The International Football Association Board (IFAB) have decided that the time is now to start clamping down on the despicable scourge that is time-wasting.
Several possible new rules are being discussed to help reduce the amount of time wasted during matches, including a ban on substitutions made after the 90th minute.
Of course, in reality, this will just result in players feigning injuries left, right and centre, but hey ho.
According to The Times, the need for change was spurred by statistics that found the percentage of subs made in the 90th minute and beyond has risen from 21.3% in the 2011/12 season, up to 24.3% since the start of the 2017/18 campaign.
Referees are instructed to add on 30 seconds of time for every sub made in injury time, but in reality the stoppages can last much longer.
Indeed, the ball was in play for just 42 minutes and two seconds during the recent Premier League match between Cardiff City and Burnley, meaning over half of the game was spent just idly wicking the clock away.
As a result of this and other such related statistics, IFAB, football’s lawmaking body, have decided to step in and try to cut out these habitual gamesmanship tactics.
Other measures being mooted are forcing players coming off the field to take the shortest route to the dugout and preventing them from shaking hands with every other player on the way off – a ploy that is already being tested out at junior level.
More generally, IFAB are keen to experiment with rule tweaks that will help speed play up, like players being able to receive goal-kicks inside their own area and allowing the ball to be in motion while taking quick freekicks (which, in Pies’ view, is almost certainly never going to come to pass).
All these proposals and more will be thoroughly pored over at IFAB’s annual general meeting in March next year.