half of Merseyside and the big question now is just who will take over in the Anfield hot seat?

Will the powers-that-be at Liverpool look within the Premier League to young whippersnappers such as Brendan Rodgers and Roberto Martinez? Or will they look further afield to the likes of current Saudi Arabia boss Frank Rijkaard? Maybe Fabio Capello is in the running or, dare I say it, is Rafa Benitez readying himself for a dramatic comeback?

As for Kenny himself; personally, we at Pies have our fingers crossed for a Blackburn return. You know, for old time’s sake?

Anyway, you tell us. After all, we know nothing here!

                          

By Chris Wright

Middle Eastern airports are a great place for loud slapstick comedy – as goalhound Gonzalo Higuain demonstrated on his arrival in Kuwait with the rest of the Real Madrid squad ahead of their friendly against the national side later tonight…

Ace spot from Pies fan Neanderthal

                          

By Chris Wright

Roy Hodgson has just completed his first order of business as England manager, announcing the names of the 23 stout Englishmen he wishes to accompany him to the European Championships.

The list, as they say, looks a little like this. In fact, it looks exactly like this…

England Euro 2012 Squad: Joe Hart, Rob Green, John Ruddy; Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, John Terry, Joleon Lescott, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Leighton Baines; Theo Walcott, Stewart Downing, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Steven Gerrard, Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard, Scott Parker, Ashley Young, James Milner;  Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck, Andy Carroll.

Stand-bys: Jack Butland (GK), Phil Jagielka, Jordan Henderson, Adam Johnson, Daniel Sturridge

UDPATE: Gerrard has now been announced as captain. Make of that what you will. Nothing, probably.

So that’s no Sturridge, no Micah Richards, no Michael Carrick (how on God’s green Earth is Henderson on the stand-by list ahead of him?), no Peter Crouch, no Kyle Walker (injured), and no Rio Ferdinand.

First thoughts: Extremely happy to see John Ruddy given the nod, though his missus is likely to be so chuffed as he’s going to have to postpone his wedding/honeymoon in order to travel out. We’re not kidding ourselves into thinking he’ll play ‘minute one’ in Polkraine, but he’s deserving of the spot and the gesture is a welcome one.

Oxlade-Chamberlain’s inclusion is intriguing. He’ll make a good impact sub for sure; fast, direct and energetic.

Bit of a shame that Crouch won’t be going but, deep down in our heart of hearts, we knew he wouldn’t. With Carroll being preferred, here’s hoping Roy doesn’t alter England’s long-standing ‘solely reliant on corners, wide free-kicks and panicky deep crosses’ gameplan too much – it’s exactly the kind of service the Geordie battering ram will require.

Thoughts?

See how Roy’s selection compares to Pies’ 23 here should you wish.

                          

Here’s a few snapperoos from Chelsea’s pre-Champions League Final training session (we strongly urge you to have a gander at the facial expressions in the seventh and eighth photos) at Cobham yesterday afternoon – it was a little on the ‘damp’ side, in fact it absolutely slatted it down.

As always, click for full-size images..

Photos: PA

                          

By Chris Wright

After spending the majority of the Primera Nacional B season firmly rooted in the top two of Argentina’s second division, Instituto dropped out of the automatic promotion places and into third after losing 3-2 to fifth-place Boca Unidos on Monday night – a result which saw both River Plate and Rosario Central move above them in the standings.

This didn’t go down too well with a splinter cell of the club’s hardcore support called Los Ranchos, who intercepted the Instituto team bus at the airport on their way back from the Boca Unidos games, hammered on the windows, attempted to board the vehicle and then proceeded to threaten the players – including 18-year old prodigy and supposed AC and Inter Milan target Paulo Dybala (pictured) – vowing to kill every member of the squad if they failed to win promotion come the end of the season.

La Voz are reporting that the ultras told the Instituto players that there ‘was a bullet for all of them’ and ‘we will kill you all if you don’t give us promotion’.

As pep talks go, it’s certainly not the most agreeable we’ve ever heard. Thankfully, the police are now involved.

                          

By Chris Wright

Apropos of nothing in particular other than it being fairly interesting, here’s what the 2011/12 La Liga table would look like minus the 96 goals scored by Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo between them…

Messi’s fairly important then. Who knew?

Via

                          

In what must be the strangest Arsenal photo shoot since they dressed Andrey Arshavin up as a cub scout a couple of years back (again, we think hope it’s for the club’s annual ‘kids camp out on the Emirates pitch’ thingamajig), here’s the unlikely duo of Per Mertesacker and Gervinho in their dressing gowns and jim-jams getting ready for a super duper slumber party…

Best pals!

Photos: Arsenal

                          

By Chris Wright

The Bundesliga relegation/promotion play-off (the third-bottom team in the Bundesliga play two legs against the side which finished third in 2. Bundesliga) between Fortuna Dusseldorf and Hertha Berlin ended in chaos last night when hordes of Fortuna fans invaded the pitch, let of flares and began tearing up the turf before the final whistle had actually sounded.

With second tier Fortuna carrying a 2-1 lead over from the first leg and then scoring within 50 secs of the second, things were looking bleak for Hertha, whose fans repeatedly interrupted the game be throwing flares onto the pitch.

Hertha then equalised before having a man sent off early in the second half, with Fortuna quickly restoring their lead to put themselves 2-1 up on the night and 4-2 up on aggregate. There was still time for another Hertha equaliser five minutes from time but, at 2-2 and 4-3 overall, relegation looked imminent.

What then followed was seven minutes of stoppage time due to the earlier disturbances, with the fevered Fortuna fans positioning themselves around the perimeter of the pitch ready to charge on at the final whistle. Unfortunately, their frayed nerves got the better of them and the dam burst with two minutes left to play. Fans thundered onto the pitch, letting off yet more flares and smoke bombs, with some tearing up swatches of turf to take home as a memento.

The players, some of whom were attempting to clear the throng themselves, were ushered back into the changing rooms and forced to wait for 30 minutes while the pitch was cleared before returning to play out the final two minutes of injury time – after which, Fortuna could properly celebrate their promotion to the Bundesliga!

Quite the time-wasting technique there. Beats ‘running it into the corner’ into a cocked hat! Absolutely barmy.