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Who ate all the pies

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Top 10 Fat Footballers

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These days professional footballers have to be professional athletes as well. There’s no room in the game for a player who likes his pies and ale and wears his shorts XXXL. This is a great shame; if you look at our Top 10 Fat Footballers, you’ll see that there’s some world-class talent in there…

(They’re just big-boned, anyway.)

Top 10 Fat Footballers continued…

Brolin__1

10 Thomas Brolin

A case of puppy fat turned to real fat.

Diegomaradona

9 Diego Maradona
Always a stocky little fella, but really let himself go after he retired. Had stomach surgery in 2005 to curb his overeating.

Barnes3

8 John Barnes
No matter how much thirst-quenching Isotonic he drank, Barnesy was one of those players who required ‘very big shorts’ in the latter stages of his playing career.

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7 Ferenc Puskas
For a ‘fat little chap’ from Hungary, he could certainly play a bit.

Gazzabreasts

6 Paul Gascoigne
These may be false man boobs – but Gazza’s real ones looked similar.

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5 Neville Southall
Goalies can get away with a few extra layers, as Big Nev shows here.

Mickyquinn

4 Mick Quinn

‘He’s fat, he’s round, he’s worth a million pounds, Micky Quinn, Micky Quinn…’

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3 Jan Molby

Famously never left the centre circle during a match.

Foulke

2 Fatty Foulkes
The nickname gives it away. Another goalie, he makes Neville Southall look slim by comparison. Apparently, the ‘Who ate all the pies?’ chant was created for Foulkes, so we owe him one.

Ruddock1

1 Neil Ruddock
Transfer-listed by Swindon after arriving back at the club overweight. At one stage, Razor even had to have his shorts specially made. For that fact alone, he takes the No.1 spot.

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By Ollie Irish on July 31st, 2006 in Top 10s & lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
comments

7 Responses to “Top 10 Fat Footballers”

  1. Anthony says:

    Maybe Liverpool aren’t lacking a right winger after all… all we need to bring back the glory days is a new Fatty!

  2. Bob Smith says:

    What about Ronaldo?

  3. felix says:

    Mark Viduka? Brad Friedel?

  4. Joe says:

    Matt Le Tissier?

  5. anna says:

    What about Frankie Lump-of-Lard that plays for Chelsea and hopefully will never play for England again? Surely he is the fattest player in the Premiership by a mile?

  6. Derek says:

    what about jarrad zen from dunbar rovers?

  7. Aaron O'Reilly says:

    What about Paddy Kenny Or Mark Viduka?